Stay married or not?

Angel777

Hi

The situation sounds unhealthy and unfair on you. Unless it improves now it sounds like things will get no better for you and the future of your baby.

The fact that you are frightened of him is wrong. He should not make you feel like this.

I really hope that things get sorted for you and your baby to be happy again.

Take care.

Diane1961_2

Try to stay out of the detail and planning a perfect solution before you do anything.

If you have an 18 year old child then you are a grown woman who can look after herself. You already know what to do, and you have been given plenty of great advice here.

If you cannot find the strength and support to stand your ground, then RUN don't hide! Leave everything if you must but from a practical perspective you don't have to ,and it's much harder starting from scratch - you know, quilts, cots, beds, pots, pans, etc.

He may be scary but that's just because you're out of practice. The first step is the hardest but you don't have to sort it all out yourself - get help, it's there for you in the most unexpected places.

with love
xxx

euronorris

keltar wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I've spoken to my mum, but it's difficult as he's almost always around. In some ways I can see why he's angry; he used to be house proud, and I'm not the tidiest person. Plus I've nowhere near regained my pre-pregnant figure. I'm breastfeeding & insatiably hungry - he keeps digging at me about buying chocolate, but I can't help eating it when down .

So you're not tidy. So what?! My OH is messy, likes to use a 'floordrobe' instead of putting things away, and can leave dishes in the sink for days as it doesn't both him. It bothers me though. Do I push him, or pull his hair, or spend money that he needs on stuff that I don't need? No. I ask, politely, to pick up his clothes and do the washing.

You've only given birth a short while ago and are still breastfeeding. Of course you're not back to your pre-pregnancy body! Most women never are. Why should that even matter right now, with a new baby? It doesn't, and his love and affection should not be dependant on your size!

This is NOT your fault. This is HIS fault. From the sounds of it (because he also treats his son better than your daughter), I'd say he has an issue with women in general. This is HIS issue and only he can resolve it - IF he wants to. As someone else said above, it doesn't matter what you do, it will never be good enough in his eyes.

Please, get out as soon as you can!

keltar

Thank you all. There are a couple of things which I left out of my original post - partly due to shame, partly because I thought they would complicate things - but I think it is necessary to explain. Shortly after we married things went wrong... his son lived with us, and it became clear that suddenly there was no room for my son & my husband started saying he didn't love me. I'd only just given my keys back & amazingly was able to get them back. The problem was the house was riddled with damp... so I spent time between my parents & husband until the house was fixed (which disgustingly took until the end of May as there was rising damp). Also the house had bad memories as I was raped & throttled there & my son was beaten by a former old friend of the family. I spent a month in hospital before my daughter was born & my husband was lovely then - he brought in stuff, seemed really loving,his son moved out etc. I gave him my cashpoint card for my savings account (only £200 in there) for him to buy me the food I wanted. I still haven't got my card back - but he admitted that he bought a new hoover & some other furniture with the money. While in hospital I arranged for my house to be cleared. I gave back my keys, but still have a week on the tenancy. So I can't be on my husband's tenancy till mine is run out... which of course I am paying full rent for. He was really nice till the keys went back. He is planning on spending £400 on a satnav for the car... he didn't tell me this, I found through finding his password. IT seems he's happy to spend money - our shared money. I really am trapped. I wish there was a way out but now feel I hae burnt my bridges

Kate78

Please seek help.

www.womensaid.org.uk

You can get in touch with your local organisation here. You really need to get out of this situation.