Can't control my jealousy & insecurity

lookingforsun

I know that all the responses I get, will be to tell me how stupid & selfish I'm being, I know this, I've been told this all my life, but it doesn't stop how I feel.

Ever since we were kids, my sister & I have had tremendous sibling rivalry (there is just a year between us). She was always daddy's girl, and my earliest memories are of me, phoning my nan in tears, because daddy wouldn't play with me (my mum had my baby brother by then).

My mum made matters worse, by telling me that my sister, was my dad's favourite & came even before her in my dad's affections (leading me to believe that wifes were no longer loved when a daughter was born), so my mum was jealous of my sister too.

My sister has always tried to 'charm' men. When I was pregnant with my son (a long time ago), she came downstairs in her underwear & asked my ex if he thought she had a good body, (she used to do this to friends of my parents much to their wives anger). She also thinks it's funny when most of her friend's husbands have said they fancied her (why they didn't kick their men for this I don't know).

I've always been insecure around her, and once met this gorgeous man, who she flirted with & was amazed when he fancied me, not her (I've had a few who've liked me not her). Some of my exes she now says confessed they fancied her along

My sister is getting divorced from her husband (he cheated; she cheated), and she gets a lot of sympathy from everyone (even though they separated 5 years ago). She manages to get my dad's builders to come over to hers to help her (they all fancy her of course), and basically everyone does everything to help when she wants it.

I got married 2 years ago. On the day of the wedding she pleaded with me not to marry, then she tried to make us late (luckily my dad told her to get lost), then she turned up wearing jeans :eek:

She hated DH & he her, and I was happy to keep them separate.

Two months ago it was my birthday, she came round & we were talking about weight (I've got a 9 month old). It transpired I weighed less than her - to which she replied "well I'm more toned than you, I could understand my husband having an affair if I looked like you"... She then went and 'flirted' with DH & I didn't talk to him for the rest of the night.

Anyway, she is now buying a new car, and has started ringing him all the time, asking for help. She's now asked him to go & look at one with her & he's agreed... I'm absolutely distraught over this. Not once did she 'allow' any of her men (including her DH) to help any of us out, yet she assumes my DH is there to help her.

I know I'm going to be called selfish - but she has so many male friends (mostly married) that she could ask... & I DON'T think it's good that she wants to be friendly with him...

I don't know what to do, I feel like a kid again. I know she'll dress up (she always does) with her cleavage showing & may well show him her 'toned' body & to be honest, the minute he says he finds her attractive he can go...:(:(:(:(:(

balletshoes

this is really really very simple to sort out - explain to your OH how your sister and her constant attention-seeking behaviour affects you, and ask him not to go.

If your history with your sister is as you've described here, then you're not being stupid. She sounds like a right piece of work to me, and I'd have hoofed her out of my day to day life long before now, just for the things she's said to you, never mind the way she behaves.

eta - lets hope your OH listens and considers your feelings this time - if he doesn't, then its really not worth the aggro of having him around, either.

summerday

However insecure you may think you are, it really isn't a patch on your sister's insecurity levels!

Any grown adult, male or female, when confronted with the kind of behaviour you've described of your sister parading around in her underwear blatantly fishing for compliments will be well aware that she is acting in a very attention seeking, pathetic and immature way. I'm sure your husband is well used to her ways and knows exactly what she is like and isn't daft enough to touch her with a barge pole in the way that you're worried about.

No doubt your dad also is well aware also of which of his 2 daughters is the most well-turned out, modest, decent one to be proud of now that they are adults (well, one of them seems to be!)

Threebabes

Again I would explain to DH and tell him I did not want him to go. I would have as little as possible to do with her if she were my sister.

January20

I agree with Balletshoes (and the other posters), and would like to add that you are not selfish or stupid. You are unfortunate to have a sister who is not really a nice person, has no respect for you and your marriage (I can't believe she tried to make you late and turned up in jeans!) and is probably very jealous of you.

Speak to you DH calmly, clearly and make sure you spell it out for him so there is no confusion for him. And keep that sister of yours as far away from you as possible. You really don't need caustic people like that in your life!

Oh and by the way, you can't steal a husband who doesn't want to be stolen!

lookingforsun

Thanks; he does know how I feel, I've explained several times about my sister & he's seen it himself (he went mad at the wedding & was angry with her comments on my birthday), but he does feel flattered that she asked him, and has said that i can't control him - just about the worst thing he could say, as it makes me feel - yet again - that what my sister wants, she gets!

She does use people for her benefit & finally her friends are learning this. She used to get me to babysit so she could go out just after her DS was born - if i couldn't then she would ask my parents... nothing wrong with this - except my parents wouldn't babysit for me, and i was a single parent who'd not gone out when my DS was young... and she had a husband at home who could babysit.

lookingforsun

I doubt he would touch her - maybe that's not my issue thinking about it, I don't want him to go though! I'd just like him to say no to her, and if he doesn't it'll just reaffirm to her that anyone will do anything she asks - I feel his loyalty should be to me, and he knows I don't want him to go.

Incidentally I have no doubt she is insecure - but to be honest it's not my problem... she's like a psychic vampire, just 10 minutes of her on the phone & you feel you've done ten rounds with Mike Tyson!

sjc3

lookingforsun wrote: »

She hated DH & he her, and I was happy to keep them separate.

I don't know what to do, I feel like a kid again. I know she'll dress up (she always does) with her cleavage showing & may well show him her 'toned' body & to be honest, the minute he says he finds her attractive he can go...:(:(:(:(:(

Start by showing some faith in your husband. You and your sister sound like chalk and cheese. Why would some airhead, daft bint attract your husband, he married you, has a kid with you. Would he really do anything stupid and jeapoardise what you have to be with someone like her? Only you can answer that you know him best.

She sounds like the only thing going for her is how she looks. If your hubby has never been swayed by her in the past why would he start now? Even your dad, who use to idolise her, told her where to go at your wedding.

Look at it this way, as far as your hubby is concerned I bet your sister is comparable to a cheap plastic bracelet that falls out of a christmas cracker. You are a diamond ring. My sister is similar and this is how my hubby told me he views us

sassyblue

aaah lookingforsun, you're only insecure and jealous because she's MADE you like this!! I bet it's not in your nature to be.

Have another word with your DH and give him that line 'yet again what my sister wants she gets' surely that should put it into perspective for him? Yes you can't control him but his loyalty is to you and after everything that's gone on you'd think he'd know that and steer clear of her.

Your sister is a nasty piece of work but l agree with all the comments above, the tide has turned for her and now people are seeing her for what she is, you can bet if you two are compared together it's YOU who people prefer.

lookingforsun

sjc3 wrote: »

Start by showing some faith in your husband. You and your sister sound like chalk and cheese. Why would some airhead, daft bint attract your husband, he married you, has a kid with you. Would he really do anything stupid and jeapoardise what you have to be with someone like her? Only you can answer that you know him best.

She sounds like the only thing going for her is how she looks. If your hubby has never been swayed by her in the past why would he start now? Even your dad, who use to idolise her, told her where to go at your wedding.

Look at it this way, as far as your hubby is concerned I bet your sister is comparable to a cheap plastic bracelet that falls out of a christmas cracker. You are a diamond ring. My sister is similar and this is how my hubby told me he views us

Thanks - funny thing is she is now 40 & 15 1/2 stone, so she doesn't look like she used to, but still flirts and makes me insecure

summerday

Er, did I read this correct??! 15 and a half stone? And she thinks she has a toned body that everyone really needs to see in just her undies?! I was imagining a 20 year old size 10 girl!

Sorry, I genuinely mean no offfense to anyone else and am myself overweight I'm just so surprised at this weight revelation.