Can't control my jealousy & insecurity

lookingforsun

No one has said about taking my baby - it's my fear.

He went on holiday last year - alone - when I had bad postnatal anxiety... I had a HV visit the day I went, and was crying (as I'm sure even SANE women left holding a 4 month old, whilst their DH went off abroad would). They then started visiting more, telling me to go out, phoning my CPN. My CPN wasn't worried, as he expected me to be upset about it & didn't think it heralded a bout of depression (and it didn't, i was fine on my own after a couple of days & enjoyed my freedom).

I guess just saying you're bipolar gives others the right to judge you, and the minute anyone knows you're bipolar, they attribute EVERY mood change to the illness (like the stupid HV when DH went away)...

Before anyone asks DH went into ovedraft to pay for the trip - so we're still paying for it.

I know it looks confusing, that's how I feel.

When I was a single parent to my son, I used to get a lot of judgements from people, so I guess, especially with having bipolar, that it looks better to outsiders than anything.

And I do love DH - I almost feel ashamed to say that, but I do, and I can't seem to change that. Though I do hate him from time to time

lookingforsun

blue_monkey wrote: »

Interesting. These were my thoughts too. So what is the husband REALLY like?

I don't know. As far as I know his CPN doesn't even know about our DD. I have asked my CPN to tell him, but there is this whole confidentiality rubbish...

LadyMorticia

blue_monkey wrote: »

Interesting. These were my thoughts too. So what is the husband REALLY like?

That's my fear. He sounds extremely controlling and plays on OPs insecurities. Without meaning to sound disrespectful to the OP, he sounds like he is taking her for a ride. If my OH knew that doing something would upset me (the sister and the car thing) then he wouldn't do it. The OPs feelings should come first, being his wife and all.

Bettybigboobs

There is only one word for the husband, and i don't think Martin Lewis will be able to have it printed on his forum....seriously where is the respect in this marriage?
The stress is clearly no good for you, look at the spotting situation today....Wise up and start "living" and not just existing (easier said than done, i DO know) xx

bestpud

Your OH has a serious mental illness and you do not know what it is???

And you strongly suspect he hasn't told his CPN he has a child???

You're kidding, aren't you?? :eek::eek::eek:

I'd be asking why his CPN wouldn't know tbh! Has he not said because his condition and/or history would instigate further investigation?

lookingforsun

bestspud, from what I can gather he feels our baby is not a problem in his life, so not worth mentioning. He had custody of his son, after his divorce & was ill then and obviously his CPN knew that. I read about his serious mental illness, on a form he had to send to IB, and that was written by his CPN as evidence

blue_monkey_2

Oh OP. This is a horrid mess. We can all tell you to leave him but only you have to be strong enough to do that. You might well love him - or think you do, you confess to hating him - but does he love you? I suspect not and so he treats you like crap day on day out.

Do not be a doormat. Find someone to speak to about this.

His actions are not those of a loving husband.

I will say though, there is a reason that he has not told his CPN about his child - maybe it is because they might take the child away from him if he has one. Not you, him. And so he blames you because if anything happens it'll all be your fault. He will tell you this if course.

Can I ask again, has he physically harmed you or your child in the past?

Can I also ask, if he gets carers because you cannot be left on your own (your other post) did he arrange anyone to be with you while he was gone or did he just swan off and leave you on your own?

blue_monkey_2

lookingforsun wrote: »

bestspud, from what I can gather he feels our baby is not a problem in his life, so not worth mentioning. He had custody of his son, after his divorce & was ill then and obviously his CPN knew that. I read about his serious mental illness, on a form he had to send to IB, and that was written by his CPN as evidence

He has told you this? It's tosh, sorry. There has to be a reason he has not told them. What happened to the little boy he had custody of. You used the word had, not have, so I assume that he no longer has custody.

Do you not care or want to know what his issues are?

LadyMorticia

blue_monkey wrote: »

He has told you this? It's tosh, sorry. There has to be a reason he has not told them. What happened to the little boy he had custody of. You used the word had, not have, so I assume that he no longer has custody.

Do you not care or want to know what his issues are?

I agree. Something is just not right. There are some parts of my life that are going okay but I still talk about them with my CPN because he likes to know what's going okay and what's not.

If this were my OH I would want to know what's going on. There are children involved and for their sake I would want to know.

lookingforsun

blue_monkey, thanks. His son is now grown up & away at university. He has never harmed me or our baby, suprisingly he is the most gentle, tender, patient man with her... he is a really good dad - really good, which makes it harder & more confusing.

Nope he never arranged for someone to sit with me.

Yes I would like to know his issues