Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

victory

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't think it's always practical or desirable to put someone elses needs before your own but it is certainly one aspect of loving someone.



I'm still seeing him because the thought of not seeing him isn't a pleasant one. He is kind and loving, we make each other feel great, make each other happy, and letting go of that is proving harder than I thought it would be.

I do think he will leave his wife but I don't think it will be anytime soon, certainly at least for a couple of years.

If you were someone else PTN and was reading this what would you think?

You would think oh bless she loves him, she is in love with him, all hearts and flowers, it will work out in the end, it is worth it, the heartache, the waiting for the phone to ring, not being able to function properly, wondering, waiting, hoping, wishing, letting the future be completely in someone elses hands and then the answers....

It is not worth it, he may love you but he is not completely madly in love with you and wants to be with you every single second of every day because he has a wife and kids that he either thinks highly of that is why he is not leaving or could not care less and is stringing both of you along with a selfish, heartless disregard for you both.

LIFE is not a game, it is very short and because of self respect and love for oneself no one has the right to control your future and your life in this manner.

jetplane

I have taken notice of and appreciated everything people have said over the last couple of months. My mindset has definitely altered a lot, I am more able to see things as what they are, instead of what I'd imagined them to be.

It is going to be hard for me to walk away (as I have just found out!) but I know that ultimately I will have to, not because he doesn't love me, I genuinely believe he does, but because at the moment he cannot give me everything that I want and need.

I'm actually wondering whether this is some kind of sophisticated wind up. As I don't think you've taken any notice of anyone, your mindset hasn't changed at all. Some people have taken the time to be supportive of you and kind to you. I think you should apologise for wasting everyone's time.

Did you just need some attention because you don't get it from him? You have shown him your weakest side and sacrificed your self respect while giving his ego a huge boost.

Sorry if this is direct but you got 136 pages of concern that haven't made a jot of difference.

I think this affair has a happy ending for him.

Wickedkitten

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Thankyou, no we've decided on a very very small wedding, getting married on Friday.

Roll neck fluffy sweaters huh? Well...... we all like different things :rotfl:

Ooh congrats to you and your missus! :T

CH27

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Thankyou, no we've decided on a very very small wedding, getting married on Friday.

Roll neck fluffy sweaters huh? Well...... we all like different things :rotfl:

How exciting. Congratulations:beer:

essexgirly

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't think it's always practical or desirable to put someone elses needs before your own but it is certainly one aspect of loving someone.



I'm still seeing him because the thought of not seeing him isn't a pleasant one. He is kind and loving, we make each other feel great, make each other happy, and letting go of that is proving harder than I thought it would be.

I do think he will leave his wife but I don't think it will be anytime soon, certainly at least for a couple of years.

I've pm'd you PTN. Hope you get it!

purpletoenails

jetplane wrote: »

I'm actually wondering whether this is some kind of sophisticated wind up. As I don't think you've taken any notice of anyone, your mindset hasn't changed at all. Some people have taken the time to be supportive of you and kind to you. I think you should apologise for wasting everyone's time.

Did you just need some attention because you don't get it from him? You have shown him your weakest side and sacrificed your self respect while giving his ego a huge boost.

Sorry if this is direct but you got 136 pages of concern that haven't made a jot of difference.

I think this affair has a happy ending for him.

No it's not a wind up, No, I don't need any extra attention, and yes this thread has made a significant difference (maybe not apparent to you - but it has!)

I'm sorry if anyone feels I've wasted their time, that wasn't my intention.

POPPYOSCAR

jetplane wrote: »

I'm actually wondering whether this is some kind of sophisticated wind up. As I don't think you've taken any notice of anyone, your mindset hasn't changed at all. Some people have taken the time to be supportive of you and kind to you. I think you should apologise for wasting everyone's time.

Did you just need some attention because you don't get it from him? You have shown him your weakest side and sacrificed your self respect while giving his ego a huge boost.

Sorry if this is direct but you got 136 pages of concern that haven't made a jot of difference.

I think this affair has a happy ending for him.

I understand what you are saying, but I do not think this thread has been a waste of everyone's time. It has raised some very interesting points which have been debated, in the main,in a thoughtful way, and even though I have at times disagreed with some of the stances taken, nonetheless I have enjoyed my time on here.

I also think it has given a lot of people(some who may not even post but just read through) a lot to think about, which can only be for the good.

POPPYOSCAR

purpletoenails wrote: »

No it's not a wind up, No, I don't need any extra attention, and yes this thread has made a significant difference (maybe not apparent to you - but it has!)

I'm sorry if anyone feels I've wasted their time, that wasn't my intention.

I do not feel like that. I do not post on here to try to influence others or tell them what to do. I post on here because I enjoy the debate and exchanging of ideas.

Kay_Peel

It's about you, isn't it? You want more. You want to have what other couples have. But you're too afraid of what the future holds and of being alone. Shall I stay, you ask yourself, and get love and attention for a few snatched hours/days (and it's better than nothing); or shall I go, because this love affair no longer gives me what I want?

In a short time your son will be in his mid 20s and your daughter will be off to University. With your adult children making their own lives, finding partners and making careers, you will be at a crossroads. Other women of your age relish this stage of their life, especially if there is a partner to enjoy holidays together, long walks, leisurely evenings with friends, etc etc. You won't have any of that.

As he gets nearer to retirement he's unlikely to contemplate re-starting his life with a woman who lives miles away, especially because it means having to divide up his pension, his assets and all that he and his wife have jointly worked for. As time goes on it is LESS likely that he will start again, poorer, with another partner.

So you're stuck. Is an affair enough for you?

whitewing

Maybe you need to do something to mark the end of the affair. Have yourself an 'end of affair' day, or holiday or spa weekend. Let it go with a sense of occasion. So there's no turning back.