How to start again with nothing

peskie_pixie

feelinggood wrote:

Thanks for all the advice, and thank you for not all having a go at me for being a bad wife.

You are NOT a bad wife. It takes a lot of guts and honesty to admit when things aren't right for you, and even more guts to do something about.

The majority of people on this forum would never judge you and many have been in your shoes.

If just a little advice minimises the stress and heartache you're going thru, then it's worth offering.

take care x

victory

You a definetely not a bad wife, it takes a huge amount of courage, strength and determination to know that the marriage is over and feel that you have to move on.
Can you go to the C.A.B, they will tell you what you are entitled to? xxx

feelinggood_2

I could go to CAB, but would involve leaving the house, and I don't really want to do that :-/

inkie

could go to CAB, but would involve leaving the house, and I don't really want to do that :-/

But isn't that what you're looking to do - leave the house?

feelinggood_2

inkie wrote:

But isn't that what you're looking to do - leave the house?

Yeah I know, how can I up and leave when i can't even get in to town? This sucks

black-saturn

I apologise in advance that I didn't see this thread sooner. I've been so busy lately starting a new business I havn't had much time to come on here.

On an emotional side this man is controlling you and knows he can get away with it. The sheer fact that he knows you rely on him for money, food and shelter is telling me he likes to control you and is very manipulative. I'm afraid men like this don't often change. There might be a cycle of events which happen where the relationship is very close for a while and then it gets very difficult where you could cut the air with a knife and/or he is sulking and ignoring you. Then there is a big bust up or argument, then you make up and the whole cycle starts again. No woman (or man) deserves this.

On a practical side you could start looking now for alternative accommodation if you are sure that is what you really want. When you have found something suitable you could ask Housing Benefit if they will be able to pay all or some of the rent. As soon as you are independent you will need to make a claim for income support or job seekers allowance. Which one will be dependent on whether or not you will be entitled to other benefits. You can live independently of this man if you really put your mind to it and stick up for yourself. Especially as you don't have children and no commitments. It won't be easy but it is a whole lot harder if you do have children.

I went through an emotionally abusive relationship for 9 years and had 2 children with him (conceived when the relationship was going through a close phaze). After that time I suddenly had a lightbulb moment where I realised I was worth more than this and deserved more. A week later I walked out with the children in the middle of the night with only 2 carrier bags of kids clothes (I lived what I was standing up in for 3 weeks), £5 and a mobile phone to my name. Now I have my own house, my own business and am planning my wedding to a lovely man I have met. If someone had said to me when I was in the middle of it that I would get out and have a wonderful life I would have laughed in their face. But it can be done.

black-saturn

feelinggood wrote:

Yeah I know, how can I up and leave when i can't even get in to town? This sucks

Could you try contacting Women's Aid? They have shelters for women in your situation and would probably organise a lift or a taxi for you. You could also speak to your doctor as he might be able to offer some advice.

Here's the Women's Aid site:

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Sazbo

FG I'm so sorry, I have only just seen this thread myself. My heart goes out to you, it really does. I can only echo what has already been said - you are not a bad wife, you are not a bad person. You have been conditioned into thinking these things. I know we can only offer virtual support for you here, but many posters have been through similar situations and can give advice on that basis. I'm thinking of you and really hope things come good for you; you deserve it. Sx

feelinggood_2

Thank you all for your support, it means alot to me.
I'm looking in to accomodation and benefits, so hopefully the ball has starting rolling now.
Thank you all again xxx

victory

could you not ring the C.A.B then? Do they not have an online website? Could you not ring your doctor, do they have counsellors there that could help you or at least put you in touch with a number that can help you xxx