Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

mountainofdebt

*Redhead* wrote: »

If he does leave his wife for you, will you even be able to trust him?
Knowing that he's committed an affair once, will you not constantly be wondering if he'll do it to you?

Of course she will - its all his wife's fault, she doesn't understand him, they're soul mates meant to be together .......just delete as appropriate because PTN will believe what she wants to believe and no plain talking will change her mind or raise the possibility that he could be just a plain old cheat.

purpletoenails

mountainofdebt wrote: »

The point is my friends are people who I consider to have the same values as me.

If they did something that I considered to be so morally wrong (eg sleep with another person's husband for two years and for as long as he deemed fit dangling in front of me the promise of leaving his wife at some indeterminate point in the future) then how can they have the same values as me?

.

Do all your friends have the same values as you? I'm quite sure mine all don't, but we all have things in common, they have qualities I'm drawn to and enjoy. We have a mixture of opinions on a wide range of subjects and different political and religious views, and just because I might not agree with them about certain things doesn't mean they can't be my friend.

I'm sure I've mentioned earlier in this thread my very best friend who's husband had an affair and left her. Now if anyone should have a beef with what I'm doing then it should be her - but it's not made an ounce of difference to our friendship - why would it matter to her? Why would she give two hoots what I'm doing in my personal life, it's not affecting her in the slightest! She's now engaged to a nice new man (bit too quick in my opinion, but its her life and her decision) and has asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding.

cazziebo

*Redhead* wrote: »

Then just say he's a good dad, if he does everything for his children and provides for them. He's just not a good husband.

Several of my friends have had affairs with married men. Without exception they've all said " Bad relationship with wife, but great father to his kids"

A great father would treat the mother of his children with more respect. If it's a bad relationship, they would sort that before moving on to a bit on the side. Or it's just a bit on the side and a diversion to what is otherwise a "good" relationship.

I don't disown my friends because they do things I disagree with, but I can't bear that kind of self-deception. I couldn't love a man that treated another woman as badly as that.

purpletoenails

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

[/B]



Is that such a good thing though? Why is it so important to not want for anything?

I know a teenage girl who gets everything she wants that way, but she has cried over the lack of attention from her workaholic father.

I agree, my own children have had very little materially or financially and have turned out (so far - touch wood) very well. He has to work so hard in order to pay for a certain lifestyle that is expected.

*Redhead* wrote: »

I just have one more question for the OP, and it's one where I'm really interested in the answer.

If he does leave his wife for you, will you even be able to trust him?
Knowing that he's committed an affair once, will you not constantly be wondering if he'll do it to you?

Yes I would trust him, I don't believe that just because he's cheated once necessarily means he'll do it again.

candygirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

I agree, my own children have had very little materially or financially and have turned out (so far - touch wood) very well. He has to work so hard in order to pay for a certain lifestyle that is expected.



Yes I would trust him, I don't believe that just because he's cheated once necessarily means he'll do it again.

Well it's not gonna be an issue is it, cos he wont be leaving his wifey will he?Surely you realise that by now;)

purpletoenails

candygirl wrote: »

[/B]
Well it's not gonna be an issue is it, cos he wont be leaving his wifey will he?Surely you realise that by now;)

I was just answering the question

mountainofdebt

purpletoenails wrote: »

Do all your friends have the same values as you? I'm quite sure mine all don't, but we all have things in common, they have qualities I'm drawn to and enjoy. We have a mixture of opinions on a wide range of subjects and different political and religious views, and just because I might not agree with them about certain things doesn't mean they can't be my friend.

Do you know what I actually think they do - especially when it comes to the important stuff such as if you could be a friend to someone who is having an affair and whose idea of bliss would be for him to leave his wife/family so that they could play happy families.

mountainofdebt

candygirl wrote: »

[/B]
Well it's not gonna be an issue is it, cos he wont be leaving his wifey will he?Surely you realise that by now;)

But a leopard changes its spots.....didn't you know that??

POPPYOSCAR

purpletoenails wrote: »

I agree, my own children have had very little materially or financially and have turned out (so far - touch wood) very well. He has to work so hard in order to pay for a certain lifestyle that is expected.



Yes I would trust him, I don't believe that just because he's cheated once necessarily means he'll do it again.

But that is his choice to do that, he could work less hours and they would just have to accept it. Just because they 'expect' a certain standard of living does not mean he has to give it to them.He is making a rod for his own back. I know of parents who say this, but really they do it because it is what they want to do, and they use the family as an excuse.

Being a good husband and father to me is not about providing a family with everything they want financially.

candygirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

I was just answering the question

:wall::wall::wall::wall::wall::doh

Believe it or not, I am on your side and trying to give you a wake up call so you can move on and have a fulfilling life, with someone who is free to be with you properly:(