Can't control my jealousy & insecurity

Bambywamby

I agree...hubby is taking the pi55.If he were mine, he would have had the 'genital crunch' by now...saying "no" to his wife indeed...I wouldn't be having any of that.

cheepskate_2

Sorry but your husband is not "soft" or "cant say no". Look at how he is treating you, hes not afraid to be rude and upsetting to you.

This isnt about how your sister is as really she plays no part in it. This is about your husband.

I dont really want to be negative, and if this is not a wind up, then i would say... if nothing is happening at moment, then it will if your sis is a willing partner.

Your husband is taking numerous calls from her, going out for drinks(even tho you have said you are upset) and now really pushing you out by not wanting you to go.

Your sis may only be playing games with your head, then again who knows, but get your husband sorted as he is the one disrespecting you at the moment.

lookingforsun

viktory wrote: »

I feel sorry for your sister - sounds like she has been hated by both her mother and sister for her entire life. In order to validate herself and her life she looks for attention where she can get it - from men.

Tell your husband how you feel and ask that he doesn't spend any time alone with your sister if it will make you feel better. Personally, I think you should have some trust in your husband and deal with your own issues.

Err... I've never been nasty or disrespectful to my sister. I'm the FIRST person she phones when she has a problem. I looked after her son for years so she could go and party...

She HAS NOT been hated for me.

You really lack any common sense if you can't see I'm ranting on here, and can say it how it is, now how I treat her - which you can't possibly know

Abbafan1972

I have only skimmed over this thread and your sister sounds awful (very tame coming from me, but my 7 year old is watching me type).

Why did you agree to babysit her son? I would have refused point blank. Or if she's quite the persistent type, I would just go out at the time she's supposed to bring son round, or just not turn up if you're sitting at her house.

SandC

He is acting very similar to that of someone who has done the dirty or dumped someone. Projecting his own bad behaviour on to you by calling you controlling. Don't get into a trap of putting up with this kind of crap because that is him trying to control you.

I'm not saying in any way that anything is going on there but she's obviously a manipulative little shrew and in spite of whatever has happened before, it's clearly working on him now.

I totally agree, take yourself and your little un out somewhere.

*Louise*

I'm sorry, I have tried to think the best of your husband and see him as being stuck between a 'rock and a hard place' for want of a better phrase - but now you have posted this:

lookingforsun wrote: »

So I bit the bullet & asked him what time the car viewing was. He asked me why, and I replied "so I can make sure DD & I are ready to come then). He just looked at me and said that he thought I was looking after nephew, I said no, that I thought it'd be good to come too.

He then said to me that I was crowding him, that obviously I don't trust him to be alone with another female, or like it when he gets attention, or another woman wants his help. He told me that my sister asked him, and it has nothing to do with me, it's between him & her, and I'm being stifling.

So I don't know what to do.

Sorry - but he is loving this!! And encouraging it :mad:

He is trying to turn the situation back on you and make out it's your fault - a standard reaction from a person who wants to get his own way. (and it's now obvious just how much he doesn't want you there):(

You know what you need to do - it's ultimatum time. I cannot believe he is honestly going out car hunting and for drinks with your sister when you have explained your situation and feelings to him.

From the other stuff you wrote about your sisters ex asking you out - you are right, I think she is out for payback. She doesn't want your OH, but she wants to ruin things for you.

Omg I am so annoyed on your behalf!!:mad:

Btw - incidentally,....who's idea was it that you babysit sisters DS while they went out?? Did she ask you, did OH or was it just 'assumed'?

ailuro2

Do not give your sister prior warning that you're going to be out tomorrow or she will arrange another babysitter.

Leave the house just before she arrives, tell DH you'd forgotten but you've an appointment to have a smear test done, or something similar that he would not be invited to.:p

Tell him it will only take an hour or so and you'll see him at teatime once he's been to view the car.



I have been reading more on narcissism, I hadn't realised there was a name for the way MY sister behaves - it's very interesting as I knew she was "needy" for attention, but didn't know it was a condition.:o It does explain a lot.

euronorris

January20 wrote: »

I think the advice of taking yourself and your DD out for the day and be unavailable for babysitting duty is a good one. You should follow it. You have little other choice since your DH will not have you there and will not say no to your sister.

Then find a problem that one of his friends could help you with and tell him you are going to ask for this friend's help. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Be as single-minded about it as he has been with you.

He is a very silly man to do this to you.

I would also be asking why he finds it stifling to take OP & their child along? And, (in the OP's shoes) if he quotes the 'you don't trust me with her' line, I would make it clear that I do trust him, but I want to send a clear message to my sister that she will not be digging her claws into my OH, nor will I be babysitting for her.

If he can't understand that, then he can go alone, but make it clear that you will be upset with him and you will be taking yourself and your son out anyway as you will not be her babysitter (as suggested above).

Edit: Screw that. Seeing as he's ignore your feelings on this subject, you have every right to ignore his and insist on joining them anyway. He can say no all he likes, but he can't stop you. When he complains that you aren't taking his feelings into consideration, you can point out that he didn't take yours into consideration either. It works both ways after all!

Emmzi

go out to playpark with your child, all day.

A fancy bit with an annoying child is annoying and cannot go to the pub. And not so fancy. Let him see the reality.

MrsWoolfe

I totally agree with others- go out and enjoy the lovely day they are predicting and do something lovely with your little one.

Why the hell should you be sitting indoors looking after her kid waiting for them to get back???:mad:

If I were you I'd be very tempted to say nothing to OH or Her just go out- go for a wander round the shops/ coffee with a friend and stay out as long as I could- if he got P****d I'd be telling him to stop trying to control me or stifle me!...but then you sound much nicer than me:D I'd don't think I could have let her stay in my life as long as you have.

I have a relative a bit like this- she was married to my godbrother (aka big brother/uncle even though there is no blood tie) she used to stir things between all of the parents when we were kids flirting with husbands dancing suggestively- I'm not sure I ever saw my uncle R so freaked out as when she tried to dance with him at a family do- he was leaning so far back he almost fell over:D

They split and she got 10x worse and actually had an affair with my friend's dad...it all got ugly ppl knew but no one said anything and eventually the married couple sorted through things and over the years ppl distanced themselves...I actually find her kinda sad but funny in a way now, she's been left very lonely apart from the latest BF...but she only has herself to thank for that!

I did find it really funny when I brought my DH home to meet the family she "popped in" to drop her son to spend the day with us- it was 2pm she turned up in a skintight back lacy dress, boobs just about inside the dress and 6inch stillettos and FULL FULL make-up- was a bit odd as we were all in t-shirts and jeans and sitting around in the garden she then spent 30mins leaning over DH and purring at him funniest thing I've seen in ages!:rotfl:

Will admit being soft and inviting her to my wedding was a silly thing to do though, felt bad having her son there and not her...silly me she nearly started WW3 deciding to flirt badly (not so subtly inching down her dress) with both her ex-H and the guy she had the affair with- there was nearly some alternative entertainment for the reception!

I did lose it eventually and chucked her out myself when I found her cornering the friend who's Dad she'd been with insisting on telling her ALL about it drunkely insisting that she needed to confess it all to her- poor girl was in floods of tears ( i don't think she knew back then)....

Ah well they don't change- but we can see her for the joke she is- teach your OH you won't be treated like that- he's trying to get a reaction from you IMO treat him like the child he's behaving as - don't reward bad behaviour by getting upset and asking him to stop- ignore him, you've said your piece now.

So tomorrow, get up and get the things you need for the day ready, get yourself ready and just as you are going the leave- shout out good bye and you'll see him later- then go and have an awesome day.

Come home- tell him you had a lovely day in park/zoo/friends etc and how much LO enjoyed it/how well they behaved....

you will freak him and leaving him wondering what the hell just happened- when he'll be expecting a sulk/row/to be the one in control...

Good Luck!!!

MrsW