Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

gratefulforhelp_2

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

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Sounds quite normal to me!

I can remember when my children were young, standing in the middle of the kitchen and saying to myself if I don't sit down now, I will fall down, and I sat down there and then on the kitchen floor!!!!!!

I know someone with a young baby at the moment, and she and her OH are always having stupid and petty little arguments, only because they are both so tired - but they do recognize this, which helps.

The good thing is, it does get better!

We aren't at the arguing stage, thankfully...I'm grateful for the reminder. x

catkins wrote: »

I totally agree. I trust my OH 100% as he does me, but I have been told I am stupid, gullible, naive etc etc.

Yes the flip side of being a totally trusting partner is if (God forbid) one's spouse does cheat, people say "Well s/he must have known".

victory

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Victory, do you not think that this still would have been the outcome if the two had not had an affair and simply left their respective families because they were not happy?

True very good point, not sure either way, I am not sure either of them would have bothered to fix what was not broken kind of marriage, it was going along nicely, not madly in love, seeing angels in the sky, all of that no, but other things that are equally and maybe more important like a good provider and excellent dad, loyal and caring and loving all of that yes it is just when they met they both had this 'this is what we have been missing feeling' in unison.

It has been many years down the line now and they are all wracked with regret and that does not make the marriages they stayed in more than a show.

SaLoGo

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Yes the flip side of being a totally trusting partner is if (God forbid) one's spouse does cheat, people say "Well s/he must have known".

I 100% trusted my ex and had absolutely no idea he was cheating for 6 months.

People also say "well, you must have been in an unhappy marriage"... I wasn't, but obviously my ex was!

I do have to wonder how on earth my ex's OH trusts him after the way they got together.

On the bright side - she has to put up with the MIL from hell now :rotfl:

victory

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I also trust my OH 100% and I don't think he would have an affair in a million years - but I also always say 'never say never'.

I had a friend that checked her OH wallet, mobile, bank statements, letters what is the point? If you have to do all that to feel at peace then leave I say, I have better things to do with my time than be suspicious and keep trying to 'catch him out' if he wants out let him go, all that faffing around is so childish and not worth it, if he is off, he is off, end of.

I trust mine 100%, why else be here?

POPPYOSCAR

SaLoGo wrote: »

I 100% trusted my ex and had absolutely no idea he was cheating for 6 months.

People also say "well, you must have been in an unhappy marriage"... I wasn't, but obviously my ex was!

I do have to wonder how on earth my ex's OH trusts him after the way they got together.

On the bright side - she has to put up with the MIL from hell now :rotfl:

:rotfl:

I always like to think that out of something bad can come something good!

SaLoGo

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

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:rotfl:

I always like to think that out of something bad can come something good!

Ooooh, there's loads of good points...

• I moved 200 miles back to my family so get to see them twice a week instead of 2/3 times a year
• I've been reunited with lots of old (very good supportive) friends
• My DS got a place at an amazing special school
• I can shop without feeling guilty (he was quite controlling)
• If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have met my current (wonderful) partner
• I could go on but won't bore you all

I'd go as far as saying he did me a favour! I'm so much more happier now than I ever have been. I'm a completely different person now. I just wish that my ex had left me first, rather than having an affair (which he still denys, but the baby born 6 months later was proof enough)

While I do not in any way think what PTN is doing is a good thing, I suppose in my situation yes, an affair can have a happy ending (eventually)

lostinrates

victory wrote: »

I trust mine 100%, why else be here?

Trust is vital in my relationship. We spend apart mon-fri. I can't imagine not trusting him. Its not so much that our lifestyle demands it but that it is our lifestyle.

A few people did initially say...''that's brave'' or ''Rabbit in front of the greyhounds'' when we said what we were doing but I don't think it ever occured to either of us not to trust the other.

purpletoenails

Margaret52129 wrote: »

PTN - What if your man comes back to you with the answer you don't want to hear, ie that he is choosing to stay with his wife and then after being without you and missing you he decides months later to leave the marriage because he regrets his choice but you've been able to move on in your life and have found peace and perhaps a new friend, he was to contact you again after these months apart, what would you do?

It's a hard decision for you I guess, especially as you really don't know this would happen, but I was just wondering.

We did touch upon this last week, he asked me virtually the same question. My answer was that as long as I wasn't seeing anyone else then I would more than likely be willing to pick up where we'd left off. (as long as it was months rather than years!)

jonty1970

I'm glued to this thread

I have 2 broken marriages behind me, but they were violent. The 2nd never cheated, but not sure if the 1st did. I suspected and didn't care at the end.
Like Zsa Zsa Gabor, I'm a good housekeep :rotfl: Kept the house and chucked them out!

This one (3rd time lucky) one whiff of him playing around and he would be out! The house is in my name and I have my own money.
I don't need any man that much.
But I trust my fiance 100% (not married yet but have set a date) he's a lovely sweet man :happylove

I used to be black and white, but people have feelings. We are all different. And the only person I can judge is myself.

Why don't people talk about how they feel though, instead of looking to another person?
Sort out your marriage/relationship first and leave if you aren't happy.
Bringing another person into your life must surely make things worse all round?

And from seeing what happens with friends when they find out a partner has cheated, it's devastating!

MissMitch

Just to clarify what I was saying to VestanPance last night regarding 100% trust since it seems to be coming up a lot.

I think you should put 100% trust, or as near as damn it, into a relationship for sure. What I'm saying is that there is no 100% guarantee that they won't break that trust or let you down in some way at some point, not just infidelity wise, but I'm obviously talking about something significant enough to bring the relationship under great strain. For example I have a relative who has been through a very touch and go brush with cancer, and has suffered chronic depression ever since and this has put their rock solid marriage under the severe strain.

So, in an ham-fisted way, what I was trying to say was there are no guarantees in life, but if you are concious of that and have faith in yourself to survive pretty much any hurdle, then it's so worth having that faith and letting people into your life rather than cutting yourself off for the fear of being hurt.

Fortunately C.S. Lewis has already summed this up perfectly eloquently:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."