Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Kay_Peel

If 'nothing changed' during the time when you half-heartedly finished with him, what makes you think it will change now?

lostinrates

It IS PTN's choice and life: even if we think we can see that she's been manipulated exactly into the stereotypical position we aren't making the hard choices.

What I would say is that the hard choices made really do include treating his family, his wife and his children very, very poorly, knowingly. I do not write the married person off his portion of blame. But neither, I'm afraid, can I consider a knowing partner innocent of causing hurt to others. An unknowing one absoltely, but PTN has thought this through and decided her/his feelings and justifications are more important to her than those of his children. I'm so sorry PTN, I have grown to like what we know of you from this thread, but I can't help thinking less of you from this behaviour. I still wish you well.

PTN, have you told your daughter yet?

I'm afraid it looks like you are where some posters more knowing than I suggested you'd be. Does it feel like ''a happy ending''?

Nevertheless, I do not walk in your shoes, PTN, and so I can only put forward my opinion. I hope sincerely for you those shoes are better than they sound.

lostinrates

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

IPTN I know you won't like reading this, but you are deluding yourself bigtime, and it WILL end in tears.

she might not be. People do leave. He might well be arranging his finances to arrange to leave his wife with as little of the money they have built up during their marriage as possible. Of course, I doubt it would be phrased like that. He'd say he wants to do the right thing, but needs to have enough to set himself up with PTN after wards, that he's worked hard for.

Bogof_Babe

lostinrates wrote: »

she might not be. People do leave. He might well be arranging his finances to arrange to leave his wife with as little of the money they have built up during their marriage as possible. Of course, I doubt it would be phrased like that. He'd say he wants to do the right thing, but needs to have enough to set himself up with PTN after wards, that he's worked hard for.

Wouldn't he have told PTN that, if it were the case? He hasn't, as far as I can tell from what we know, given her the slightest reason to think that anything has changed as a result of her "ultimatum".

peachyprice

lostinrates wrote: »

she might not be. People do leave. He might well be arranging his finances to arrange to leave his wife with as little of the money they have built up during their marriage as possible. Of course, I doubt it would be phrased like that. He'd say he wants to do the right thing, but needs to have enough to set himself up with PTN after wards, that he's worked hard for.

Why would he do that. She's made it perfectly clear that she won't/can't finish with him, he has absolutely no reason on earth to destroy the convenient set up he has while she comes running back like a silly little girl.

No doubt PTN's deadline will come and go (notice she doesn't actually say when that is), there will be no change, and she'll still carry on being his dirtly little secret.

Emmzi

having slept on it - if you are going to be the msitress, be a demanding mistress.

jewellery. new car. exotic holiday. But mainly jewellry.

memories will fade, diamonds are forever. If you're going to do it, get milking it. Because you aren't getting a full time life partner here, and that may in fact suit you - but you're due a little insurance policy too to compensate you for the man and the life you have given up for this one..

halibut2209

Just tell the wife and let her chuck him out.

nickyhutch

lostinrates wrote: »

she might not be. People do leave. He might well be arranging his finances to arrange to leave his wife with as little of the money they have built up during their marriage as possible. Of course, I doubt it would be phrased like that. He'd say he wants to do the right thing, but needs to have enough to set himself up with PTN after wards, that he's worked hard for.

Some people leave and do the right thing financially by their exes, you know. My OH left his wife and signed the house over to her (his equity was worth around £100K), pays maintenance for the children and has always seen the chilren regularly. He came to live with me in poverty!

gratefulforhelp_2

purpletoenails wrote: »

I did try really hard to ignore him but ultimately found it too difficult.

Everything worth doing is difficult.

lostinrates wrote: »

PTN has thought this through and decided her/his feelings and justifications are more important to her than those of his children. I'm so sorry PTN, I have grown to like what we know of you from this thread, but I can't help thinking less of you from this behaviour.

This.

nickyhutch wrote: »

Some people leave and do the right thing financially by their exes, you know. My OH left his wife and signed the house over to her (his equity was worth around £100K), pays maintenance for the children and has always seen the chilren regularly. He came to live with me in poverty!

And he abandoned his family, don't forget that bit.

victory

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