Stay married or not?

keltar

I really hope someone can give me some advice. I met my husband a year ago; we married in November (yes a whirlwind). I discovered I was pregnant the day before the wedding; we each have 18 year old sons from previous relationships.
We had problems (he went to Gran Canaria alone when I was 7 months pregnant for instance), but I believed it was due to my hormones.
I spent the month before our daughter was born in hospital. We got on great... he got me everything, seemed loving etc. When our daughter was born (by emergency caesarean), he was so good. When we came home he looked after us... he did the washing, the meals etc, I just had to breastfeed, change & look after baby.
My husband had a good car, but was unhappy with it so bought a new one in April. This was also wrong, so he asked me for £1000, then £2,500 for a new one. He bought one from ebay and it is 'ours' (though I can't drive). Then he told me I should start walking to town as others do. He posted on a forum that he 'treated himself' to this car as he liked it (i'd have been happy with a cheaper car).
He doesn't work (he's on incapacity for depression) so money is tight... and my savings are nearly running out (he expects me to buy the food). He claims the child tax credits and benefit as he says we are both responsible for her, yet i buy her nappies, clothes, cot & equipment.
He wants to change her doctor to his (not the same as mine). Gets angry (hasn't hurt me, just pushed me & pulled my hair), broke a light fitting, my hairdryer and threw my laptop. I'm not sure how to take this anymore. Next week he wants to take his son to the other side of the country (costing us over £50 at least in petrol) - yet he won't take our daughter to a hospital appointment - and I PAID for the car... wonder if I can tell him to get his son to get a train!
I'm scared of him & don't have anymore savings left

moneysaver12

To me this sounds like your husband is controlling and pulling hair and pushing you is hurting you, it is a form of violence. He should be using the child benefits for your child. Do you have any friends or family that could help you. You should be able to feel safe in your own home. Is the home in join names? Someone else who has more experience of this will hopefully come along. Wanted to send you hugs.

Fang_3

Let him take his son, and then when he's gone, change the locks, file for divorce and report the car stolen. You have to protect yourself and your daughter from this sponging bully. He's already physically attacked you, don't let him do it again. Have the tax credits and benefits for your daughter paid into your account.

Does your son live with you and does his? Is it your house or his house?

keltar

It's a council house in his name; I gave up my own to live with him, so guess if I left I'd be intentionally homeless as I gave up my own tenancy.

Fang_3

keltar wrote: »

It's a council house in his name; I gave up my own to live with him, so guess if I left I'd be intentionally homeless as I gave up my own tenancy.

Go and speak to the council, you are in an abusive relationship and you have a young baby. They will have to help you.

esmf73

leave him - you're scared of him and he's already beating you up - pulling hair - throwing things. Phone a womens Refuge - yes he may not have beaten you black and blue YET - but if more women got out at the stage you're at, there wouldn't be so many terrified women out there.

If you're at all unsure ask yourself what you would advise your daughter to do if she were in the same position, then do it yourself. x

AlwaysWorking

Hi. Sorry, i have no advice to give, except that you should talk to your friends/family for support. It sounds as though you badly need it. Please don't say he 'just' pushed you or pulled your hair - neither is excusable and you deserve to be treated much better than this. Take care of yourself and your children and do whatever feels right for you.

moneysaver12

I would speak to the council like Fang said and explain to them that you fear for your safety and that your husband has been violent for you. I would have thought that in a situation like yours then they would be required to house you. Who's name is the car in. I think that you need to speak to the benefits office regarding the child benefit and other benefits to see how you can go about getting them in your name.

DCFC79

You dont seem to be in a relationship a mother with young 1 should be in. Its up to you but id ask a couple of friends to help you move when he goes to the other side of the country and find somewhere to stay whether its with friends/family or on your own. Im sure you will make the best decision what ever you do

Pixiechic

Hi,

As you have a young child and you are right to fear him, you must have a stronger position.

Contact the council and advise them of your situation. They will have procedures in place to deal with this.

There are many on here who can give you more advice.

Sorry OP, in answer to your question, no, you should not stay married to a man who abuses you mentally and physically. Who in a rage, destroys your belongings, doesn't contribute financially to the home and is just sponging off you.

Not the right evironment for you or your child (children?).

keltar

Thanks, I will try to get to council and see what they say, problem is he doesn't let me go anywhere without him.