Future Ex Cuts Off All Financial Support

msflowerfairy

snowy63 wrote: »

Fortunately, I have good typing and office skills from when I worked in PR (started as a PA), a lot of the jobs want Powerpoint, some Excel, so that's what I thought, must get back to an adult evening class and pick these skills up which will help me out in the long run once I've got myself together and back on my feet.

Hi Snowy,
I have a few excel ebooks on my memory stick that i could possibly email to you, i may have to send you a few emails, as they are quite big. They are for office 2003, but they are all pretty much the same. You can then swot up and add your new knowledge to your C.V, that is how i learnt.
PM me, and i will send them over to you, ASAP.
Take Care.

euronorris

There is a link to a free digital Excel book on this site, in the freebies section. You can then download it and follow the instructions.

Ah, here it is: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=562434

You should be able to get a basic knowledge from this at least.

gwhizz75

ninky wrote: »

just putting an alternative point of view that with one fell swoop you have removed his access to having a wife/marriage that he has presumably dedicated as many years of his life to as you have to running the home and bringing up the children.

Oh yeah, it sounds like he tried real hard and dedicated everything to his marriage - what with the threatening behaviour and emotional abuse. Perfect husband all round!

I am stunned at the way some people have attacked the OP - it's disgusting! So what if some of you can feed a family of 10 on 20p a week? So because some people are living on the breadline, everyone else should be too? How can you be so judgemental just because the OP had a good standard of living and a fair bit of spare cash each month? Honestly, sometimes on here there almost seems to be a pathetic competition going on for "who's the poorest".

I'm lucky in that I also have a lot of spare cash after the bills are paid (partly due to interest rates being so low, so my mortgage is tiny). I have huge sympathy for the OP as I can't imagine the shock if this was all taken away from me and I was left with nothing. I don't have kids either but it must be ten times worse when you do!

The OP has spent a huge chunk of her life looking after her husband, their son and their house. She deserves to be paid for doing so and she deserves money from him for the time where she wasn't progressing in a career because she was a housewife (at his request). She will get this when they get divorced, but I think the fact that he isn't required to give her any money UNTIL then is the travesty. How do they expect people to live? Transport and other essentials soon add up (especially with a child), £80 is nothing. I am afraid I have no practical advice OP but just wanted to say I sympathise xx

angelavdavis

snowy63 wrote: »

Fortunately, I have good typing and office skills from when I worked in PR (started as a PA), a lot of the jobs want Powerpoint, some Excel, so that's what I thought, must get back to an adult evening class and pick these skills up which will help me out in the long run once I've got myself together and back on my feet.

Hi Snowy,

Have a google for Community Learning Centres in your area. Check out the library too. They very often have free courses for people who are not working that could help you out. The government has now emphasised that it wants people such as Mums who don't work to retrain so they can return to work - so funding has become available in many areas for this.

jackomk

Give him an invoice for all the cooking, cleaning ect since he cut off the allowance !! If he doesnt pay up....withdraw your services

good luck with everything

ninky_2

gwhizz75 wrote: »

Oh yeah, it sounds like he tried real hard and dedicated everything to his marriage - what with the threatening behaviour and emotional abuse. Perfect husband all round!

I am stunned at the way some people have attacked the OP - it's disgusting! So what if some of you can feed a family of 10 on 20p a week? So because some people are living on the breadline, everyone else should be too? How can you be so judgemental just because the OP had a good standard of living and a fair bit of spare cash each month? Honestly, sometimes on here there almost seems to be a pathetic competition going on for "who's the poorest".

I'm lucky in that I also have a lot of spare cash after the bills are paid (partly due to interest rates being so low, so my mortgage is tiny). I have huge sympathy for the OP as I can't imagine the shock if this was all taken away from me and I was left with nothing. I don't have kids either but it must be ten times worse when you do!

The OP has spent a huge chunk of her life looking after her husband, their son and their house. She deserves to be paid for doing so and she deserves money from him for the time where she wasn't progressing in a career because she was a housewife (at his request). She will get this when they get divorced, but I think the fact that he isn't required to give her any money UNTIL then is the travesty. How do they expect people to live? Transport and other essentials soon add up (especially with a child), £80 is nothing. I am afraid I have no practical advice OP but just wanted to say I sympathise xx

Well let's not forget we are only hearing one side of the story here. Only the OP will know how truly emotionally abusive etc he was. I'm not condoning abuse.

As for deserving money for the time she wasn't progressing her career, I'm not sure I agree with that. Even if he did suggest it she didn't have to go along with that, it was her choice. I really don't think you should make any decisions in relationships based on what you expect to get in return in the future. Surely the ability not to have to work and to spend time with your kids is payment enough?

As they have a child together then yes the husband must pay for food and shelter (which he is doing). As for covering the cost of gym membership, trips to the hairdresser I don't see why he should. I wouldn't want to pay for the lifestyle of an ex no matter how many meals they'd cooked in the past, or whatever cleaning they'd done etc. Given the level of income I wouldn't be surprised if the husband had actually paid for a cleaner anyway.

MrsAnnie

ninky wrote: »

Well let's not forget we are only hearing one side of the story here. Only the OP will know how truly emotionally abusive etc he was. I'm not condoning abuse.

As for deserving money for the time she wasn't progressing her career, I'm not sure I agree with that. Even if he did suggest it she didn't have to go along with that, it was her choice. I really don't think you should make any decisions in relationships based on what you expect to get in return in the future. Surely the ability not to have to work and to spend time with your kids is payment enough?

As they have a child together then yes the husband must pay for food and shelter (which he is doing). As for covering the cost of gym membership, trips to the hairdresser I don't see why he should. I wouldn't want to pay for the lifestyle of an ex no matter how many meals they'd cooked in the past, or whatever cleaning they'd done etc. Given the level of income I wouldn't be surprised if the husband had actually paid for a cleaner anyway.

I am really starting to feel for Snowy if the above comments are a generally accepted by society.

I guess the value of having a housewife/SAHM no longer exists for some . And I find that a real shame.

I work just as hard. My day starts at 6am and doesn't finish until I go to bed. It would mortify me, if my husband turned around to me one day and said 'thanks lovey for the dinners and washing my socks, but you are no longer needed'. I am not an employee, I am a housewife.

For the sake of all the family have made a joint decision to stay at home and keep the home running smoothly for the benefit of ALL the family, not for my own selfish desire to not go out to work.

RAS

Annie

I think there are a few flamers around trying to stir it. Suggest that you and snowy ignore them.

snowy63

I must say that, although there have been a few 'nasty' people on here, I have actually sat back and thought about my original complaint and that he doesn't 'owe' me the lifestyle that I was once used to. The important bit are THE MONEY WAS ACCRUED DURING OUR MARRIAGE, when my son was born my husband's business collapsed, I DON'T WANT MONEY TO LIVE AN EXTRAVAGANT LIFESTYLE, I want to be able to just function and, yes, that does include being able to go out and buy a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend, I DID HAVE TO GIVE UP WORK, to save our marriage or I would have walked as I couldn't work full-time and be responsible for a large house and family all on my own (in hindsight.......................maybe I should have just walked then), THE POLICE ATTENDED MY HOUSE THE WEEK OF XMAS, I don't want to start a whole new subject, but he has attacked me before and I called them before he could do anything on this occasion, and lastly, THIS IS ALL ABOUT HIM TRYING TO MAKE MY LIFE AS VILE AS POSSIBLE, I don't want £1K a month, I want to be able to not worry about being overdrawn, be able to have money in my purse, I accept I'm going to have to take a massive drop in what I was used to, but I'M LOOKING FOR A JOB, I'M GOING TO LOOK AT THE COURSES THAT HAVE BEEN SUGGESTED.

I HOPE ALL YOU HATERS OUT THERE NEVER HAVE TO RELY UPON ANYONE AND THAT YOU ARE NEVER IN THE NEED OF SUPPORT COS DOESN'T SOUND LIKE MANY PEOPLE WILL BE QUEUEING UP TO GIVE IT TO YOU!!

To all the other postiive messagees (hmm, think I just made that word up), thanks again, I believe in what goes around etc and karma.............that'll keep me going! Much love and good luck to you all, you've made me feel much more positive than I did this morning and I have truly learned a few lessons and have a few new directions to take : )

thorsoak

Hang on in there, Snowy ...and don't forget - when you gave up work - at his request - you no longer paid NI contributions .... therefore your NICs will only be at whatever rate it is for SAHMs of children up to a certain age when it comes to pension rights. If you had been working, you would have built up a pension - and you haven't been able to - so you need 16 years' of contributions to be added to any maintenance agreement

As for the "household" credit card .... is there anyway you can take some cashback each time you go to the supermarket ....to start stashing some cash?

Or maybe start e-bay trading with some of the "household treasures"???.......

You need to try to start what I've always called my "get out of jail free" fund ....