Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Pollycat

PTN
I think this guy is being incredibly unfair to you by continuing to contact you after you have told him it's over.

I've just skimmed the latest posts but is he saying that he wants you to be together and he'll leave his wife or is it just texts designed to reel you back in?

Please be strong, you've done the hardest part by ending it.
Don't take a step back to being that woman who had (after a couple of years seeing him) started to question whether what you had with this married man was enough for you.

You, over a period of time and laying your heart bare on here (asnd taking a considerable amount of flak at times), decided it wasn't.

Unless things have changed within his life and he can commit to you, you'll be right back where you were in mid July agonising over the amount of time he could spare for you.

Youdontseeme

I would send him one last text.

"Have you left her?
Until you can answer that question with a YES I would appreciate it if you stop contacting me. If you care for me as much as you say you do, please respect my wishes."

Currently, he is being a total coward, something I don’t think any woman finds attractive, you may find the longer this goes on the better off you really are by making this decision.

Like they say if you love somebody set them free.......... and all that mushy rubbish.

I do wish you all the best wishes in the world; you appear to have handled this rather tacky situation (no offence I have been there!) with the upmost class.

You deserve better.


YDSM

euronorris

purpletoenails wrote: »

Yes, I have heard from him. As you know, he was thinking about paying me a visit, but luckily that didn't happen. He is wanting to meet later in the week though.

He is being exceptionally selfish and unfair here. At this point, I would suggest sending a text with the content that Lostinrates provided before, and also add 'If you do decide to come down, despite me asking you to respect my wishes, you will be turned away at the door by XX (a trusted friend or family member), as they are staying with me at present and I have told them to turn you away.'.

Hopefully, that should get the message across, loud and clear that you will not entertain any of this from him. After that, refuse to answer any of his texts and calls.

It really does get better with time. And you will move on and have a much better life without him. I know it's hard to believe right now as you don't feel that way, but it will happen. That's all you have to keep in mind, it WILL get better.

Edit: Also, I know that it can be very hard to cut contact cold turkey, BUT....think of it this way: When you do cut contact, it is hard at first, but starts to ease little by little, hour by hour, day by day. But, when/if you do cave in and restart contact, what happens? Nothing has changed, so you have to start over and face the hardest part all over again.

So, in reality, whilst cutting contact cold turkey is bl00dy hard work and painful, it IS the LEAST difficult and LEAST painful way to do it. Trust me, I've been there with a cheating ex. The best thing I ever did was to cut contact completely, much to his annoyance. I genuinely think I was the first woman to do that with him. All the others still seemed to be around in the background somewhere as 'friends'.

Lotus-eater

I think the main message here, is, if you want to break up with him, then do so properly. If you don't, then don't.

He isn't acting like any sort of an honourable man any more. (that was debatable to start with, but PTN's always thought he did act that way)


I'm afraid I am starting to wonder, if this thread is a real story, or if it's just that, a story. It just seems to go on and on, with all the best points by posters being totally ignored by PTN's.

Errata

Certainly anyone with a cynical turn of mind night wonder if all this was quite sophisticated trolling. Others might ccome to the conclusion that both of the couple are players: him for playing away, her for telling him it's over but continuing to keep him interested by responding to his contacts.

Lotus-eater

Errata wrote: »

Certainly anyone with a cynical turn of mind night wonder if all this was quite sophisticated trolling.

I'm trying to work out if I've been sophisticatedly insulted. :think:

lostinrates

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I'm afraid I am starting to wonder, if this thread is a real story, or if it's just that, a story. It just seems to go on and on, with all the best points by posters being totally ignored by PTN's.

I don't think that makes it fake. In fact OI think its just that attitude that allows people to do things like cheat...a similar thing to the ''its diffeent for us because....'' as trying to get at.

The thing is, most of us do that at times, because we'd go made otherwise. an example of another context often seen on mse is people saying they would like to feed ethical meat/free range eggs but cannot afford too because they ''have'' to eat meat every day. If people make the choice, thats their right, but most of us can see ways to cut down on meat/use cheaper cuts more often. As I say, I think most of us do it about somethings sometimes at least.

Bubby

I have sat on my hands for too long:o

PTN, if you really want to let this man go and move on with your life then do so, it isn't easy but it is simple just don't respond to his texts or phonecalls and he will soon move on to his next victim.

His wife however awful he has made her out to be (don't they all have this in common;)) is totally oblivious to what a coward and a cheater her husband is, can't you let him try and work things out with her? They have children together and I am a firm believer in working things out if you have children (there are exceptions to the rule on this)

If you are feeling sad, lonely, heartbroken and you only saw him part time then imagine what his wife and children will feel having lived with him and had a life together?

You have done the right thing by letting him go and there is no way you can still be friends so throw yourself into something else and build a life away from the clutches of this man.

Lotus-eater

I'm not saying it is fake, I'm just saying it's starting to feel a little odd.

PTN's seems to have changed from being honest with herself and rational, to totally the opposite.

I suspect that could be love

euronorris

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I suspect that could be love

It can have that effect on people. It certainly has with me in the past. Brings out that powerful emotion denial.

Denial is particularly damaging, as it allows us to excuse away certain behaviour in ourselves, and in each other in order to avoid other better, but more painful options.

The behaviour PTN is now is displaying is textbook of 99% of my friend's actions (and mine also) when experiencing a nasty break up (or, for some, ANY breakup).