Can't control my jealousy & insecurity

Plans_all_plans

lookingforsun wrote: »

I can't go, as she is going to drop off her 10yr old son with me to look after (along with our baby)....so she says they can go for a drink after - this is another reason I'm really p***ed off, I haven't been out for a drink with DH since DD was born

Well I wouldn't have that myself: you and your husband should have a night out.

I'd be saying to my husband that I'd like to go for a drink with him after they've gone to look at cars. I'd be saying that she could come back then and babysit the kids for you two, given that your husband's doing her a favour by going to look at cars.

If my husband started saying he wanted to go for a drink with her then I'd kick off to be honest. You have the patience of a saint, she would have got a good slap off me long ago!

ovoreo

I wonder if he thinks he's trying to help [misguided of course!] ie. that if he helps her, it may in some way start to rebuild your relationship. This all does sound rather odd, you get to babysit whilst the two of them get to go out for a drink and see a car she wants to buy. I think you've got to speak to your OH again. Could you make alternative plans so your unable to look after her son? I would have thought 10 year old boys like cars, so surely they can all go together? Just minus the drink after, that is unnecessary.

ovoreo

^^^ I like the above advice! As OH has done the favour, she can come back to babysit whilst you and OH go for the drink, what a lovely way to say thank you.

lookingforsun

ovoreo wrote: »

I wonder if he thinks he's trying to help [misguided of course!] ie. that if he helps her, it may in some way start to rebuild your relationship. This all does sound rather odd, you get to babysit whilst the two of them get to go out for a drink and see a car she wants to buy. I think you've got to speak to your OH again. Could you make alternative plans so your unable to look after her son? I would have thought 10 year old boys like cars, so surely they can all go together? Just minus the drink after, that is unnecessary.

It's a possibility - but I don't want him to go with her - her son being there or not... he doesn't need to, i just feel like not talking to either of them

Nimeth

You have total empathy from me, as I have a family member who is very similar (OH's sister). I hate being around the family when she's about as OH and I are always shunted to one side while his parents fall all over themselves to make sure darling daughter and her two brats have every need taken care of. They also talk over us if we open our mouths among other things, so yeah, totally know where you're coming from.

You have been patient with all of this, not losing your rag so far, so I wouldn't say you have a problem controlling jealousy. She's the one who is jealous and it sounds like she's out to see if she can break down your marriage just for the fun of it (Seriously, what kind of people get their kicks out of ruining happy families out of spite/pettiness?).

Do sit down with your OH and calmly explain to him that you'd prefer him not to go help our your sister, that it's not about controlling him, you have lifelong experience in distrust of her and she shouldn't get the opportunity to try her tricks out on him. She doesn't fancy him, he shouldn't be flattered as it sounds like she's just using him to have a dig at you. I'm sure he would not like the thought of being used to hurt someone he loves.

Put your foot down if you have to I say. It took me ages to get OH to say no to doing all and sundry for his sister, I'm sure she hates me for that, but she can go stick it as far as I'm concerned.:D In the meantime, you are NOT a doormat! Tell your OH that you'd prefer to go out to the pub with him, so the two of you can spend some time together.

Like plans_all_plans, if she was my sister I'd have kicked her !!! to the kerb a long time ago with instructions to go swivel.

lookingforsun

ovoreo wrote: »

^^^ I like the above advice! As OH has done the favour, she can come back to babysit whilst you and OH go for the drink, what a lovely way to say thank you.

Won't work, she won't do it... I know her. She thinks others are there to help her, and if he helps her it'll prove it.

To be honest she should have ASKED ME if I minded if she asked him to come, but she doesn't - this will just get worse if he goes

suited-aces

Say something to your OH along the lines of "if you're doing her a favour, make sure she does one for us in return, by looking after the little un". And make it perfectly what you have in mind for taking advantage of coming back to the free house!

balletshoes

lookingforsun wrote: »

Won't work, she won't do it... I know her. She thinks others are there to help her, and if he helps her it'll prove it.

To be honest she should have ASKED ME if I minded if she asked him to come, but she doesn't - this will just get worse if he goes

If he goes it will be because, even after you've explained the relationship you have with your sister, he wants to go anyway. No-one will be forcing him to go, it'll be because, for whatever reason, he wants to. And I really think thats very disrespectful of you and your family together. It won't be your sister to blame, it will be your OH.

Gigglepig

She sounds very annoying and also like a quite sad person. Have you asked your sister what is bothering her; why she is so attention seeking?

January20

Balletshoes I agree with you. I don't understand why, if he knows the whole story and the OP's feelings, he still not only wants to go and help the sister, but to add insult to injury, go out for a drink with afterwards, when he hasn't done so with his partner for a while.

Perhaps, he is enjoying the control he has over the OP's emotions? Perhaps he thinks the OP's sister fancies him and he likes to be wanted by 2 women? Perhaps he thinks it's a little game he is enjoying? Who knows? I would feel so betrayed!

He is showing so little respect and understanding for his partner and her feelings! When the sister has chewed him and spat him out, he might feel more humble and remorseful?