Can't control my jealousy & insecurity

ailuro2

I had a sister like that... spot the past tense....

She was always the one who thought she was better looking, outwardly she wass more confident than me, she ended up married to a guy I'd gone out with for 18 months, a few weeks after we split up they got together. hurtful when you're only 17 but too naive to know that the bloke would have been flattered by her attentions.

She ended up having three kids with him, but that didn't stop her flashing her furry bits at my DH:eek: He didn't tell me at the time but would sometimes be in a hurry to leave their house.

We fell out over something her kid did, I tried to give her some advice and she has ignored me ever since ( she was a single Mum by then and making the same mistakes over and over so I eventually had to tell her it was really bad for the kids to behave as she did)

In all the years she has been ignoring me life has been so peaceful.. she only lives down the road from us so was always popping in and chatting even though she'd been told DH was on nights and would be sleeping, or the kids would turn up and ask to borrow money for food while we were sitting having our dinner. Life is much better without my toxic sister... she was always putting me down and criticising me, playing stupid mind games.

She's not well mentally, hasn't been since we were very young, she did all sorts to seek attention -stealing from the shops on a daily basis, faking fainting to get a hospital stay - claiming to have done a home-made abortion:eek: I do feel sorry for her kids, but she was dragging me down, it's so nice to live life without all that drama.:D


Now as for your DH going to view the car with your toxic sister, Id tell him you're really not feeling happy about it, and can he please not go, and also that you also need to arrange a romantic night out for just you and him now the baby is getting bigger. ( How old is the baby? did I miss that bit?)

As for your mother - where do you think this attention seeking trait came from in your sister? - "my husband pays more attention to my kids than me" She has been trained from an early age to be toxic.

I had a toxic mother too, don't speak to her anymore either, I'd had enough of the guilt trips, the "you could have done so much better" comments, the "you're a hard hearted !!!!!" comments.....

Some people say blood is thicker than water, and it should be true, which is why I put up with them all those years. I have my own family now, and it is full of love, security, laughter, none of the hysteria that surrounded me when I was growing up. I feel so much better for NOT having all my family around me. Yes, I'd love to have my a family again, but the price is not worth paying.

one last thing - have you thought about putting your sister's name in for How to look good naked -at least she'll get some free magic knickers out of it - it sounds like she needs them!! ( me-ow)

bestpud

I don't understand why she can't take her son along...?

It wouldn't occur to me that I'd need a babysitter for my 9 year old dd - I'd just take her along.

Assuming you are going in your OHs car and it has five seats - why can't you and the baby go along too?

How about suggesting you go for a meal afterwards, and perhaps invite your parents to join you at the pub?

Other than that, you can forbid him to go, but be careful what you say in case he calls your bluff! You don't really want to split up over something like this, do you?

And I have to say, even knowing the background, you behaved just as badly as her by ignoring your OH all evening because SHE made a comment about you!

Are you sure you aren't as sulky and childish, but maybe in a different way? :cool:

ETA: have you considered counselling to help you over this? You can't change your sister but you can change how you respond to her. Maybe that's worth thinking about as the family dynamic here will mean you do
encourage her, whether or not you are aware of it.

Sambucus_Nigra

Sorry....I missed the bit when he explained his reasons for changing his mind to you.

Can't you all go out for a [insert something appropriate - walk in the park/slap up meal/etc] an hour before she is due and when she calls to rant just tell her that she is a washed up old slapper and nobody cares anymore?

ellas9602

BrandNewDay wrote: »

this sounds like it may be narcissism or Borderline PD. There are message boards to support people who have the misfortune of being related to such toxic people.

I was just going to say the same when i spotted this. OP read up about NPD and BPD it may help you to understand whats happening.
Good luck x

misgrace

Did you ask your OH why he agreed when he knows how you feel about her, perhaps say to him if it was the other way round 'how would you feel'
If he has got himself deep into where he cant say no, maybe compromise and say, ok will come with you to have a look at the care, but am not going for drink, its not fair on the wife stuck at home with the kids.

When is this meant to be happening?

Sambucus_Nigra

bestpud wrote: »

It wouldn't occur to me that I'd need a babysitter for my 9 year old dd - I'd just take her along.

That I am afraid, is the crux of the matter...it's all part of the psychological games that the OP's sister is playing. Oh, I can't look after my own child as all my attentions will be on your DH; and all his attentions will be on me



This will continue forever if the OP doesn't tell her to put her drooping baps away and starts batting back the insults with well rehearsed retorts.

I'm sure we could come up with a page full if asked.

lookingforsun

bestpud wrote: »

I don't understand why she can't take her son along...?

It wouldn't occur to me that I'd need a babysitter for my 9 year old dd - I'd just take her along.

Assuming you are going in your OHs car and it has five seats - why can't you and the baby go along too?

How about suggesting you go for a meal afterwards, and perhaps invite your parents to join you at the pub?

Other than that, you can forbid him to go, but be careful what you say in case he calls your bluff! You don't really want to split up over something like this, do you?



And I have to say, even knowing the background, you behaved just as badly as her by ignoring your OH all evening because SHE made a comment about you!

Are you sure you aren't as sulky and childish, but maybe in a different way? :cool:

ETA: have you considered counselling to help you over this? You can't change your sister but you can change how you respond to her. Maybe that's worth thinking about as the family dynamic here will mean you do
encourage her, whether or not you are aware of it.

Yes I did behave quite badly - I was shocked by what she had said, and the fact that she had followed DH into another room & spent the rest of the night talking to him, whilst I was stuck in another room with my family.

I don't really want to go out for a meal with her.

I'm being childish - I hold my hands up and admit this. I was a single parent for 18 years, desperate for company & not ONCE did my sister ask me to go out for a meal with her and her DH. Not once. I did however have my single mother status exploited & she was forever leaving her son with me, whilst she partied (and even when she was s***ing the man up the road).

So I'm still bitter for that I'm afraid - and I know it's wrong.

Irrespecive of everything, I still think it makes no sense for her to ask him - at all. My mum did actually not believe me when first told her, as mydad had suggested his mechanic friend to her.So I cannot fathom why she's asked him - a man she gives the clear impression of disliking. He has NO mechanic knowledge, so I just don't get it.

I don't want to go, and maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I don't want her to get her way here. All my life I've lived in her shadows (one ex even suggested a threesome with her & phoned her to ask her out on a date with us :eek:, I've never really recovered from the rejection I felt then). There is a lot of sibling rivalry & I would like my man to be mine (I know that sounds pathetic). All her men have been 'hers' IYSWIM. Don't get me wrong DH is still friends, and helps out a female friend he ahd a relationship with... but my sister is NOT his friend and I don't want them to be, I'm sick of her coming first. I do feel that she should have asked me if I minded her asking him, and I can't understand WHY she's not taking dad's mechanic friend.

It does make me feel uncomfortable. I hardly speak to my sister anymore (haven't since the beginning of Feb, at my birthday) yet here she is phoning DH at least once - usually more - a day

lookingforsun

misgrace wrote: »

Did you ask your OH why he agreed when he knows how you feel about her, perhaps say to him if it was the other way round 'how would you feel'
If he has got himself deep into where he cant say no, maybe compromise and say, ok will come with you to have a look at the care, but am not going for drink, its not fair on the wife stuck at home with the kids.

When is this meant to be happening?

Tomorrow - she finally got him to agree yesterday. She first asked him, on the phone, while I was in bed, on Wednesday

Sambucus_Nigra

lookingforsun wrote: »

Yes I did behave quite badly - I was shocked by what she had said, and the fact that she had followed DH into another room & spent the rest of the night talking to him, whilst I was stuck in another room with my family.

I don't really want to go out for a meal with her.

I'm being childish - I hold my hands up and admit this. I was a single parent for 18 years, desperate for company & not ONCE did my sister ask me to go out for a meal with her and her DH. Not once. I did however have my single mother status exploited & she was forever leaving her son with me, whilst she partied (and even when she was s***ing the man up the road).

So I'm still bitter for that I'm afraid - and I know it's wrong.

Irrespecive of everything, I still think it makes no sense for her to ask him - at all. My mum did actually not believe me when first told her, as mydad had suggested his mechanic friend to her.So I cannot fathom why she's asked him - a man she gives the clear impression of disliking. He has NO mechanic knowledge, so I just don't get it.

I don't want to go, and maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I don't want her to get her way here. All my life I've lived in her shadows (one ex even suggested a threesome with her & phoned her to ask her out on a date with us :eek:, I've never really recovered from the rejection I felt then). There is a lot of sibling rivalry & I would like my man to be mine (I know that sounds pathetic). All her men have been 'hers' IYSWIM. Don't get me wrong DH is still friends, and helps out a female friend he ahd a relationship with... but my sister is NOT his friend and I don't want them to be, I'm sick of her coming first. I do feel that she should have asked me if I minded her asking him, and I can't understand WHY she's not taking dad's mechanic friend.

It does make me feel uncomfortable. I hardly speak to my sister anymore (haven't since the beginning of Feb, at my birthday) yet here she is phoning DH at least once - usually more - a day

Calling him more than once a day?

!!!!!! woman - you need to:

a - ask him what the !!!! he is up to - and no he will not be going or it will be the last thing he does

b - tell her to back off butler and NOW. And yes, you are DEADLY serious.

*Louise*

lookingforsun wrote: »

It does make me feel uncomfortable. I hardly speak to my sister anymore (haven't since the beginning of Feb, at my birthday) yet here she is phoning DH at least once - usually more - a day

Sorry, that is waaay OTT on her part. What the heck is she phoning him about? And WHY is he answering/chatting to her? No wonder you have alarm bells going off

I would a) get her calls blocked or b) get his number changed.

He is obviously too nice/soft/flattered to be able to tell her to naff off. :mad: