Can't control my jealousy & insecurity

sjc3

lookingforsun wrote: »

Irrespecive of everything, I still think it makes no sense for her to ask him - at all. My mum did actually not believe me when first told her, as mydad had suggested his mechanic friend to her.So I cannot fathom why she's asked him - a man she gives the clear impression of disliking. He has NO mechanic knowledge, so I just don't get it.

She hasn't asked your husband along so as he can advise her on a car. She has asked him along so she can make a play for him. Why else couldn't her 9 year old accompany her.

The terribly sad aspect of this is I doubt she even fancies him. If he crazily makes an error of judgement and anything happens who is at risk of getting extremely hurt by it? You are, the person she has taken pleasure in upsetting and tormenting your whole life.

She is planning to put you well and truly in your place, babysitting. Whilst she appears like the carefree, easy (more than one way to interpret that one), dolled up alternative.

How clearly have you put it to your husband that you do not wish him to do this? I wouldn't be politely suggesting he doesn't. If I were in your position with my husband he would be getting an ultimatum. If he still went his bags would be by the bins when he got home and locks changed.

Start standing up for yourself and realise you are worth alot more respect than you are currently being shown.

lookingforsun

blue_monkey, my husband has depression & a "serious mental illness", I don't know what, that is all his CPN would say.

My sister didn't turn up. I did ask my mum what had happened, and she said as usual my sister changed her mind.

It then transpired that my mum told my sister my worries (after I told her not to), and I got a text from her saying that I was a selfish b***h, who deserves him to cheat, and that I'm going to drive him away. She also said that while he may fancy her, she doesn't him, so I'd be safe.

As blue_monkey knows, I'm pregnant. Today I've had spotting & some pain, and haven't been up to going out, also worrying about it. So to hear from her that my husband "may fancy" her, just rubbed salt into the wounds.

Interestingly, I've also been wracked with guilt - that I have been unreasonable, that I should have pushed DH out of the door to help her; she's very, very good at making anyone who dares to go against her wishes feel guilty (she once threatened to crash the car with my nephew in, when he was young, because she was *depressed* and needed a night out with the girls to cheer her up, and my parents wouldn't babysit - they soon caved in, as they were worried about their grandson).

msb5262

blue_monkey wrote: »

ETA: I did go for a nose around too and I found this: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3149134 What is wrong with your husband OP? And you said that he took you for a termination on the way to work but he get's IS. i thought you only got IS if you did not work. Am now very confused, have we been trolled??

I'm afraid either we have been trolled or the OP is extremely unstable. If you look at the three threads together, it's hard to come to any other conclusion. I wish the OP luck but this whole situation is making alarm bells ring for me.

MsB

lookingforsun

blue_monkey wrote: »

OMG, I read all of the other post and he sounds like a catch. I hope she waved him off with a smile on her face and then packed and got the hell out while he was gone or has changed the locks.

He sounds like a manipulative bully. OP, you might not think you are suffering from domestic abuse but you are, these pathetic mind games are a way of controlling you and it is not acceptable. You need to have a really good hard think about whether you actually want to be with this man. Don;t stay with him because you feel he is the only one who will love you - he doesn't else he would not treat you this way. As I said before, he neither respects or values your relationship - which does not leave a lot.

I know how hard it is to has your self esteem smashed into the ground, to be told things to make you feel worthless. You think they are lovely because they are, once a week.

I'd say that your husband and sister are pretty much like for like and that is the reason you fell for him, because you have been treated like that all your life by others. He is as nasty as your sister is, sorry if you did not want to hear that, but it is true. You are worth SO much more than this sweetheart and I think that you need to change this cycle of abuse. Because you have always been treated like that you feel that this is 'normal'. It isn't.

ETA: I did go for a nose around too and I found this: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3149134 What is wrong with your husband OP? And you said that he took you for a termination on the way to work but he get's IS. i thought you only got IS if you did not work. Am now very confused, have we been trolled??

He gets IS as a top-up to his incapacity benefit. His CPN found him a part-time voluntary position, as part of therapy (to get him out & socialise as he didn't leave the house). The Jobcentre are aware of this, and are happy about it. He does 2 mornings a week. It just so happens that the day of the Dr's appointment conicided with one of his days, and he came with me, then went to work. In some ways I'd hoped he'd take the day off.

blue_monkey_2

LFS, thanks for being honest. Mainly though, i am shocked that his CPN cannot tell you what his condition is, because there is you and a baby to think about. Is this usual for the wife not to be told?

I'd stuff what your sister says for now, there are other issues quite frankly. However, at least she has shown her true colours and dropped him at a whim too!!

Are you scared to end this relationship in case he/you do something? Are you relying on each other for care in the medical sense? Or are you worried you might not cope on your own and sp stay with him when he treats you like this.

I think I would be finding out what his medical condition is because of his erratic behaviour. Maybe someone else knows about this.

sjc3

Your sister is vicious. She doesn't have the intelligience to persuade or influence people in any other ways than blackmail or manipulation.

It is not uncommon to have spotting and some feelings of pain in early pregnancy. All of your muscles and ligaments will be adjusting to accomodate the baby. I remember being very anxious during my pregnancy with dd when the same happened to me.

I dont know how old you are, but your sister has blighted your life for too long. For your own sanity you have got to cut this crazy bint free. Her behaviour is only damaging to you if you allow it to be. By cutting all communication and relations with her she cannot hurt you anymore.

Please, for the first time in your life most probably, put yourself first hun.

blue_monkey_2

msb5262 wrote: »

I'm afraid either we have been trolled or the OP is extremely unstable. If you look at the three threads together, it's hard to come to any other conclusion. I wish the OP luck but this whole situation is making alarm bells ring for me.

MsB

Hmmm, I am not sure, Id say it was him that was unstable to be honest. The OP has her issues but the hubby does too, one that the CPN will not disclose to her. There MUST be a reason for this. has he ever been aggresive to you OP? If you want help then you need to start talking (and clearing cookies and history as you go would be a good idea too quite frankly).

lookingforsun

OK I'm bipolar. I'm scared that the authorities would think that I could not cope if I was to leave (although I did raise a child alone before & I do most of the childcare & my psychiatrist thinks she is a very well-cared for baby & has no concerns.

He has recorded arguments (without me knowing) and this has scared me.

He also came to the psychiatrist with me & told them how paranoid I am (after finding all the photos of his genitals)... so I worry what he would say.

I also find it hard - he tells me that I'm paranoid (over the photos etc), so I think I am, then when I think about it alone, I think it's weird.

blue_monkey_2

Agree about the spotting, I had a heavy bleed and the doc suggested a hysterectomy when I was actually pregnant. I had a bleed with DS too. It's your body adjusting.

sjc3

RacyRed wrote: »

This is the hubby who decided you are having an abortion, right?

OP's other thread

WHY are you putting so much effort into keeping this pathetic excuse for a human?

OMG I didn't realise it was the same OP. Get shot love he is a !!!!!!