Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Bubby

If I came across as harsh rest assured that was not my intention, I don't think you are a bad person but you have done something bad and I just hope you can rectify that:)

purpletoenails

Don't normally log in while I'm at work, but just thought I'd pop on quickly as theres no one in the office at the moment.

Thank you for all your comments

I feel that some people are getting slightly exasperated with me, and I can understand why.

I won't deny that I'm finding it very difficult to break away. If there had been a big row, or he'd done something to really upset me then it would be much easier as the hurt and indignation would keep me going. As it is, things were going along as they always had been, it was the situation that was making me feel so discontent, not him, and the thought of never seeing him or hearing from him again makes me feel quite lost. I am convinced that had circumstances been different then we would be happily together now.

I know that to get over him I will need to completely break away, cut all ties, delete him from my life. It's a bit like pulling off a plaster I suppose, the slower you do it, the more it hurts, and for longer. I feel at the moment like I have just lifted the corners a bit, to gauge how sticky it is, to see how easy it's going to be to pull off, and found it well and truly stuck. But I am pulling at the edges, and just trying to pluck up the courage to do the final rip!

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

I feel that some people are getting slightly exasperated with me, and I can understand why.

Its your life.

I feel that unless honest and candid about their interpretation posters are not being what you were originally finding helpful.

edit: re plasters...you know that inching them off is far worse than just ripping and holding the skin taught. the more you tease and play at them the bigger the pain becomes.

This isn't a plaster, its going to hurt more and for longer, unlike a plaster which is over in seconds. But you are making it infitely more painful for yourself atm by teasing at it.

as regards the friendship, you mentioned your close group of friends and a sister who know about the situation. Maybe now, while dropping contact, is the time to draw on the strength of those relationships and use them to help fill that void for a little while.

Pollycat

Lostinrates
totally off-topic I know but is there a typo in your signature?

lostinrates

Pollycat wrote: »

Lostinrates
totally off-topic I know but is there a typo in your signature?

yes and no. Longish story, touched on ages ago OT in this thread. :D

justmel

I don't think that anyone is exasperated by your love for this man PTN,no one would really expect you to switch off emotionally in a matter of days or even weeks etc but that love is blinding you to a lot of realities.

I know it is hard to see the bad in someone you love,you don't want to believe that he is being selfish or putting only his wants above everything else but right now that is exactly what he is doing.

He knows full well that for you the only way this relationship could continue in a way that isn't going to cause you anymore pain is if he leaves his wife but from what i can gather he has made no move to do that which speaks for itself.

I think that unless he does that seeing him would be a huge mistake,you love him,you will not find it easy to look him in the eye and ask him to believe it is over.

A clean break is going to hurt but so is dragging it out and dragging it out will hurt you for longer,i have a feeling that once you do actually stop all contact and allow yourself some real time to grieve for him that you will look back and be able to see for yourself what so many people here are trying to point out to you.

Lotus-eater

purpletoenails wrote: »

I am convinced that had circumstances been different then we would be happily together now.

Yes, I agree, but they're not and the sooner you are truthful to yourself about that, the better.

Pollycat

purpletoenails wrote: »

It's a bit like pulling off a plaster I suppose, the slower you do it, the more it hurts, and for longer. I feel at the moment like I have just lifted the corners a bit, to gauge how sticky it is, to see how easy it's going to be to pull off, and found it well and truly stuck. But I am pulling at the edges, and just trying to pluck up the courage to do the final rip!

PTN, take a deep breath, grip the edge of that plaster very hard and pull. :eek:

sulkisu

Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Not for all of the people involved - at least one person (possibly more) will be hurt.

FatVonD

PTN, he will stop messaging when you stop replying.