Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

princessdreamer

She threw him out, well done her. Unless you were there when it happened you know nothing of what happened. How would you react if the wife phoned you up to tell you about his other women, his abusive nature or the things he has done to her and the kids. Most likely you would be like my ex husbands mistress who would laugh hysterically cos she knows him soooooooooo much better and he would never do that. Come on you are being used.

vroombroom

Gosh is this still going on?

PTN do you want me to start the ball rolling for her chucking him out again? PM me the name and number

This thread is like a boring soap storyline thats gone on too long.

Pollycat

purpletoenails wrote: »

Maybe I didn't phrase that quite right, perhaps I should have said they will go their seperate ways in a couple of years time. I don't think he is cold and calculating - I think he is doing what he thinks is the best he can for his children at the moment. She has in the past thrown him out, on one particular occasion literally physically thrown him out, and the children had to intervene to calm her down (this was when we were just friends and had nothing to do with me)

So are you saying that his wife is fully in agreement to this 'going separate ways' in a couple of years time?

You suddenly seem to know a fair amount about their relationship when previouly you've intimated that you didn't discuss her.

Why did she throw him out all those times?
Was it something he did that really deserved it?
Was it when she found out about you?
Or was it maybe another affair he was having and she discovered?

The children intervened to calm her down?

And your lover thinks it's best for the kids to stay in an atmosphere like that?

Don't make me laugh!

purpletoenails wrote: »

He doesn't always run his wife down to me, he doesn't sit around and tell me how awful she is in order to try and hoodwink me into feeling sorry for him. If he tells me about a specific incident then I may empathise, but my opinion is always try and sort it out or if it's that bad then leave the relationship (as it would be for anybody telling me their relationship woes)

To be honest, I think he could tell you the moon was made of cheese and you'd believe it.

purpletoenails wrote: »

I also don't think he should be ruined financially or emotionally for what he is doing, I don't think he deserves that. He knows that having an affair is wrong, he often feels guilty. He may be doing it for selfish reasons, because it makes him happy and in his own words 'keeps him sane', but he is not doing it out of malice or spite or in order to ruin lives. Whatever happens between us, my opinion of him as a person is not going to change.

Of course you don't think he should be ruined, he's your lover and you're helping him 'do the dirty' on his wife.

I said 'I hope he's ruined financially and emotionally' because I do think that's what he deserves.

victory

Pollycat wrote: »

So are you saying that his wife is fully in agreement to this 'going separate ways' in a couple of years time?

You suddenly seem to know a fair amount about their relationship when previouly you've intimated that you didn't discuss her.

Why did she throw him out all those times?
Was it something he did that really deserved it?
Was it when she found out about you?
Or was it maybe another affair he was having and she discovered?

The children intervened to calm her down?

And your lover thinks it's best for the kids to stay in an atmosphere like that?



.

They were going to be my questions, now it is sort of reading that wife knows they have a bad relationship and now they are both hanging in there for the benefit of the kids but the kids are stopping full on rows?

How does that help them?

Did she throw him out because he had another affair? Has he had more than just you? Is he being a complete b.........to her and she has had enough?

Pollycat

victory wrote: »

They were going to be my questions, now it is sort of reading that wife knows they have a bad relationship and now they are both hanging in there for the benefit of the kids but the kids are stopping full on rows?

How does that help them?

Did she throw him out because he had another affair? Has he had more than just you? Is he being a complete b.........to her and she has had enough?

I've read (and contributed on-and-off) this thread right from the beginning.

I can't help feeling that PTN is now starting to try to portray the wife in a detrimental way.
Maybe she feels that sympathy for her and her situation is ebbing and wants to get people back on side?

Whatever - but I just cannot see that anyone would stay together for the kids' sake when they are having physically violent rows in front of those same kids.

And, following on from that, I can't believe that anyone would be so gullible as to believe her lover when he says he's staying in a relationship as bad as that for the sake of the kids who are not only witnessing but actively intervening on those rows.

In fact, I'm struggling to believe the whole of this story.

peachyprice

victory wrote: »

They were going to be my questions, now it is sort of reading that wife knows they have a bad relationship and now they are both hanging in there for the benefit of the kids but the kids are stopping full on rows?

How does that help them?

Did she throw him out because he had another affair? Has he had more than just you? Is he being a complete b.........to her and she has had enough?

I think PTN is using this as a way to ease her conscience.

If she portrays the wife as a bad person in her mind it somehow justifies her own bad behaviour.

But once again, she only has her lying, cheating lovers side of the story, he's not going to take any blame for the rows with his wife when PTN believes his every word is he.

neneromanova

I'm sorry but good lord, is this thread STILL going?! It's been 138 pages!!

victory

PTN just thinking about xmas, where are you going to be, at home with your children whilst the man of your dreams, the love of your life, the man who makes it so special for you will be at home unwrapping xmas presents from his wife and children and playing together with their new gifts while his wife buzzies(sp) herself in the kitchen cooking a turkey feast for them all?

FatVonD

purpletoenails wrote: »

Maybe I didn't phrase that quite right, perhaps I should have said they will go their seperate ways in a couple of years time. I don't think he is cold and calculating - I think he is doing what he thinks is the best he can for his children at the moment.

And in the meantime he's putting one (and possibly both) women's lives on hold (at a time of their life where their chances of meeting someone else are rapidly diminishing) until he makes his mind up and still his wife is unknowingly putting her own sexual health at risk (and still you won't tell me why you think it is okay for the two of you to make the decision to do so for her.)

purpletoenails wrote: »

She has in the past thrown him out, on one particular occasion literally physically thrown him out, and the children had to intervene to calm her down (this was when we were just friends and had nothing to do with me)

Has he told you why she was throwing him out? My money's on her having found out about previous indiscretions but he's not likely to tell you that, is he? Is any adulterous man ever going to say, actually, as marriages go mine is quite good but I just fancy a bit of extra curricular because, despite this being the life I built for myself, it can get a bit samey? Maybe his wife understands him perfectly.

purpletoenails wrote: »

He doesn't always run his wife down to me, he doesn't sit around and tell me how awful she is in order to try and hoodwink me into feeling sorry for him.

You said earlier in the thread he'd been telling how bad his marriage was long before you got together as a 'couple'? I am actually aghast at your naivety. You met this guy on a training course (call me old fashioned but did a married man on a work awayday wanting to take your contact details not ring any alarm bells?) and he then proceeds to tell you about his awful marriage before making a move, it couldn't be more cliched if it tried!

purpletoenails wrote: »

I also don't think he should be ruined financially or emotionally for what he is doing, I don't think he deserves that.

He wouldn't be ruined financially, half of everything is rightfully hers anyway, it isn't just his to lose.

purpletoenails wrote: »

He knows that having an affair is wrong, he often feels guilty. He may be doing it for selfish reasons, because it makes him happy and in his own words 'keeps him sane', but he is not doing it out of malice or spite or in order to ruin lives.

Actually, what it does for him is provide some escapism from his regular life, a life incidentally that he created for himself from the multitude of choices available and one that, even given the chance of a new start, he has chosen yet again! He needs to string you along because without you he'd have to admit to himself that he actually IS just that man.

When this thread first started I though you were disgustingly selfish, PTN, and while I've never really 'got' the 'you sound lovely' posts (there's nothing classy about sleeping with someone else's husband and I personally believe your restraint has been ;largely because you didn't want to give away too much info) I did find some concern along the way for the waste of your own life but I'm afraid I've gone full circle again.

I really, really hope he leaves his wife for you because you deserve each other.

victory

Excellent post fatvonD just excellent, if that does not stop someone in their tracks I am not sure what will