Future Ex Cuts Off All Financial Support

MrsAnnie

How long have they been married for? Is the son from the marriage or is it her son?

Rightly or wrongly, I think the answers may be a factor in the ex's behavoiur.

Caroline73_2

daska wrote: »

:rolleyes:

if the boy is 16 then he'll likely be getting through shoes at an incredible rate, he'll be used to a certain standard of living as well but there's no mention of the ex taking on that spending, any contract the OP was in before the allowance was withdrawn (she's already mentioned contact lenses, that can be a year's contract) - hows that for starters?

I was asking the OP what they needed money for not what other peoples speculation on what the OP might need.

Tamsin_Temrin

Looks like the OP wont be coming back and I dont blame her

And looks like OPs ex made her give up her job, so she was financially dependent on him to make sure she didn't leave. Now she is going, hes making her suffer the best way he can think of

OP - Ask at the Jobcentre exactly what constitutes 'living seperately' and if he wants washing done charge him and get receipts. Stick to the guidelines for seperate living and you can probably get Income Support. You will need to buy your own groceries, not sure about bills. Good luck - sounds like he is a right !!!!

daska

Caroline73 wrote: »

Packed lunches included in food shopping, and then CB to cover bus fare. What else does OP need money for?

Caroline73 wrote: »

I was asking the OP what they needed money for not what other peoples speculation on what the OP might need.

Caroline73 wrote: »

I would be surprised if OP has a mortgage - you don't need one when you live under a bridge.

Caroline73 wrote: »

No disrespect but he is paying all the bills, mortgage and food shopping.

Can you just clarify what other 'everyday needs' you have? Many people would be happy with £80 a month left over after paying bills, mortgage and food shopping.

For a moment I thought I had misunderstood your phrasing but as you also accused the OP of being a troll I don't think so...

snowy63

Hi everyone, thanks for most of your comments. My direct debits are £40 for contact lenses, £56.30 for an endowment which is attached to my retired parents' home and, which most of you will consider a luxury, £35 for a gym which keeps me completely sane. I can't put clothes etc on food bill as it is scrutinised. He was most insistent that I gave up work as he has no interest in bringing up children, cooking, cleaning, etc etc. That was what my allowance was for. Yes, it was an extraordinary amount of money and I don't expect that. My husband runs his own business and has a large income, we live in a huge 4 bedroom detached property etc etc. None of this is any good to me tho, the material side has been enjoyable but never essential. I had to borrow money from a friend to pay for my monthly prescription. My son has school dinners, he also wants a pound here and there when he goes out with his mates. Anyway, some of you get where I am, some of you don't. It just seems grossly unfair that with one fell swoop, because I dedicated my life to running the home and bringing up my children (one has left home now), he should be able to punish me by withdrawing all my personal financial access thus confining me to the home under his dictatorship whilst our divorce ensues. This, I'm told is likely to take the best part of 2010. Congratulations to all of you who can survive on £20 a week, I guess by the end of this period of my life, I'll know how to do that too.

daska

He's treading just inside the boundary that would allow you to claim housing in your own right - sounds like a right bully. OP, if you are still around, making you request money every morning is emotional violence, you'll get some sound advice and less 'be grateful for what you were getting, we're jealous' from WomensAid.

snowy63

just read the rest of your replies, yes i am still here, been busy submitting my CV online. The £1000 a month was for an extraordinary lifestyle, to pay for trips, birthday presents, clothes, nights out etc etc. All icing on the cake! I CERTAINLY DO NOT expect that to continue, I just want to be able to go out and buy a coffee with my friends, give my son money to get a McDonalds etc. I'm livng under the same roof as him as have no alternative. Meanwhile, he is spending money left, right and centre which, of course, is his perogative but I only require enough for a decent day to day life. Thanks for all the postiive replies once again, I'm totally exasperated by not just the lack of income but that, having dedicated my last 16 years (yes the son is ours and we've been together for 20 years and we're married) to the house and family, a man can destroy my everyday life in such a vile way. I've not gone into the psychological abuse as that isn't why I came on this forum. If you don't have anything positive to reply, please don't bother!

MrsAnnie

snowy63 wrote: »

just read the rest of your replies, yes i am still here, been busy submitting my CV online. The £1000 a month was for an extraordinary lifestyle, to pay for trips, birthday presents, clothes, nights out etc etc. All icing on the cake! I CERTAINLY DO NOT expect that to continue, I just want to be able to go out and buy a coffee with my friends, give my son money to get a McDonalds etc. I'm livng under the same roof as him as have no alternative. Meanwhile, he is spending money left, right and centre which, of course, is his perogative but I only require enough for a decent day to day life. Thanks for all the postiive replies once again, I'm totally exasperated by not just the lack of income but that, having dedicated my last 16 years (yes the son is ours and we've been together for 20 years and we're married) to the house and family, a man can destroy my everyday life in such a vile way. I've not gone into the psychological abuse as that isn't why I came on this forum. If you don't have anything positive to reply, please don't bother!

I suggest (and I am not being sarcastic!) take the blighter for everything he has. DO NOT move out! Get a real good solicitor and fight for your share of all the martial assets.

Hop on over to the DFW, post your SOA and they may be able to give you some good advice on how to manage. Sounds like you are going to be skint for a while until a settlement is reached - I had a huge support from family when this happened to me. hopefully you will have family or friends to go to for both emtional and financial support

Good Luck!

emlou2009

Why can your son not ask him for money directly if he wants it?

snowy63

PS all non essential direct debits ie charity donations, magazine subscriptions were cancelled immediately, as was my smoking habit!