How to start again with nothing

feelinggood_2

Hope this is the right place for this, and I hope some of you lovely people will be able to help me

Right, basically, I want to leave my husband. I've been married for 2 years, and there is really no hope for the relationship.
I don't have any children.
I don't work due to illness, and don't know when I will be able to work. I don't claim any benefits - I am totally finacially dependant on him.
The house isn't in my name, nor have I ever contributed to bills or the morgage.
I have no friends, and although I have family, they would disown me when I leave.
So, I have no money and no where to go.
Do I have any options?
I wouldn't have said he was abusive, but people have pointed out that it lookslike he is very manipulative - but, I could just be imagining that.
Any help is most welcome - thanks for reading

wigginsmum

Sorry to hear this. From where I sit, the best thing you can do if you're sure you want out is to find out what benefits you're entitled to while you're unable to work.

feelinggood_2

wigginsmum wrote:

Sorry to hear this. From where I sit, the best thing you can do if you're sure you want out is to find out what benefits you're entitled to while you're unable to work.

I'm 90% certain that I'm entitled to IB and DLA, should I start claiming now? If I don't tell OH, then I might be able to save enough to get my own bedsit for a while, would that work?

elona

Are you quite sure that your family would disown you? They may just be trying not to interfere and come across as uncaring because of this.

Have you had a look at black saturn's site on emotional abuse - she is not allowed the link in her signature but you could p.m. her.

Just wanted to wish you luck and hope that things get better.

lil_me

First option is ask your family what they really think, and if they would disown you, never pressume anything.

Secondly see if you are entitled to any benefits because of your illness, if not you will need to sign on for Job Seekers so you have at least something to live on. Claiming anything you're entitled to should be done imediately, it's your money if you're entitled. If you can hide the post then it is up to you if you decide to tell your partner or not. Personally I would prefer to be honest, but it is your choice.

Third I would contact all your local housing associations and your Local Authority housing office to apply for housing. Ok you would only be offered a flat or similar maybe but hopefully if entitled to benefits then the rent or at least part of it would be paid.

Furniture etc, a friend of mine through sites like Freecycle, dontdumpthat and similar has managed to leave a violent relaionship with nothing and has got all the things for the house they were eventually given from there, from fridges to beds. If you won't have internet access when you leave you can use it in local library etc.

Last thing, good luck, it's not nice feeling you have to stay with someone because there is no way out, if you feel you can sort things out Iwould suggest a good talk and maybe a counselling service like relate etc.

feelinggood_2

lil_me wrote:

First option is ask your family what they really think, and if they would disown you, never pressume anything.

Secondly see if you are entitled to any benefits because of your illness, if not you will need to sign on for Job Seekers so you have at least something to live on.

Third I would contact all your local housing associations and your Local Authority housing office to apply for housing. Ok you would only be offered a flat or similar maybe but hopefully if entitled to benefits then the rent or at least part of it would be paid.

Furniture etc, a friend of mine through sites like Freecycle, dontdumpthat and similar has managed to leave a violent relaionship with nothing and has got all the things for the house they were eventually given from there, from fridges to beds. If you won't have internet access when you leave you can use it in local library etc.

Last thing, good luck, it's not nice feeling you have to stay with someone because there is no way out, if you feel you can sort things out Iwould suggest a good talk and maybe a counselling service like relate etc.

Am I allowed to apply for housing at the moment? Techically, I have somewhere to live - won't they just turn me away?

My mother has said in no uncertain terms to me, that she wouldn't be able to have contact with me if I left my husband. Thats why I stuck it out - couldn't bear to loose my family. Its getting to the point now where I've got to do something.

He won't admit that there is a problem - he is a bury your head in the sand and pretend everything is fine type of person. He won't even admit that I am ill - so I get no support at all. He won't consider conselling.

peskie_pixie

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.
It's not easy to start again. I left my partner after being together for 8 years (although we weren't married) and thought my family would be all "told you so etc etc" but they surprised me by being really supportive.

i'm more than sure you'd be entitled to IB and DLA. Also get in touch with your local authority housing department or a local housing association who should be able to give you advice on accommodation. Also if you claim benefits you'll be entitled to Housing and Council Tax Benefit.

Good luck and chin up. xx

Even though technically you have somewhere to live, housing people won't turn you away they'll at least be able to tell you your options etc

Horasio

You are doing the right thing. I was in your position at your age and wish I had the courage you have.

I am now 42, been married nearly 25 years and have an 18 year old son, so am able to leave too, which is why we are selling up.

You are still entitled to half the proceeds from the house and financial support as you are married, even though it isn't in your name.

You may be able to get extra support for illness, but the government aren't known for their generosity if there is any decent income coming in. You are more likely to get help if you weren't married and have nothing. I imagine you would be better off getting half from your husband. You would need to get legal advice about this tho' and talk to the CAB.

You could get it put in your name before you leave. It isn't very expensive and gives you more rights. I did this when I was 18, as I married at 17 and legally you can't have a mortgage until 18.

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

Am I allowed to apply for housing at the moment? Techically, I have somewhere to live - won't they just turn me away?

My mother has said in no uncertain terms to me, that she wouldn't be able to have contact with me if I left my husband. Thats why I stuck it out - couldn't bear to loose my family. Its getting to the point now where I've got to do something.

He won't admit that there is a problem - he is a bury your head in the sand and pretend everything is fine type of person. He won't even admit that I am ill - so I get no support at all. He won't consider conselling.

I don't understand why your mother would disown you for splitting up. My mother would have been delighted.

It takes courage and you are young, family aren't always what we want or need. I learnt to be less caring about their opinion. Work out who you are and what you need and go for it!

We are all here to support you.

lauren_1

If you are 100% sure you are netitled to DLA why are you not claiming it already? it is not a means tested benefit so you could be married to maiilionaire and still be eligable to claim. do it online straight away before you loose anymore money

feelinggood_2

lauren_1 wrote:

If you are 100% sure you are netitled to DLA why are you not claiming it already? it is not a means tested benefit so you could be married to maiilionaire and still be eligable to claim. do it online straight away before you loose anymore money

I'm just filling in the form - they don't make it easy do they.
I've not claimed as I felt that I shouldn't if I didn't need to.