Old Style Parenting?

pigpen

food and drink is confined to the kitchen table

the best timeout we have found is 5 minutes on a chair in the kitchen.. no talking to the child, no toys/tv/radio.. no interaction.. and the sit there for 5 minutes of no screaming, wriggling, getting up etc.. when they are bigger I expect silence. It gives them time to calm down, forget arguments and think of something else to do.

i understand grandma wanting to bring treats but she needs to ask if DD has been a good irl and if not give it to you to look after until she has been good..

Consistency, firmness and an agreed set of punishments beween you and dad is vital... at the moment you are working against each other you need to work together.

And put her back in nappies for a bit.. nurseries CANNOT say she cannot go if she is still wearing a nappy, that is discrimination!!! I have 3 that had bladder problems so looked into this quite carefully.

esmf73

KerryPN, Just to say that I'm with you on everything. The behaviour, the lack of empathy, the destruction of curtains, blinds - you name it.... even things that were apparently precious to him! Been having Behaviour Therapy for a year - no huge noticable difference. New school (who have already got children with autism) have said that he is somewhere on the spectrum. So pleased we have a rough idea - now have to get it professionally. Just wish his behaviour had been better yesterday - it was BL**DY awful! Big hugs to all mums xx

fernliebee

She sounds like a typical toddler

Most points have been covered, but just to add, that if grandma won't stop buying the gifts (I know she prob loves to do it!) maybe you could make sure each week that your DD has a 'present' for grandma too. If grandma accepts it graciously, then she will learn from her how you should respond. The gifts could be a cake if you have been baking/ a painting/ a drawing/ a flower from the garden etc nothing bought etc.

My DD is 2 and we have similar issues, we confine food to the table or she as a tiny table in the living room so as a treat sometimes she gets to sit there for snacks or lunch while I feed the baby etc. Any playing up or faffing about and she goes straight back to the dining table.

Toilet training- we had issues as DD is very strong willed and I was asking her if she needed the toilet a lot, she was saying no so it was a battle of wills. So I stopped asking her, I explained that she was a big girl, she knew where wee's and poo's go, and she needs to tell me (and I bribed with a sticker when she did it) If she isn't seeming ready go back in nappies, you can also put a nappy on over pants so they get the feel of being wet without you having to clean it up.

saying no it's a light is just playing with language you could try saying, well done you can call it a light, and if you can think of any other words for it tell her them too. At the minute DD is really interested in what other people call things. So she says Pathment, and I say that is a clever name for it, I call it a pavement, nana says path, in America they call it a sidewalk, some people call it the street etc, she giggles lot's and gets me to repeat it over and over

We do timeout for things like hurting or breaking things or for if I keep having to ask her about something, she gets a warning first. She gets toy's taken away if she throws them, they sit on a shelf where she can see them and gets them back in the toy box at the end of the day.

sassyblue

Hi hun,

First of all, your daughter is perfectly normal.... isn't parenting fun?! :eek:

Ignoring you, answering you back, being defiant is all part of growing up for these little ones as they're learning vocabulary and exercising their 'rights' . You clearly know how you want your daughter raised so continue to use the discipline that works for her and you'll get there in the end.

Have you tried the 'thinking spot'? Issue a warning before bad behaviour and if it continues she sits on there - no limited time - but she comes off when she's thought about her actions and why they upset you or whoever, then she must come and apologise, you can explain why she got put there but after that the issue is forgotten.

As for potty training, l'd do the same as you have been advised, put her back in nappies and try again in a week or two.

Don't let her eat anywhere but the table and let her know why

Half the trouble of sorting out bad behaviour is finding out what works for your child, and anything that's overused becomes inneffective and then it's time to find another method, they like to keep us on our toes....

As for the treats if grandmother won't stop buying them for the near future take them off grandmother as soon as she's let in and hide them up for when your daughter has been good and then bring it out as a surprise, let her know obviously it was a surprise from nanny and hopefully she will say thankyou when she sees nanny next time or you could make a point of ringing nanny especially to say thankyou.

Good luck, God knows us parents all need it :rotfl:

jess1974

Dave101t wrote: »

3 is already too late, sorry!

helpful.....NOT!!!!

pigpen

Have you tried a sticker chart for potty usage?

she uses the potty she gets a small sticker (or in our case we used chocolate buttons/jelly beans/maltesers.. a wee = 1 sweet, a poo =2.. other than my 2 with bladder problems, this had my other 6 out of nappies in days) .. when she has a certain number of stickers 5 or 10 she gets the present grandma brought.. or something different.. a chocolate biscuit. Don't set the goal too high or the prize to big.. you may be providing them a while..

I just thought a little incentive might work if you really want her out of nappies

kafkathecat

Some good advice on this thread which I won't duplicate but I would just like to add when my son was younger and misbehaved I would try to find out why he had done something and then tell him a different way he could have got what he wanted.
Also with please and thank you when very young I would just say it for him until he got used to hearing it at those times and then said it himself. I would sometimes say 'I/nanny can't hear you' if he asked for something without saying please and most importantly I always said please and thank you to him. It does all take time; sometimes he wouldn't say thank you but then 15 minutes later would say it in a really heartfelt way after the excitement of the present had worn off.

go_cat

Dave101t wrote: »

3 is already too late, sorry!

Thats a bit harsh :eek:

at least OP has recognised she needs to do something and not waited until her daughter is 18 then said where did i go wrong

renegade

mintymoneysaver wrote: »

It is really hard to be a parent. I had a 3 year old daughter who really was sweet, kind, thoughtful, loving, considerate. She's now 16 and all of those traits seem to have completely disappeared! She's become selfish, inconsiderate and ungrateful. I wonder where I went wrong....:rotfl:

You didn't do anything wrong , she is just as normal as all the other teens in this world, she is Hormonal,it's a very difficult time for all growing kids from about14-20 yrs old, they are as confused as you are,don't know what is happening to them or why ,it is just something that has to be accepted providing that she is not breaking the law. Just be there for her when she needs you-in the background-she does not want you in 'her business' at the moment. She will get through it and come through the tunnel at the other end a better grown up adult .Nobody comes through it unscathed it is part of growing up.Don't you remember it? I do and still have haunting memories of how horrible I was, I am now a gt grandmother!

gratefulforhelp_2

strawberrypud wrote: »

[FONT=&quot]I have a nearly 3 year old daughter and I want her to be sweet and kind and unspoilt. I also want her to appreciate gifts and even new clothes and instead, as adorable as she is, she is demanding and argumentative.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]She is very mischievous....for example when we are not looking she'll smear something on the tv screen (like soft cheese from a sandwich or youghurt) despite being told many times not to.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Praise her when she plays nicely, and tell her why you are praising her.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] She'll ask me "what's that?" and I'll say "a lamp" and she'll say "NO its a light":mad: [/FONT]
That's her age. Don't take it personally. Say "we can call that a lamp, or a light".

[FONT=&quot]Potty training is a nightmare. I'm letting her go around with nothing on her bottom half to make it easier and the potty is always nearby but she will pee wherever she is standing despite having bladder control and knowing what is expected of her. I have been praising the successes and ignoring the failures and wiping up endless puddles for 10 days now. Today I let her pee in her pants and trousers thinking that would be uncomfy but 2 hours later she was still in them and unconcerned.[/FONT]

You are doing this right, but don't leave her in wet clothes, honey, please. Potty training takes way longer than most people will admit.

[FONT=&quot]She regularly gets her magazines (cbeebies/friends) which have colouring pages and stickers from her grandmother, who also brings her books and little toys sometimes but now she asks for something as soon as she sees her grandmother and shows no surprise or gratitude when she gets something. I do make her say thank you but that is just words. I ask her to say please when she asks for something but she never says it unprompted.[/FONT]

She's very little to have got this yet. Ask Grandmother (if she has brought something) to leave it to the end of her visit sometimes. Don't worry about this.

[FONT=&quot]My husband and me are clearly getting the discipline all wrong and we agree that we need to make some decisions about how to handle her behaviour before it gets worse and to hopefully change it for the better. We took her to a butterfly farm yesterday and I knelt down to show her one on the ground and said to her to look but not touch and she suddenly stomped on it! :eek:I was so shocked and upset I couldn't speak but my husband smacked her bum and we all left immediately telling her that she'd spoilt it for everyone now.[/FONT]

She's had a load of attention for stamping on a butterfly. That now looks like quite rewarding behaviour (see what I mean?)
IMHO smacking her is pointless, apart from any moral arguments.

[FONT=&quot]When she does something naughty my husband will take away a favorite toy for the rest of the day or ban tv for the day. I just explain that I'm disappointed/angry. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot][/FONT]
How about ignoring her or putting her in her room for a very short time (3 min)?

Attention given for naughtiness is a way of reinforcing the naughty behaviour, and is self-defeating, unless she is in danger.

[FONT=&quot]I've tried reading parenting books but am left stuck about how and when to implement the techniques ("use time out but not too often and only for certain things"?!?! Don't smack/shout/shame a child) so I am now doing virtually nothing on the discipline front and ending up with a demanding spoilt little madam. I can't ask my mum for help because apparantly a cross look from her was enough to keep me in line![/FONT]

Mothers! They know how to build your self-esteem!

A few comments, hope they help. It is not too late, and you are not doing a bad job. She is probably a smashing little girl, they all go through stages, of one kind or another.