Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

burnoutbabe

definately read the book "leaving matthew" By Jane fallon (ricky gervais other half).

About a man who does leave his wife for his mistress and the mistress suddenly doesn't want him but is driven by guilt that he has done this huge thing for her and hurt his wife and kids and actually she doesn't really want him. Makes a lot of sense, some things are only exciting as they are forbidden and day to day life with that man would drive you nuts.

princessdreamer

PTN be positive you could have ended up like my husbands mistress, when I kicked him out she was stuck with him. Not quite as much fun being the wife, having the bills and the dirty washing. You deserve a man who loves you and only you, not a life of who is he with what is he doing. A lier will always be a liar.

Margaret52129

PTN - how are you doing? I hope you are just keeping yourself busy over these last few days and not getting too depressed over your split.

Have you been strong enough to ignore any texts asking you to meet/talk with from your bf? It will be very hard to do that, but if you can I'm sure you will be able to go forward knowing that if you reply to them it would only be lighting the fire again as I'm sure you still have lots of sparks flying for him.

Only if he was 100% in confirming that he has left his wife for you should you reply/contact him. It's no good him saying please come back and I'll leave her, let him leave first otherwise you'd be in the exact same place as before, only worse, I think, as he would then know he's winning you over and can keep you hanging on till he's ready or not to split.

You are really worth more than that, so chin up and keep on moving onwards to a better life.

victory

PTN you ok?

purpletoenails

Just a quick update.

Yes we are still in touch, in fact I met with him last week

I did try really hard to ignore him but ultimately found it too difficult. I have managed to pull away from him a bit emotionally, I'm trying to get on with my life and do things I want to do and not think about him so much. I have come to realise that I spend such a lot of time and energy thinking about him, that it is actually really exhausting me.

I have now set in my mind a final time limit - I'm unsure whether to tell him when that is, but to me it's non negotiable. If nothing has changed by then, I am going to just disappear from his life.

Bubby

His poor poor wife and children, I would be ashamed of a father that could do that to my mother and a mother that could do that to another family

POPPYOSCAR

Hi Purpletoenails.

Thanks for the update.

I think you are making it harder for yourself by continuing to see him.

While you continue to do so, the chances are nothing will change, as he will not think you are truly serious.

I know it is hard, and takes an awful lot of strength, but for your own sake you need to make the break a clean one.The sooner you do this, the sooner you will recover from the emotional turmoil.

Emmzi

purpletoenails wrote: »

If nothing has changed by then, I am going to just disappear from his life.

I hope for your sake that is "tomorrow." If it ain't changed now, it won't change then. And I think you know that in your heart, and that he is a selfish, selfish man.

FagAshLil

OP, you are not in love with this man. You are in love with the man you want him to be. Big difference.

Even if he leaves his wife, you may not be happy as he may well be overwhelmed with guilt and you will never come first in front of his children.

At the moment you know what the right thing is but you are being stubborn, clinging to the romantic fantasy that your precious love will save the day.

It won't. He's proven that. But you're not listening.

Trust me - the only chance of happiness you have is to walk away. You are just prolonging the agony.

I say all this out of concern and life experience. You have to wise up and start loving yourself. I really hope you do.

Money_maker

Well nothings changed then and I reckon after 2664 posts on this thread, nothing will do.

He knows you want more so will be a little more attentive to you for a while. He also knows that you need him more than he needs you and any future ultimatums can be easily talked round.

I wish you luck PTN and hope that many years down the line this thread does not come back to haunt you. I can think of many more reasons why he is unable to leave once the children are grown up that he could pull out of the hat in years to come.