Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Kay_Peel

Translation Service by K.P.

He says:

'I'm confused' meaning: 'What's changed? I thought you liked being my bit on the side'

'I'll get it sorted' meaning: 'I'm going to wear you down until you let me have my way.'

"I'm coming down to see you this weekend" meaning: 'Sex would be nice. Get the kettle on.'

"I love you" meaning: 'I know you like to hear this. I love our relationship because you give me affection and sex, but there are no strings attached. perfect!'

You know what would make him jump, don't you? Send him a text saying:

'I'm seeing someone else' meaning: 'I'm having a (girl) friend round sometime'.

You're allowed to send ambiguous, deceptive and gut-wrenching text messages too. You won't be lying.

Either that or bar his calls/texts.

In 10 years time you will be kicking yourself for wasting the best years of your young life.

smartpicture

MrsAtobe wrote: »

could I suggest that you assign a silent ring tone for both calls and messages from him? It was a tip given to me by Orange when I had finished with someone who wouldn't accept it. You can then deal with the messages when you feel like it, rather than reacting immediately.

This is SUCH a good idea. I know from experience how hard it can be feeling on edge expecting the phone to ring or beep and feeling unable to ignore it when it did, but not wanting to cut myself off from anyone else trying to contact me. I gradually let the periods when I permitted myself to deal with his messages get longer and longer until they lost their power to make me react.

Loving someone you can't have (for your own sake) is like an addiction, and you have to wean yourself off it. The absolute best and most effective way is, of course, cold turkey, if you can manage it. It's not easy though.

justmel

I agree he is playing mind games,he has seen that you are prepared to walk away from him and let's be honest here if he really wanted you this would be the time that he would leave his wife but as of now he isn't doing that.

All he seems to want is for the affair to continue,now if he leaves his wife then comes to you that is different but all the time he is still with her any contact he makes with you is just to get things back to how they were,frankly that is an insult to both his wife and to you,you know you deserve better than that.

purpletoenails

Thank you for all your comments, much as it pains me to read them. I don't like to hear mean things about him, nor do I like to think he's trying to take advantage of my good nature, but it's quite possible that he is. Perhaps in a few months time I'll be able to see what he's doing now a bit more clearly.

He has been a very important part of my life for quite some time and I guess this is going to take a while to get over.

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

Thank you for all your comments, much as it pains me to read them. I don't like to hear mean things about him, nor do I like to think he's trying to take advantage of my good nature, but it's quite possible that he is. Perhaps in a few months time I'll be able to see what he's doing now a bit more clearly.

He has been a very important part of my life for quite some time and I guess this is going to take a while to get over.

I'm so sorry it hurts you.

What you MIGHt coinsider is that all we have heard is whats come through you. Those making balanced judgements are making them through information given BY YOU.


I'm also sorry this is so hard. I hope you can see thos eof us suggesting a clean break is fair are suggesting that for your wellbeing, not out of malice.

CH27

purpletoenails wrote: »

Thank you for all your comments, much as it pains me to read them. I don't like to hear mean things about him, nor do I like to think he's trying to take advantage of my good nature, but it's quite possible that he is. Perhaps in a few months time I'll be able to see what he's doing now a bit more clearly.

He has been a very important part of my life for quite some time and I guess this is going to take a while to get over.

It will do hun but if you allow him to keep contacting you he will keep you in limbo.

purpletoenails

Yes I totally understand why a clean break is being suggested, it might actually be better if I just totally disappear off his radar. I am convinced he loves me though, I don't think I'm being foolish thinking that. But I agree he is being very selfish trying to draw me back into exactly where I was before.

Wickedkitten

CH27 wrote: »

It will do hun but if you allow him to keep contacting you he will keep you in limbo.

Yep, I'm agreeing with everyone else in saying that he is being unbelievably selfish here. You've already told him it's over and not to contact you yet here he is not thinking about your need to get the hell over him whilst he is still living with his wife. He's not thinking about what you need, but rather what he wants.

By the same token though, you need to stay strong PTN and cut off communication from your end because you aren't doing yourself any good by staying in contact with him if you are really wanting to end it.

Emmzi

I recommend "it's called a break up because it's broken."

Excellent book.

Bogof_Babe

I have no doubt that he loves you, in his own way, but in this country unless he can offer you exclusivity his love counts for nothing.