Future Ex Cuts Off All Financial Support

euronorris

snowmaid wrote: »

Depends in the way she was 'asked' and when? If they were newly married and in love and a girl is told, 'sweetheart', let me take care of you, you stay at home and raise our family and I will give you an allowance every month', to a lot of women, even working, the thought of playing 'happy family' and being at home to look after your family is very appealing and sounds ideal. I am not criticising, I am stating a fact as I would have loved the opportunity.

I have to agree here.

When you are in love and the subject is first brought up, it is the ideal situation for many women.

Personally, I would love to be in the position where I could work part time, and spend the rest of the time at home bringing up baby (when the time comes). Even if OH earnt enough for me to stay at home, I don't think I could do it, as I would go a bit crazy at home 24/7. But, I completely understand the attraction of staying at home with the kids and wouldn't begrudge anyone who was able to do it.

That said, when it comes down to it, I may feel very differently. Who knows!

MrsTinks

Ok the endowment I'm sure your parents can cover temporarily themselves? We're talking relatively short term here...
The McD and contacts you can live without (or your son can) so... what's left? Get yourself a good solicitor - I would have thought you might qualify for legal aid but you would need to check. Wether I agree with it or not then when you divorce you will get a certain amount of money and maintenance from your ex - make sure you fight for it. I'm not sure that I class being a mum of one as hard a job as doing my full time job, sure the hours are long but hey - so's my job... I might change my mind as my DD gets older and think it's far harder than my job LOL
All that said - he has no right to be manipulative and abusive - he does have every right to at least for now not pay for any of your luxuries - why should he? You are leaving him and he's not starving you or making you freeze etc. There is absolutely nothing stopping you getting a cleaning job or 2 which would provide you with all the spare cash you will need for now

snowy63

House is just in his name, never had a joint bank account or anything either. He gave me a monthly allowance and that was the end of my knowledge of any financial affairs, maybe I should have insisted on being more involved but it wasn't something he was ever keen on. My son is 16 in March then will be able to get a job. What is a SOA?

PS apology accepted

PPS also have lived on the breadline so not scared of it, when my son was born, my husband went into an IVA when his business collapsed, I actually went back to work for that year and that was our only income until he came through the collapse of his business emotionally and managed to start over. Then I was asked to stop working to be at home for the family.

I'm confused why you pay an endowment on your parents home though?[/QUOTE]
I had an endowment policy on a house that I lived in before I met my husband, when my parents wanted to move from their council home, I used the endowment and the proceeds from my house that was sold to that they could move to the coast which was always their dream.

snowy63

Caroline73 wrote: »

Your son is 16 and will understand. Say to him 'I gave up work to bring you up, now your father and I are divorcing I have no income until I find a job' It's truthful and not manipulative.

read Juliff's thread and see how she has progressed.

I do take issue with you 'having' to give up work. Surely you made that decision?

tThere was constant rowing re me working in London, getting home at 8pm, having to deal with young children, cook our meals and then spend weekend shopping, washing etc as he has always refused to do anything domestic as he always earned more money than me. So to 'save' our marriage and to bring peace, I agreed to give up work as my contribution financially was comparably slight.

snowy63

carefullycautious wrote: »

Im sorry but I nearly choked on my coffee @ you wanting 50 pounds a week. I know you have looked after your husband and family and are used to a certain standard of living but boy am I glad that I have never been dependant on a mans money(and I have been married 35 years)

THere is no way I would beg anyone for money. You must have played right into his hands giving up your independance to 'look after him'

Boy has this thread made me realise how lucky I am not to have married into money (which equates to the mans money only given under his terms and conditions)

and you can be sure I won't make that mistake again, by the way, when I met him, we didn't have a large amount of money, it's been accrued during our marriage, i hope smug towers is comfortable for you!

Michelin

carefullycautious wrote: »

Im sorry but I nearly choked on my coffee @ you wanting 50 pounds a week. I know you have looked after your husband and family and are used to a certain standard of living but boy am I glad that I have never been dependant on a mans money(and I have been married 35 years)

THere is no way I would beg anyone for money. You must have played right into his hands giving up your independance to 'look after him'

Boy has this thread made me realise how lucky I am not to have married into money (which equates to the mans money only given under his terms and conditions)

What a really unhelpful post for someone who is going through what Snowy is at the moment. Pretty irrelevant too.

RAS

Hi snowy

I think you need to read this advice http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1276963 which covers economic abuse.

Based on the very little you have told us about his wanting you not to work and the psychological games (of which this is the latest), I suspect this is very relevant.

Now being practical. Are you able to access any information about your husband's business and bank accounts? If so, copy this and get it safe at a friend's house. You will almost certainly find that he tries to hide his wealth when the divorce comes through - you need evidence of what he has now.

Find out where the local library is if you do not already use it and sign up. That will give you access to a computer which he cannot access.

Go up in the loft, through your cupboards and identify things that you can sell. Good clothes possibly to the dress agency, otherwise e-bay. Books and DVDs on amazon. Old toys, anything.

Locate a safe house for your documents and move them.

Sign on for JSA. You will not get contributions or income based JSA but may be able to get additional support. You may also get free or very reduced access to the local public sports faciltities.

The CV is OK, but having been out of the loop, it may be hard to get anywhere. What i am seeing is a lot of employers just putting job ads in their windows. Get walking round town and do not be proud about what you take. You need an recent employment history and a referee.

How is this panning out with your social contacts? Are you being black-balled or supported? Make use of your networks to find jobs, even short-term contracts.

euronorris

Hi Snowy. See my post above re the SOA.

snowy63

Thanks Ras, I have a good network of friends who are there emotionally for me and with the odd glass of wine (had decided to go teetoal in Jan but proving a bit difficult for obvious reasons!) I'd decided today that I was going to go through the 'dumping grounds' of our house to see what I can get sold on ebay, also going to start a collection for car booting once the weather has improved. I didn't realise what a reponse this would get, I'm totally bemused by some of the replies. I'm totally on the job front, have called a few care homes this afternoon on the strength of the replies on here, no go but one has a vacancy for a part time office administrator which I've applied for (they want excel, I don't have it), fingers crossed. I'd do practically anything, especially as it means I'll get out of the house and be with other people. I can go a whole week and only visit the supermarket!! Anyway, sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself again so I'll sign off, thanks again to all of you kind, supportive people out there, just knowing someone has something positive to say makes me feel better.

MrsAnnie

I am not sure why Snowy is having to defend being a stay at home mum/ housewife.

There are a lot of women who do it for various reasons. I do not work while my husband goes out to work, but for different reasons.

OP obviously lives a very financially previledged lifestyle, and I think most women would very quickly give up work to be a homemaker. I think the only thing that Snowy could have done better was plan for this eventuality - though maybe she did not see it coming.

I think many of us couldn't see past the £1000 allowance she was given and focused on the amount of her allowance instead of her situation.