Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

candygirl

lostinrates wrote: »

I remember my mother in her forties and early fifties, and during a long and hard menopause. Its the only thing that really scares me about reaching that sort of age. I sure as hell hope dh can take it and is there for me when I'm less than lovely, as I imagine the propensity to be a hormone crazed witch is inherited.:o:o

Yea it is, but the hubby should be supportive, and not go round poking other women cos he cba with wife:mad::mad::mad:Oh and HRT will soon perk her up, and maybe make her see him for the dirty git he really is:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

MissMitch

lostinrates wrote: »

as a wife who can't be financially independant because of personal situations combined with choices WE have made in OUR marriage, the justification would leave me cold tbh.

I understand that and am aware of your circumstances that you posted about earlier...and to be honest I have liked many of your posts in this thread, because you seem very fair-minded. I'm really not meaning to disparage anyones choices or situations, but I was financially dependent on an ex partner for a very long time and it caused so many problems and ill-feeling, that I would never do it again myself. I've also had it the other way round and would never do that again, so my ideal would be separate finances jointly pooled for joint ventures...but right now it's not something I have to worry about as I'm on my own for the foreseeable and the buck stops with me whether I like it or not!

I know what bolt out of the blue health problems can do...and I have a very realistic chance of health problems coming up in the future, so now I'm training for careers that work around that for me, but I know you can never fully prepare for all eventualities.

As for the friends thing, I really couldn't end a friendship over these things, only if someone was taking advantage of me.

lostinrates

candygirl wrote: »

Whatever happened to sisterhood?;)

thinking about this, I don't believe I have ever though it has existed. The way girls treat each other can be viscious, and I've grown up hearing women justifying pretty much PTN's situation, though sometimes a lot more glam sounding. I've never much cared for ''women'' as a sex even if I love some of them. A gaggle of girlfriends is a wonderful, wonderful thing...but in general I think women treat each other pretty shabbily.

euronorris

MissMitch wrote: »

No disrespect but I think that's weird, with friends and family that are in similar situations to this or abusive relationships that they've stayed in, I've never unfriended them because I didn't agree with what they were doing. I might tell people when I've had enough of hearing about it, but what they do with their lives is their own business and I'd hope they wouldn't judge me either for what I do with mine...anyone who would I wouldn't consider worth having as a friend in the first place.

I don't believe that people change situations until they are really ready, as I've told PTN. The same goes for abusive relationships etc, believe me I've been in one of them far longer then I ever should have, but got out when it was right for me.

To be perfectly honest I don't think PTN has once convincingly shown a heart-felt desire to end this relationship for good throughout this thread, but rather got carried with the momentum of (undoubtedly well-meaning) posters telling her she should, I'm sure she will when she needs to but I think continuing this thread now is fairly pointless.



That made me giggle...PTN in her 40s not 90s!

I don't think that staying in an abusive relationship, and choosing to start and continue an affair is comparable.

There are plenty of things people do that I may not agree with, but so long as they aren't harming or deceiving others, I pay no attention to it. But there are certain things that I fundamentally disagree with. Affairs/cheating is one of them.

You may see it as weird, but equally, I find it weird that anyone would want to continue a friendship with someone who can be that selfish and self involved. Calling it off and showing remorse for their actions would mean it's a mistake. Continuing it, to me, shows an extremely high level of selfishness.

candygirl

lostinrates wrote: »

thinking about this, I don't believe I have ever though it has existed. The way girls treat each other can be viscious, and I've grown up hearing women justifying pretty much PTN's situation, though sometimes a lot more glam sounding. I've never much cared for ''women'' as a sex even if I love some of them. A gaggle of girlfriends is a wonderful, wonderful thing...but in general I think women treat each other pretty shabbily.

lol yea I know what you mean, it was a kind of tongue in cheek comment;);)I still wouldn't so it, although have been offered it on a plate a few times;);)
I have 3 really close gfs , but on the whole, get on with blokes better as they're more straight forward[STRIKE]except when committing adultery[/STRIKE]:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

lostinrates

MissMitch wrote: »

I understand that and am aware of your circumstances that you posted about earlier...and to be honest I have liked many of your posts in this thread, because you seem very fair-minded. I'm really not meaning to disparage anyones choices or situations, but I was financially dependent on an ex partner for a very long time and it caused so many problems and ill-feeling, that I would never do it again myself. I've also had it the other way round and would never do that again, so my ideal would be separate finances jointly pooled for joint ventures...but right now it's not something I have to worry about as I'm on my own for the foreseeable and the buck stops with me whether I like it or not!

I know what bolt out of the blue health problems can do...and I have a very realistic chance of health problems coming up in the future, so now I'm training for careers that work around that for me, but I know you can never fully prepare for all eventualities.

As for the friends thing, I really couldn't end a friendship over these things, only if someone was taking advantage of me.

for us, DH and I the buck stops with US. When we met I had more money...I'd worked for longer and some of my income was possible because of youth and vigour and was pretty damn good, now its reversed. Its ok, because its ours. AFAIK dh and I work as a team.

Last week, with no warning, my dh was posted overseas and we don't know for how long. we didn't get to say good bye even, because it was midweek. I don't feel I can trust in a sisterhood of women to help preserve our marriage, only in dh and me. I have to have trust in him and he has to in me till we are together at least weekly again. I don't feel in the least bit ''fragile'' about it but I suppose I do feel pensive this week.

because of the cost we're not talking as much, and it made me think, those phone calls ptn gets on the blokes drive from work...the friendship parts of their relationship...before the sex/love happened was also a betrayal of this supossed sisterhood and of the marriage. I don't know why he can'[t call his woife then...maybe she does work, maybe she's making the supper, or helping kids with homework. Maybe she's in the bath getting ready for him, and feels the distance and pushed away when he gets back. I dunno, I guess as a prticipant in this thread I've been surprised by my range of empotion...both in sympathy where it was given albeit reluctantly, and in how I really start to distrust people as a species a bit more.

Errata

those phone calls ptn gets on the blokes drive from work...

Don't forget the bedtime phone call to say goodnight (when the wife's in the shower, walking the dog, he's walking the dog), and the chitter chatter that goes on in the evenings when he's playing a computer game with her. That's nice, isn't it. Wife in the next room ironing his shirts whilst he talks dirty via the 'game' to the bit on the side. I bet he vanishes offline PDQ sometimes.

purpletoenails

Errata wrote: »

Don't forget the bedtime phone call to say goodnight (when the wife's in the shower, walking the dog, he's walking the dog), and the chitter chatter that goes on in the evenings when he's playing a computer game with her. That's nice, isn't it. Wife in the next room ironing his shirts whilst he talks dirty via the 'game' to the bit on the side. I bet he vanishes offline PDQ sometimes.

Just for info, we don't 'talk dirty', and he irons his own shirts

victory

candygirl wrote: »

lol yea I know what you mean, it was a kind of tongue in cheek comment;);)I still wouldn't so it, although have been offered it on a plate a few times;);)
I have 3 really close gfs , but on the whole, get on with blokes better as they're more straight forward[STRIKE]except when committing adultery[/STRIKE]:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I have also, where I worked once the man came in and presented me with a book he has written on poetry....for me:D still never went over to the dark side:rotfl::D

I agree that women can be too much , I have some that have lasted me a lifetime, others that were so into themselves they crushed others along the way, others that were fair weathered, loads, no offence to anyone at all but some of my bestest loyal open honest fun friends have been gay.

victory

lostinrates wrote: »

for us, DH and I the buck stops with US. e.

I must say to you I have a great deal of admiration for your posts, the way you come across and handle yourself it is very human and respectable.