Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

MrsAtobe

peachyprice wrote: »

But do you actually trust yourself to stick to your guns when he's there sweet talking you, touching you, trying to hug you?

If you do, then great, it will be good for you to tell him face to face, if you aren't 100% sure you can resist then god help you.

I would be tempted to meet somewhere neutral if you do see him this weekend, so that you have the option of telling him and then walking away. You know him better than us, obviously, is he the sort of person who will finally accept that you mean what you say when you do tell him face to face? Or deep down are you hoping that if he sees you one last time, then he will realise its you he wants?

I don't know whether to wish you luck or not, but I do hope you find some happiness soon.

Emmzi

purpletoenails wrote: »

I am very tempted to let him come and see me, and tell him to his face. Not only will it cause him a great deal of inconvenience to come down, but he might actually believe I mean what I'm saying.

He will believe what you are saying if you stop contact completely. There is nothing else quite like it. Actions need to match words.

Lotus-eater

There's am easy way to tell just how he feels.

Just tell him that if he contacts you again, you will tell his wife.

Now if he loves and feels the way about you, that you feel about him, he won't care if you threaten to tell his wife, he will want you so badly, he will do almost anything to get you. That includes contacting you again to try and be with you all the time.

If he doesn't contact you you know the truth.

You have to be convincing though. No half measures. The one danger is, that he might think he can call your bluff, because he thinks you aren't that type of vindictive person. So you have to convince him you are.

Lotus-eater

purpletoenails wrote: »

I am very tempted to let him come and see me, and tell him to his face. Not only will it cause him a great deal of inconvenience to come down, but he might actually believe I mean what I'm saying.

No no no, do not do this!

You'll be crazy if you do and I suspect in bed in under an hour with him.

If you really want to finish it do it properly, telling him you're seeing someone else is a great idea.

victory

PTN I can fully understand that you want to see him, you have in your mind played games with yourself that you will see him and take pleasure from telling him- you won't, it will make you feel worse because after the meeting or even in it you will think to yourself I want this man, I want him forever and he has come to listen to me telling him to leave me alone.

If only he has come to tell me he wants me as much as I want him and he is leaving his wife.....

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

I am very tempted to let him come and see me, and tell him to his face. Not only will it cause him a great deal of inconvenience to come down, but he might actually believe I mean what I'm saying.

I don't think thats any fairer of you than I believe he is being to you. TBH, if it were to go to a relationship it doesn't sound terribly caring towards each others' needs at this stage...which is a change from how you have spoken before.

If you both care so much about each others' wellbeing why not behave like it? ''X I do care about you, but I also care about me and my family, and this is no longer working for me and my family. I have told you that and you are not respecting that. PLease do not contact me again unless in the future you find you have separated, in which case do by all means check to see if I am available. I want this to end well with us still caring about each other: if you continue to contact me it makes life much harder, so please don't''

If he contacts you after that good luck convincing us he really cares!

lostinrates

MrsAtobe wrote: »

I would be tempted to meet somewhere neutral

I think they usually have met somewhere nuetral, and that that has been part of the romance because PTN is a sweety and he doesn';t have to deal with the whole picture of normal human female mood fluctuations, or kid problems or doing his part of the housework etc etc.

FatVonD

purpletoenails wrote: »

I am very tempted to let him come and see me, and tell him to his face. Not only will it cause him a great deal of inconvenience to come down, but he might actually believe I mean what I'm saying.

Sorry, PTN, the only person you're fooling with that reasoning/excuse for seeing him is yourself (and deep down I suspect you're not even fooling yourself.)

Changing your phone number would get the message across perfectly and, re not wanting to change your number because you've had it a long time, may I refer you back to my previous comment

If you won an iphone but it was on a different network you'd change your number, you have in your sights a whole new and better life but you won't change it for that? The only reason can be that you want him to keep contacting you

You only need to change your mobile number, presumably he respects the fact your daughter isn't privy to all the facts enough that he won't call on the home number. Even if he does then he'll have to make the effort to speak to you rather than just text.

FatVonD

Lotus-eater wrote: »

There's am easy way to tell just how he feels.

Just tell him that if he contacts you again, you will tell his wife.

Now if he loves and feels the way about you, that you feel about him, he won't care if you threaten to tell his wife, he will want you so badly, he will do almost anything to get you. That includes contacting you again to try and be with you all the time.

If he doesn't contact you you know the truth.

You have to be convincing though. No half measures. The one danger is, that he might think he can call your bluff, because he thinks you aren't that type of vindictive person. So you have to convince him you are.

Lotus Eater, you are a genius.

MrsAtobe

lostinrates wrote: »

I think they usually have met somewhere nuetral, and that that has been part of the romance because PTN is a sweety and he doesn';t have to deal with the whole picture of normal human female mood fluctuations, or kid problems or doing his part of the housework etc etc.

I may have misinterpreted the coming down to see me post - I'd forgotten that her DD is still at home.