Can't control my jealousy & insecurity

lookingforsun

lookingforsun wrote: »

I know that all the responses I get, will be to tell me how stupid & selfish I'm being, I know this, I've been told this all my life, but it doesn't stop how I feel.

Ever since we were kids, my sister & I have had tremendous sibling rivalry (there is just a year between us). She was always daddy's girl, and my earliest memories are of me, phoning my nan in tears, because daddy wouldn't play with me (my mum had my baby brother by then).

My mum made matters worse, by telling me that my sister, was my dad's favourite & came even before her in my dad's affections (leading me to believe that wifes were no longer loved when a daughter was born), so my mum was jealous of my sister too.

My sister has always tried to 'charm' men. When I was pregnant with my son (a long time ago), she came downstairs in her underwear & asked my ex if he thought she had a good body, (she used to do this to friends of my parents much to their wives anger). She also thinks it's funny when most of her friend's husbands have said they fancied her (why they didn't kick their men for this I don't know).

I've always been insecure around her, and once met this gorgeous man, who she flirted with & was amazed when he fancied me, not her (I've had a few who've liked me not her). Some of my exes she now says confessed they fancied her along

My sister is getting divorced from her husband (he cheated; she cheated), and she gets a lot of sympathy from everyone (even though they separated 5 years ago). She manages to get my dad's builders to come over to hers to help her (they all fancy her of course), and basically everyone does everything to help when she wants it.

I got married 2 years ago. On the day of the wedding she pleaded with me not to marry, then she tried to make us late (luckily my dad told her to get lost), then she turned up wearing jeans :eek:

She hated DH & he her, and I was happy to keep them separate.

Two months ago it was my birthday, she came round & we were talking about weight (I've got a 9 month old). It transpired I weighed less than her - to which she replied "well I'm more toned than you, I could understand my husband having an affair if I looked like you"... She then went and 'flirted' with DH & I didn't talk to him for the rest of the night.

Anyway, she is now buying a new car, and has started ringing him all the time, asking for help. She's now asked him to go & look at one with her & he's agreed... I'm absolutely distraught over this. Not once did she 'allow' any of her men (including her DH) to help any of us out, yet she assumes my DH is there to help her.

I know I'm going to be called selfish - but she has so many male friends (mostly married) that she could ask... & I DON'T think it's good that she wants to be friendly with him...

I don't know what to do, I feel like a kid again. I know she'll dress up (she always does) with her cleavage showing & may well show him her 'toned' body & to be honest, the minute he says he finds her attractive he can go...:(:(:(:(:(

I mentioned I had a son, in the first post of this thread

Valerie84

I know it's hard, but I would tell her to stop acting like an attention seeking child. She needs to grow up. From what you have said, sounds like she is not short of any..she needs to learn when flirting is appropriate and not, and who with! Maybe some tough love, will make her wake up and realise she can't just act like this around anyone, and to have some self respect. I doubt people are as impressed, as she would like to believe.

bestpud

lookingforsun wrote: »

I mentioned I had a son, in the first post of this thread

Sorry, I missed that - you haven't mentioned him since.

Have you ever met your OHs son? You said he was due to move in but then moved away...

Your OH doesn't sound the caring father type to me, I have to say.

Lots of men don't get up and feed the baby in the night (and many women too, I guess) but that's different from getting aggressive with the other partner for soothing their crying baby!

A_Phoenix_of_Tangerine

And another thread, here: CLICK

I just don't get it, OP - you have written numerous threads all under different aliases in less than a year, all complaining about this man and how much crap you have to put up with. You have had a crazy amount of support, and sympathy, and advise; but for what? You completely ignore it, and rehash it all in different variations again and again. I really don't understand. You have all the answers, both yours and those that others have proffered. You must know by now in your heart what you need to be doing.. I may have this completely wrong, and I do apologise if this isn't the case, but with all the other threads in mind it's now seeming as if you might be doing this because you relish the attention and sympathy you get from people seeing you as a helpless victim?

Incapuppy

...and here is the nudist beach thread...

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2821148

The tales on these various threads really do almost beggar belief until you consider that mental illness in one or both partners in a relationship can complicate matters dreadfully.

OP, your Husband either really doesn't care for you or your feelings or his mental illness is causing him to behave in this manner but sadly I wonder if that would be a convenient excuse to make?

You need to get this man out of your life now, from what you have said you appear to be most fearful of him being able to take your baby away from you but if the other information you have posted about him is correct then I really cannot see how anyone would allow him to have custody if he has to take drugs to control his mental state that effectively leave him 'out cold' for hours on end.

Have you been frank with your parents about the whole situation or are you frightened of appearing unable to cope?

I really don't know what else to say that hasn't been said many many times before in the various threads

Sambucus_Nigra

The whole miserable tale is so sad - and out of this there will be 2 children that the OP has with this man.

And she can't go to family as we've seen how they treat her.

OP - you say you love him but you evidently don't - that's not love, that's fear.

Bambywamby

Those of you that see the OP as an attention seeker - don't bother replying to her thread then!

I see a woman that continually questions her own judgement due to her emotionally abusive husband. She doesn't have any support at home, so looks for it on here. Has told the same tale on all her posts over a period of time and therefore there is certainly some truth to the tale. Doesn,t have the emotional strengh to dump this r-sole or kick him out. And really just needs an ear to burn and some words of advice, one day she will leave him and maybe we can help her gather some kind of strength.

If you can't say anything constructive or kind...say nothing.

LegalBlonde

Wow not really the developments i was expecting after asking at 5pm yesterday what happened....was expecting "sis came round, flirted, i got mad"

I have read the rest of the thread and the other links and unfortunately really don't know what to say

Incapuppy

LegalBlonde wrote: »

I have read the rest of the thread and the other links and unfortunately really don't know what to say

It seems to me that the OP just doesn't have the strength mentally to extricate herself from this situation and I fear that things will just carry on in a downwards spiral and lead goodness knows where

I wonder if the OP was frank with her CPN that they would be able to provide some practical assistance in the form of further encouragement and advice; this is such a sad state of affairs. Maybe the OP is terrified of confiding in some kind of official 'body' because they are worried that they may be judged unfit to raise their child?

Please OP, seek some help from the excellent resources that have been advised to you already, you are now expecting again and you need help and support to find your way out of this dreadful mess

pupsicola

It can take many years for someone to leave an abusive relationship. Something I would have thought ridiculous myself till it happened to me. Looking back now I can clearly see that I should have walked after the first attack. It is impossible to put into words now why I didn't, something I question about myself everyday. An abuser works on destroying your state of mind and then starts phyically abusing you. There is method in this pattern. If they physically hurt you first you are more likely to leave. They control you by reducing you to the emotional state the OP is in and you cant think straight or react quickly. Then they have enough power and control to do what they like. Abuse is all about control.

If like the OP you have been treated like this all your life by family members also, and you have bi-polar it is so, so much harder. She has too much knowledge and her descriptions of things that are said to her I sadly recognise and can really relate to. I doubt very much this is a troll. Just someone who is suffering terribly and really needs help