Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

jonty1970 wrote: »

I'm glued to this thread

I have 2 broken marriages behind me, but they were violent. The 2nd never cheated, but not sure if the 1st did. I suspected and didn't care at the end.
Like Zsa Zsa Gabor, I'm a good housekeep :rotfl: Kept the house and chucked them out!

This one (3rd time lucky) one whiff of him playing around and he would be out! The house is in my name and I have my own money.
I don't need any man that much.
But I trust my fiance 100% (not married yet but have set a date) he's a lovely sweet man :happylove

I used to be black and white, but people have feelings. We are all different. And the only person I can judge is myself.

Why don't people talk about how they feel though, instead of looking to another person?
Sort out your marriage/relationship first and leave if you aren't happy.
Bringing another person into your life must surely make things worse all round?

And from seeing what happens with friends when they find out a partner has cheated, it's devastating!

I'm so glad things have worked out for you I was also in an abusive relationship years ago, wasn't such a good housekeeper as you though, ended up in a homeless hostel with my little people for quite some time!

I agree that people should try and work out their differences and talk to each other about how they feel. Before my relationship with this man progressed beyond the friendship stage I asked him time and time again why he wasn't trying to make his marriage happier. Even now if he brings up something that has happened at home thats made him unhappy I will ask him why he is telling me, when he should be discussing it with his wife.

Both my sister and my best friend have been cheated on by their husbands, so I have seen the initial devastation that is caused. Both the husbands were hard working decent men and it was a shock to everyone. Both these lovely ladies have moved on, my sister has remarried and has a great life, my best friend is engaged to her new man.

CH27

purpletoenails wrote: »

I'm so glad things have worked out for you I was also in an abusive relationship years ago, wasn't such a good housekeeper as you though, ended up in a homeless hostel with my little people for quite some time!

I agree that people should try and work out their differences and talk to each other about how they feel. Before my relationship with this man progressed beyond the friendship stage I asked him time and time again why he wasn't trying to make his marriage happier. Even now if he brings up something that has happened at home thats made him unhappy I will ask him why he is telling me, when he should be discussing it with his wife.

Both my sister and my best friend have been cheated on by their husbands, so I have seen the initial devastation that is caused. Both the husbands were hard working decent men and it was a shock to everyone. Both these lovely ladies have moved on, my sister has remarried and has a great life, my best friend is engaged to her new man.

Are there children involved?

lostinrates

MissMitch wrote: »

So, in an ham-fisted way, what I was trying to say was there are no guarantees in life, but if you are concious of that and have faith in yourself to survive pretty much any hurdle, then it's so worth having that faith and letting people into your life rather than cutting yourself off for the fear of being hurt.
."

The creul truth is love akes you feel anything BUT vulnerable, but rather invinsable...


like thoseof us who trust our partners....I ''know'' dh is in the office right now...but of course I don't

we ''know'' our partners love us...we never can really know that, only believe it and have it demonstrated that they do a good show of it at least

We ''know he loves'' us despite his beatings....or his failures to put mney where the mouth is nd set up home

Its not urprising many successful marriages are built on other considerations via arrangemen when you consider how etherial and unsubstantiatable as love

inversley we know we love when we re the tetchy tired wives worrying about work/junior at school/the wrinkles appearing/what on earth the half onion and three sausages in the fridge can make for supper tomorrow and fail to demonstrate that love but rather snip, snap and snipe, never thinking that lack of demonstating of something we're taking for granted could be the foundation for the tales told to another woman or the justification in a new rlationship because we never show the love....


strange thing. wouldn't be without love, but also.....sometimes don't trust the saying of ''love'' is the actual thing.

candygirl

One of my best friends hubby walked out on her after nearly 30 years on Sat morning.She had no inkling anything was wrong.They had a fab life together, went dancing, on lots of hols and had a lovely life.She is devastated, and we are all gobsmacked:(:(

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

We did touch upon this last week, he asked me virtually the same question. My answer was that as long as I wasn't seeing anyone else then I would more than likely be willing to pick up where we'd left off. (as long as it was months rather than years!)

why not years? if you haven't met someone?

purpletoenails

MissMitch wrote: »

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

Oh that brought a tear to my eye

purpletoenails

CH27 wrote: »

Are there children involved?

My Sister has children but my best friend doesn't.

lostinrates wrote: »

why not years? if you haven't met someone?

Well thats a good question really, but if he left the marriage because he wanted to be with me, I expect he would realise quite quickly, I can't imagine it would take years.

CH27

purpletoenails wrote: »

My Sister has children but my best friend doesn't.


.

How were they affected by the divorce?

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

Well thats a good question really, but if he left the marriage because he wanted to be with me, I expect he would realise quite quickly, I can't imagine it would take years.

You are convinced he loves you, even if he chooses to stay, that I can believe you seemlovely.

But, by the same degree, is your love not strong enough to wait years should you be single in the future if he became so?

(fwiw, with my never was an affair chap, I said no, and urged him to fix his relationship and I would have no truck with it. I was not string enough to avoid saying ''but if it DOES go pear shaped...call me If I were single today and he called I'd still mee him and see. Trying, or trying failing and finishing properly seem to me like admirable traits in a potential partner...however, obviously now...well, now I'm not available!)

purpletoenails

CH27 wrote: »

How were they affected by the divorce?

They were quite young so adapted quickly and are absolutely fine, happy, doing well at school etc.