Can't control my jealousy & insecurity

jayII

I think he may just have said yes without thinking and is now backed into a corner. If he goes he makes you unhappy, if he backs out, he loses face. It seems that losing face is the lesser of two evils for him. It shouldn't be. He should be more worried about upsetting you.

You need to develop a bit of self confidence and tell him, in no uncertain terms that you will not be happy with him if he goes, and you will stay mad or unhappy for a while afterwards. Don't 'forbid' him, just make your feelings very very clear.

You are his life partner and she is not a good mate or other important friend of his. He seriously needs to get his priorities straight, and you need to be clear about what you will and won't tolerate. I wouldn't argue, just state your position, leave it there, and let him decide what to do with it.

lookingforsun

Thanks - that is exactly what I will do. I do understand the others points of views - saying I should let them go & look at the car - but NO! It is not a reasonable request. My husband is a relative stranger to my sister - the ONLY time they've been in the same house was on my birthday - in two whole years... even then he stayed in another room, and she decided to go and find him. She may as well ask a man she's chatted to a few times in a shop!

I'm even more surprised as she told me her friend (who used to work in the same building) thought he was "weird" and my sister loved to share this gossip with everyone.

She also doesn't like where we live, as it's in an estate in town; whereas she lives in a house in the country. When the solicitor told her she'd have to consider moving to the town when her divorce is finalised (she can't afford a mortgage) she claimed she'd live in a field rather than some dump where I live!

She tried to get me to move out of my husband's house - telling me that my marriage would fail, turning my parents against my husband.

She is no friend of his, nor he of her. It is a ridiculous presumption that he should p*** on her if she were on fire, let alone accompany her on a car-hunting jaunt.

DH didn't agree on the spot - he told her he thought he'd be too busy. She kept on. She phoned him, while I was in bed at night.

When she was married I used to ask her to ask her hubby to fix my computer (I asked HER not HIM), yet she always said he was too busy, so I'm really annoyed at her for this.

If I contacted a friend of his for some advice I know he would go mad, so I can't understand this

jayII

He's just being a stubborn mule and your sister probably knows how to press the right buttons, or twist the conversation in the right way to get her way.

If you stay calm but firm, he won't have any grounds for saying you're being unreasonable or fussy. If he still doesn't get it, you could always suggest you ask his mate xxx for help with something and ask him why that is different, when he reacts as you predict.

I wouldn't worry about understanding his behaviour, he's just being an idiot, and maybe isn't used to you putting your foot down?

I hope things settle down and you manage to cut your nightmare of a sister out of your life!

littleminx_2

I would simply tell him if he decides to go then he need not bother coming back!

He is showing a total lack of respect for you as he knows damn well how you feel and yet he's still going with her, and as for her ringing him late at night while you are in bed !!!!!!!

She sounds like she needs a seriously good slapping!

JC9297

sjc3 wrote: »

Toned at that age and that weight - I dont think so :rotfl::rotfl:

Not unless she wraps herself up like a freezer ready chicken in tight clingfilm.

Next time you speak to her could you find out where she buys her "hold it all in undies" please?

It is perfectly possible to be toned at 40 if you're not overweight, but not at that weight whatever your age.

ska_lover

I agree with the poster above - little minx - I would slam down hard on this and nip it in the bud now, as if he goes, it will just be the start of things to come! She will be calling on him for all sorts of help.

Sounds like your sister is making a play for your man. Whether she really wants him, or is trying to wind you up, is a different question.

You are well within your rights to put a stop to this. If it was me - I would tell him he is NOT to go. And if it was a problem with him, I would be really worried as to why is he so bothered.

Some sisters can be complete cows, especially first born eldest ones as they are lead to believe that they are something special. They never ever grow out of it. You can pick your friends but you not your family.

lookingforsun

Just been speaking to my mum about this, and she agrees that my sister asks & expects everybody to do her bidding. She thinks that DH will go as he is flattered - which she thinks is nice, but I shouldn't worry as sister wouldn't be after him - ever - as he's not good-looking enough for her. Now I'm even more upset, so he's flattered that my sister wants his advice, but he's not good enough for her - if he was she could have him???

*Louise*

....There is no way on this earth I would sit at home babysitting a womans son while my husband went out for drinks with said woman whom I suspected was after him (sister or no sister!)

At first I thought you were a little ureasonable not 'letting' him go and help her with a car but the more I have read, I have come to understand your position on this. Expecially since her son isn't going with them. Car dealerships don't stay open all that late, there's no reason why he couldn't go with them.

I think you are right for the alarm bells to go off, she sounds like a total maneater, she doesn't want him but flirts just because she can. (And to probably try and ruin things for you)

I have 2 sisters, and not one of us contacts the others partners directly if we were asking for help with something - it is all done through the siblings.

OP - when is this supposed to be happening? Just tryng to work out how much time you have to make him see sense.

Tbh if it were me - I would phone directly and state to the sister that OH was busy that night and wouldn't be helping car hunt so she should ask Dad for assistance. Part of your OH's resistance 'could' also be that he is embarrassed to contact her himself and cancel. (Not that that is okay but just looking from another angle)

I hope you get it sorted out x

justmel

I hadn't realised that she had called him at night whilst you were asleep or that she is expecting you to look after her child and that there are plans to go for a drink after!

You can't stop him from going (although the more i read the more confused i am as to why he isn't looking for a way to get out of it!) but you don't have to babysit,personally i would be telling him that he needs to be thinking of your feelings and stuff what she wants but if he still insists on going take yourself and your LO out for the day and make yourself completely unavailable for baby sitting duties.

If he protests remind him that he cannot control you either and never mind what she thinks about it,she hardly deserves any consideration given the way she is acting.

I was thinking that he may be feeling nagged into by her because you say that he did try to say he would be too busy at first,i would suggest to him that one of you calls her and tells her that he wont be able to help after all as you have made last minute plans for the day as a family,that would give him a way out of it if it's about losing face.

She really is taking the pee here and in your situation yes i would be upset with my husband for allowing it.

BrandNewDay

There is so much crazy, dysfunctional behaviour in this family, going straight back to childhood when daddy ignored one child to favour another, and the mother complained about her own jealousy to her child... I don't even know where to begin.

What I think you need to do is think very seriously about completely cutting your sister out of your life. I think you should focus on that. I agree that your husband is being a selfish jerk, but I think you should just tackle your sister at this point. Start with refusing to babysit. If the child is brought to your house, put your baby in the pram and walk straight out the door, making it clear that you will not be responsible for watching her child.

Focus on cutting your sister out of your life and make it clear to your husband and parents that you will have nothing to do with her.

You sister has some sort of personality disorder. I can't keep them all straight, but this sounds like it may be narcissism or Borderline PD. There are message boards to support people who have the misfortune of being related to such toxic people.