Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

Theres a few things rumbling around due to the wobble I had on Weds night. We will probably meet week after next, if I make it til then.

I'm not sure how to interpret this. Did your wobble involve phone him and retracting or reinforcing your ultimatum? Did he suggest he was leaning in either direction? What if you don't ''make it til then''? You mean if you need to see him sooner? Has that happened before, how would he explain it to work/family?

It seems to me even an affair that is highly ''emotional'' rather than purely physical has some get out in that the partner with a family gets to miss out on a lot of the negative emotions, but to rejoice in the positive ones! With many men not handling emotion terribly well I can see how this would be appealing, and how the wife, whose full range of empotions has to be ''bourne'' could seem such a dreary comparison!

Lotus-eater

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Or 'phone sex, or sexting???

Yeah....... not very satisfying those.

Tbh, if my OH had an affair, the physical side of it, wouldn't hit me anywhere near as hard as the emotional side. If she just wanted sex because she wasn't happy in that way, I could understand that to an extent (but not her not coming and telling me first), but for her to get emotional love and care from someone else, that would kill me.

FatVonD

Marisco wrote: »

There you go, have that one on me

Thank you!

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

um, it's a bit early in the day, thanks

PTN, are you talking a 'weebles wobble but they don't fall down' type of wobble or a full slither off the dish into the blancmange? Have you said something you can't take back that might have weakened your position?

*Employs smilie"

SaLoGo

Marisco wrote: »

Yes , you're right. It does, of course depend on who you ask. Although you can have different answers from the same person, i.e no it wasn't a happy ending when my ex left, yes it was, when oh left his ex Although, having said that, when I got myself sorted, my ex leaving was the best thing that happened!! But initially, no, it wasn't happy. But you have to dust yourself down and get on with it.:)

I completely agree, I thought my life was over. Thought I'd never stop feeling sad and angry and I'd never stop missing him. But time goes on, things get easier. At one point I thought to myself why should I let them ruin my life and I'm much more positive now and am in a very happy (and trusting) relationship.

I do believe my views on cheating/adultery are very biased after what I've been through and I see things in black and white, but while I can't get my head around someone starting anything with a married person I can see how hard it must be to let someone who you love dearly go.

PTN as much as I wanted to dislike you at the start of the thread and want to (still) scream at you to let this guy go, I think you deserve better than to be someones bit on the side and I truely hope you find the happiness you're looking for whatever you decide.

gratefulforhelp_2

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Tbh, if my OH had an affair, the physical side of it, wouldn't hit me anywhere near as hard as the emotional side. If she just wanted sex because she wasn't happy in that way, I could understand that to an extent (but not her not coming and telling me first), but for her to get emotional love and care from someone else, that would kill me.

And me. Well I would be cross as a bag of cats about the physical bit:rotfl:

SaLoGo wrote: »

I see things in black and white

No shame in that;)

lostinrates

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Yeah....... not very satisfying those.

Tbh, if my OH had an affair, the physical side of it, wouldn't hit me anywhere near as hard as the emotional side. If she just wanted sex because she wasn't happy in that way, I could understand that to an extent (but not her not coming and telling me first), but for her to get emotional love and care from someone else, that would kill me.

Absolutely. 100%. Its the betrayal of emotion that would be gut wrenching and lifechanging more than the physcial act, which lets face it, even for the most highly sexed is only part of a commited relationship.

I think when I was thinking about emotions before that's what really struck me about affairs though....though she has felt bad PTN hasn't had the kind of support one expects in a commited relationship of anysort. e.g. it wouldn't have to be a lover who takes you out for a drink when you feel low....even a good friend is able to do that, and yet, ptns lover cannot. Though dh and I live apart weekdays if I'm seriously ill, or if one of us had a crisis or I suppose a row, there is no way we wouldn't make arrangement to be together, even if that meant him getting the train a couple of times and me driving up after doing stuff here then driving back at dawn. Partly, perhaps, PTN's demeanor has made this ''easier'' for the bloke, because she ''behaves well'' he's sheilded from that.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, its like a jigsaw of a thought where the piece fits but the image on it is wrong for the gap, or the picture looks right but doesn't quite fit. :o

victory

I saw a film once and the image now comes back to mind where the wife finds out husband has been talking intimately about their turbulant relationship with his woman colleague at work, she is telling her friend and is desolate and friend consoles her that there was no sexual contact only kissing and talking..

The wife replies 'but that is worse, he opened his heart to her, he kissed her, he spent time with her, whether they had intercourse or not is beside the point, he has already deceived me, he has already given more to her than me, he was with her'

Wickedkitten

victory wrote: »

I saw a film once and the image now comes back to mind where the wife finds out husband has been talking intimately about their turbulant relationship with his woman colleague at work, she is telling her friend and is desolate and friend consoles her that there was no sexual contact only kissing and talking..

The wife replies 'but that is worse, he opened his heart to her, he kissed her, he spent time with her, whether they had intercourse or not is beside the point, he has already deceived me, he has already given more to her than me, he was with her'

Aye, I think that is well worse simply because that takes it a lot further than just a roll in the hay.

One of my old male mates actually said that he didn't care what his girlfriend did with other blokes as long as she didn't kiss them because kissing is intimate, whereas I suppose having another man inside her, at least in his head wasn't.

purpletoenails

Not sure how much I'm going to be able to tell you but the relationship is over. Even though I instigated it, I am feeling pretty devastated and desolate at the moment.

CH27

purpletoenails wrote: »

Not sure how much I'm going to be able to tell you but the relationship is over. Even though I instigated it, I am feeling pretty devastated and desolate at the moment.

(((PTN)))

The way you are feeling is natural hun. You are grieving the end of your hopes & dreams.

Have you got something to do tomorrow to keep you busy?