How to start again with nothing

feelinggood_2

CCStar wrote:

Are you abusive towards him?

No, but if I didn't do things wrong, he wouldnt be like this would he?

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

Its not that much shouting. Well, there is some, but mainly is the guilt trips, rolling his eyes, sighing, ignoring me, putting me down, bringing things fromt he past up etc

That sounds mean. Had all those too:mad:

feelinggood_2

hardly anything really nasty tho is it? surely I shouldn't get so bothered over it?

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

No, but if I didn't do things wrong, he wouldnt be like this would he?

What do you feel you do is wrong?

Wanting to be close and happy together?

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

hardly anything really nasty tho is it? surely I shouldn't get so bothered over it?

It isn't pleasant and wears you down over time and will bother you. Each disappointment and nasty feeling ends up making you numb. You are using alcohol to numb the pain to make it bearable.

Was this what you wanted from a marriage? I very much doubt it.

Marriage in my opinion should on the whole be a union of support, trust, closeness and happiness. OK nothing is 100% perfect but when you feel attacked in whatever way, it takes away the feeling of unity.

feelinggood_2

I'm thinking I might talk to my brother. He's recently moved out, and if I can make sure he won't talk to my mum, I might be able to crash at his for a little while - if his girlfriend won't mind. It depends, he might be fine with it, he's a good guy to talk to, but would he actually stick by me? They both work full time, and I'm sure they'd appreciate someone to cook and clean I don't know, maybe I'm being overly hopeful - he might just say no.

Hopefully should hear soon if I can claim - I spoke to someone from the benefits office when I was sacked for being ill, and they said that I am entitled, so I really hope so. Still feel guilty for claiming - but, I suppose, if I need it, I need it.

Off for a walk to clear my head and work out what I need to do.

Sugar_Coated_Owl

(((feelinggood))) how are you feeling today hun?

I've only just come across this thread, I had no idea you were feeling like this

black-saturn

feelinggood wrote:

No, but if I didn't do things wrong, he wouldnt be like this would he?

This is a classic symptom of emotional abuse. He gets in a mood, puts your down and blames you for it when really you havn't done anything at all wrong. He's brainwashed you into thinking it's all your fault. Believe me it isn't. He's one of those awful controlling men who like to blame the woman for everything.

My ex used to get in moods because I was overweight when I was with him. He would shut his eyes when I walked past and hold a magazine up next to his face when I sat next to him because he thought I was so repulsive. I was on crash diet after crash diet and would lose a load of weight but couldnt keep up the starvation so I would end up putting it back on again. Then he would get worse. When I left I fell out of love with him and hated him from the second my foot went over the doorstep. It wasn't long before he had a new girlfriend (she was 16 and he was 42) and she was really really skinny. He made it clear how brilliant she was compared to me thinking it was going to upset me but it didn't. I just thought 'poor cow'. Now he's split up with her and it turns out he was constantly making her feel like dirt because she had a daughter at a young age. So I came to te conclusion that he was only happy when he was doing his partner down and would pick at what their weak point was and keep eroding away at it.

Jet

My ex never gave the classic "emotional abuse" lines of "you're ugly or you're fat". But he did give regular, subtle put downs. He would compare my cooking to his ex's. If we went swimming, he would put down my swimming technique, if we were at a dance, he would say my dancing was "stiff", if I was watching tv for literally half an hour a week, he would tell me I was a TV addict, if I drove the car 1mph over the speed limit, he would tell me I was a dangerous driver. I wouldn't mind but he was hardly perfect himself - his dancing was awful! :eek: and he was involved in a fatal car accident where he was considerably over the speed limit. :mad:

It really knocks your confidence and it took me a long time to leave. I'm now in a relationship with a lovely guy who never puts me down, just builds me up. It felt very strange at first - I'm not used to someone being so kind and also not used to the fact that he actually wants to spend time with me, tells me he misses me and makes me feel like I'm important to him. It may or may not end up being a long term thing but it's doing me the world of good knowing that genuine guys do exist. He's restoring my faith in the male species.

The point I'm trying to make is that my ex would upset me, then I would try and talk to him and he would tell me that I was never happy and all that complaining was the reason he went chasing after anything else in a skirt. It was his way of blackmailing me into "putting up and shutting up".

You don't have to feel guilty for wanting to be treated with respect by your husband. Keep telling yourself that no matter what, you deserve respect.

elljay20

fg are you married to my ex husband??
I agree with everyone else, he soesn't have to give you a black eye to be abusing you. my ex was exactly like this, i couldn't even wash the dishes "properly" in his opinion. pity, now he has to wash them himself:D