Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Kay_Peel

purpletoenails wrote: »

Had some messages from him Sunday and yesterday but nothing today so far.

Gawd but I detest the thought of receiving text messages in these circumstances.

I imagine him to be sitting in a toilet, or waiting until his wife has left the room, or taking up smoking so that he can walk around the garden, before furiously sending messages when the coast is clear. I bet he's got a great 'back story' to cover himself - a work colleague, possibly, having trouble with his girl-friend.

Here's a little tester for him. Try ringing him and talking. Don't do it once - let it be your preferred method of communication every time he texts.

How he reacts will tell you all that you need to know about his 'confusion'. If he puts you on hold, calls you 'Dave' or tells you that he'll ring later then you know exactly where you stand. On your own.

Errata

He's not being selfish, he's manipulating you so you'll fall into line. Beware.

victory

Oh PTN I can understand your pain but what he is doing is no good for you, has he promised you anything? Is it going to change or will he just be the same relationship? Has he said he will leave his wife? Just texting is no good without actual definetes.

inmypocketnottheirs

Hi PTN. I posted a while back and have been following your thread. I'm so sorry to be harsh, but I can really only say it's time to wake up and smell the coffee. This guy is treating you and your feelings like dirt.

I fail to see how he can continue to show you such disrespect.

Plus as has been mentioned before, let's just assume he does leave his wife for you. How long until he plays away again?

Leopards do not change their spots.

Grow strong. Move on. And find someone who treats you how you should be treated.

MissMitch

purpletoenails wrote: »

Thank you for all your comments, much as it pains me to read them. I don't like to hear mean things about him, nor do I like to think he's trying to take advantage of my good nature, but it's quite possible that he is. Perhaps in a few months time I'll be able to see what he's doing now a bit more clearly.

He has been a very important part of my life for quite some time and I guess this is going to take a while to get over.

PTN, don't doubt what you feel you had with him because that sort of rumination can make people weaker & more vunerable than is necessary, and in my opinion that only adds to the misery and suffering. Just focus on the fact that the relationship under those terms wasn't enough for you and was making you unhappy and that since they are the only terms on offer right now, you've got to look after yourself and choose to what works for you. x

purpletoenails

I am very tempted to let him come and see me, and tell him to his face. Not only will it cause him a great deal of inconvenience to come down, but he might actually believe I mean what I'm saying.

CH27

purpletoenails wrote: »

I am very tempted to let him come and see me, and tell him to his face. Not only will it cause him a great deal of inconvenience to come down, but he might actually believe I mean what I'm saying.

But equally he might woo you around with sweet talk.
I'd be firm & tell him to stop contacting you.

peachyprice

But do you actually trust yourself to stick to your guns when he's there sweet talking you, touching you, trying to hug you?

If you do, then great, it will be good for you to tell him face to face, if you aren't 100% sure you can resist then god help you.

Money_maker

purpletoenails wrote: »

a great deal of inconvenience to come down

Says it all really. Obviously it's your call but this is the reason you are calling time on this. You are neither his future nor his past. Just an 'inconvenience' which he chooses to keep as a distraction to his real life.

So sorry to be blunt, hope you are keeping busy.

FatVonD

He is stringing you along because it suits him. You are going along with it because you think it means he loves you. It doesn't. Nothing has changed, he's still not going to leave his wife so why are you taking a step backwards?

Sorry if that sounds harsh but I've been there, done that (with a player) *wearing the T-shirt* and you will SO be kicking yourself that you let him string you along. Kick him to the kerb!

I don't normally post too much personal stuff on here but I'll make an exception in this case I met my lovely husband on a dating site, he'd actually 'winked' at me 7 months before but I was too tight/too caught up in being 'played' by somebody to bother to pay for full membership so didn't know he had. I could have had 7 months of extra happiness and avoided an emotional meltdown (when the degree of the ex's 'playing' became known) if I'd refused to be played and I will always regret that I didn't.