Can't control my jealousy & insecurity

poorly_scammo

What's with all this 'crowding him' stuff? You're his wife!

Obviously, we've only heard your side of the story and I dearly hope I'm barking up the wrong tree here, but what exactly is going on between them? I'd have raised hell by now and I don't think I'd bother having contact with her.

Bennifred

I'd be mighty tempted to leave the house (without baby and without saying anything) about 30 mins before sis is expected, and not come back for a while - consideration goes both ways - so that they either have to take both children with them, or they don't go.

Alternatively, I'd coolly wave them off, get on the phone to one of OH's mates and ask him out for a drink on another night (you want to ask his advice about something). What's sauce for the goose....Make sure OH hears you on the phone confirming the arrangement. Make sure you get dressed up when you go. And if OH objects, you just cheerfully repeat back to him what he said to you about trust, crowding, etc. Some people only learn the hard way!

Craftyscholar

MrsWoolfe wrote: »

I totally agree with others- go out and enjoy the lovely day they are predicting and do something lovely with your little one.

If I were you I'd be very tempted to say nothing to OH or Her just go out- go for a wander round the shops/ coffee with a friend and stay out as long as I could- if he got P****d I'd be telling him to stop trying to control me or stifle me!...but then you sound much nicer than me:D I'd don't think I could have let her stay in my life as long as you have.
I did lose it eventually and chucked her out myself when I found her cornering the friend who's Dad she'd been with insisting on telling her ALL about it drunkely insisting that she needed to confess it all to her- poor girl was in floods of tears ( i don't think she knew back then)....

So tomorrow, get up and get the things you need for the day ready, get yourself ready and just as you are going the leave- shout out good bye and you'll see him later- then go and have an awesome day.

Come home- tell him you had a lovely day in park/zoo/friends etc and how much LO enjoyed it/how well they behaved....

you will freak him and leaving him wondering what the hell just happened- when he'll be expecting a sulk/row/to be the one in control...

Good Luck!!!

MrsW

Brilliant suggestions :T

And afterwards, don't sulk or moan (much as you would be entitled) Smile sweetly and ask about the car hunt - what was she looking for? did they find a good one? hope he was able to advise her?

At some point in the future sit him down and ask him - calmly -to explain why he wanted to do something which he knew would hurt you.

kafkathecat

Your husband is showing you no respect. Whatever happens tomorrow that is the biggest problem here for me.

blue_monkey_2

OP, I'd be telling that you have asked him nicely now I am saying you are not going. And if he does not like it then tough. If he starts about crowding him tell him that if he goes then he will NOT be sharing your bed tonight if he cannot show you any respect. Likewise the phonecalls end now. Ask him why he is going when he knows nothing about cars anyway.

And if he goes, then blank him for as long as possible, no meals, no cooking, no washing etc, putting anything away after him, chuck it in a box somewhere and leave it to pile up, no taking him anywhere etc... just look after yourself and the baby. He will then know not to disrespect you in that way again. I've done it before.

He clearly does not give a monkeys which is why he spent so long talking to her at the party so it's time to get tough girl, you let him get away with that. For as long as he is speaking to her he can sleep on the sofa.

But if has such little respect for you that he cannot see what he is doing then he does not deserve you anyway.

Let's be honest, if he is going to do it, he'll do it, no matter how nice you are being to him. Don't be a doormat.

And when he asks where his food is ask him why he is trying to control you as he can clearly do things for himself.

*Louise*

blue_monkey - wow, if I was your hubby I would be totally scared to cross you!!:T:rotfl:

skint_flint_2

opps sorry wrong forum to post in

meritaten

I am not gettin my head around this thread since so much info has been given us. I get that Sis is a Maneater of major proportions (despite being old and saggy), OH knows she is jealous and suspicious, mum stirs the pot, her OH is determined to go to this rendevous come hell or high water! TBH I am totally confused! Does this family thrive on HIGH DRAMA? everyone involved sounds a bit unstable to me - so I will bow out.

A_Phoenix_of_Tangerine

I'd ask him again in the morning not to go, and tell him how his loyalties should lie with you, and how completely inappropriate his actions are given your history with your sister. If he throws it back at you, tell him you've every reason to feel suspicious with the way he is acting. You should NOT allow him to try and make out that you are being the unreasonable one here; it sounds like he is being as manipulative as your sister, softness / ignorance is simply not an excuse considering he is fully aware of your feelings and her past behaviour.

If he is that intent on going, then he doesn't sound like a man you can trust right now, to be honest. And yes, you could phone one of his friends / do the same to him, but surely that could just give him the excuse that he may be after to just continue with this behaviour / seeing your sister? It sounds as though it would just have the potential to cause a greater rift in your marriage, to be honest.

What I do suggest: If he is still adamant on going, then I think I would probably 'allow' him to go (whilst making it clear that you're still not happy about it), on the proviso that he takes your baby along for the day too, so that you can go off and enjoy YOUR day too, spending it doing something that you're not usually able to do due to you always taking your commitments as a wife / mother SERIOUSLY (film at the cinema / play at the theatre, drink / meal with friends, clothes shopping, getting your hair done, seeing your folks, etc)...

It seems like a worthy compromise, to me, and may very possibly throw a hefty spanner in the works as far as your OH / Sis are concerned (their newfound appeal for each other may fade considerably when the excitement of having a trip that has been 'forbidden' by the wife, has been taken away by you allowing it; all the more so if there is a hungry / crying baby, with dirty nappies thrown into the equation)

I've a hunch that your husband would soon seem far less of a catch if he always had a baby in tow (well, she hardly seems to care about her OWN, let alone anyone elses!), plus no free babysitting from you either, and no satisfaction from seeing your frustration if you've used the opportunity to go and do something fun for yourself! Likewise, I'm sure your OH would stop taking you for granted, and perhaps make the effort to arrange to start taking YOU out once he sees how much fun you are capable of having without him, whilst he's looking after baby and spending his misgiven time having to flatter that disgusting old trollop :cool:

Good luck, keep your cool, you are not a victim; you are in control. x

Bettybigboobs

Not read all the replies, but to be honest i'm more worried about the husband than the sister! Just what IS going on there??