Old Style Parenting?

Lunar_Eclipse

The longer I parent, the more I am convinced that most children are happy and well behaved when they get sufficient sleep and stimulation (mental & physical), a balanced diet and quality time with parents/people who show them clearly that they love and accept them, in an environment in which they feel safe and respected. It all sounds so simplistic, but we all now how important the basics are and yet hard to get right in the busy whirlwind of reality, at the same time.

Like another poster, I encourage you to stay calm, but make it known what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and why. If you tell kids off and dish out punishment without them fully understanding what they've done wrong (ie hurt and embarrassed you by hitting you) then it's almost impossible for them to change their behaviour to something more appropriate. He's probably just hungry and over tired after nursery/school and dying for some 1:1 time (hard I know.) Keep going and don't give a second thought to what others think as we never know what goes on in other homes; do what's right for you.

Good luck.

Lunar_Eclipse

Just read more of the thread.

I wouldn't smack him either. That tells him, in no uncertain terms, that violence is acceptable. Safety situations aside, it also shows that the parent has completely lost control, which can quite often make things worse instead of calming them down.

People can also lose respect for those that deliberately hurt them which isn't ideal in a parent-child relationship.

julie03

princesstippytoes wrote: »

Under those circumstances I would have removed the netbook and told him that he would not get it back until he had thought about his actions and apologised properly for his behaviour and then warn him that any more behaviour of that kind and he could say a permanent goodbye to the netbook. I would mean it too. If a parent makes a ''threat'' then they got to be prepared to carry it through.

this was very much the case, the netbook was taken away for the rest of the day, after one warning, we always carry out threats and are very consistent, but when your child seems to constantly do this and nothing really goes in, it takes many many insidents to get through so sometimes you feel that this isnt working, it is it just takes alot longer with some kids

strawberrypud

I have a nearly 3 year old daughter and I want her to be sweet and kind and unspoilt. I also want her to appreciate gifts and even new clothes and instead, as adorable as she is, she is demanding and argumentative.

She is very mischievous....for example when we are not looking she'll smear something on the tv screen (like soft cheese from a sandwich or youghurt) despite being told many times not to. She'll ask me "what's that?" and I'll say "a lamp" and she'll say "NO its a light":mad:

Potty training is a nightmare. I'm letting her go around with nothing on her bottom half to make it easier and the potty is always nearby but she will pee wherever she is standing despite having bladder control and knowing what is expected of her. I have been praising the successes and ignoring the failures and wiping up endless puddles for 10 days now. Today I let her pee in her pants and trousers thinking that would be uncomfy but 2 hours later she was still in them and unconcerned.

She regularly gets her magazines (cbeebies/friends) which have colouring pages and stickers from her grandmother, who also brings her books and little toys sometimes but now she asks for something as soon as she sees her grandmother and shows no surprise or gratitude when she gets something. I do make her say thank you but that is just words. I ask her to say please when she asks for something but she never says it unprompted.

My husband and me are clearly getting the discipline all wrong and we agree that we need to make some decisions about how to handle her behaviour before it gets worse and to hopefully change it for the better. We took her to a butterfly farm yesterday and I knelt down to show her one on the ground and said to her to look but not touch and she suddenly stomped on it! :eek:I was so shocked and upset I couldn't speak but my husband smacked her bum and we all left immediately telling her that she'd spoilt it for everyone now.

When she does something naughty my husband will take away a favorite toy for the rest of the day or ban tv for the day. I just explain that I'm disappointed/angry. I've tried reading parenting books but am left stuck about how and when to implement the techniques ("use time out but not too often and only for certain things"?!?! Don't smack/shout/shame a child) so I am now doing virtually nothing on the discipline front and ending up with a demanding spoilt little madam. I can't ask my mum for help because apparantly a cross look from her was enough to keep me in line!

So please advise me on OS ways of raising nice children who grow into emotionally healthy adults.

patchwork_cat

I recommend Toddler Taming by Chris Green

Glad

Hi
we have a thread on the family board Old Style Parenting?
which is asking similar questions

these 2 threads could be merged and I'll pm one of the OS BG's to ask which board would be best for the thread

toontron

Your little girl sounds like she behaves the way most children of that age do to me.

CRANKY40

I second the Toddler Taming book.

diddly74

Strawberrypud it sounds to me like you should stop reading the books and start looking inside yourself. You obviously know how you want your daughter to behave, and were bought up in a way you admire and believe in - so try believing in yourself and follow your common sense, and why can't you ask your Mum for help - she raised you!

I have 2 daughters and while I have days where they tear my hair out and am convinced I am doing a crap job, other people tell me different - and I have only ever followed my rules and treated them as I was as a child. I haven't turned out bad and they make me proud on a daily basis!

I don't subscribe to the "be nice to your child or they will be forever emotionally damaged" route of thinking - children need rules and boundaries, yes they will try and cross them but it is our responsibility to ensure they learn consequences of their actions. If my girls misbehave they get punished, from a simple dock of pocket money or no sweets for a day to grounding that can last for days. Maybe your daughter is just revelling her Terrible Twos stage and pushing the envelope to see where your buttons are. It may all be stage and you wake up on her 3rd birthday to an angel!

On another note I had trouble getting my DD2 to potty train. She knew what she was doing from an early stage, but would hold it and hold it until I put a nappy on refusing to use the potty or the toilet. I didn't push it too hard just kept trying her but what really helped was when she went to nursery at 2, seeing the other children using the potty made her want to be like them, and nappies disappeared in a matter of weeks. Does your little girl go to any daycare? Can they help you?

Good luck and beleive in yourself.

LilacPixie

toddler taming will make you laugh. its a funny book.

We withdrew all treats, treats are a privlidge and if my DD could not look after and respect her toys then she got none. You all need to be consistent in your approach.