I just do not know what to do

bank_of_slate

larmy16 wrote: »

And hide a few prawns in there somewhere for good measure!:D

chilli powder in the undies too!

a handful of enraged wasps wouldn't go a miss!
...Linda xx

maggied_2

shellsuit wrote: »

How come he hasn't gone, what's he waiting for?

With regards to the money, you'll just have to cross your fingers that he pays his share x

Agree^^^

Pack his stuff up in bin liners and tell him to come and get it. It's a horrible thing to have to do but will hand you some of your rather dented pride back.

It does sound like he's taking an awful lot on with this woman and her children but that's his tough ****!! It doesn't sound like the recipe for a happy relationship and I imagine he'll regret losing you when he realises what he's done. I'm sure you'll be on to better things by then though!

bank_of_slate

tinatony1 wrote: »

Thank you all again for wise words and comfort, it does help, and some of your comments have even made me laugh.

with regards to the joint bank account the good thing is he doesnt know the pin number or have a cheque book as i always was left to deal with the financial side (not very well it turns out i admit)

The thing is he hasnt gone yet, but when he does how can i then ensure that he keeps up his end of the bargain in paying the debts back, the ones in his name wont be so much of an issue i know but what about the joint ones.

he was talking about opening up another bank account to get his wages paid into before he gets paid again at the end of the month, if he does this i wont be able to afford all the bills as i dont know how long it is going to take to sort things out after the CAB meeting

You need to sort out which are the priority bills i.e house, council tax, utility bills.

Everything else (cards, catalogues, unsercured debts) can be sorted or paid by arrangement at a rate you can afford through either CAP, CCCS or Payplan.
Get yourself on the debt free wannabee board for help and support with this.

Complete a full statement of accounts on https://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html
...Linda xx

BilberryCharlotte

I have been following this thread and keeping my fingers crossed that it would all work out as you hoped, however it seems that now it may not. I can see that you have to sort the money/debt situation out sooner rather than later, but try to give yourself some tlc, you are in shock.

The OP`s on here have already given you good advice, move his stuff out and stay angry etc, but I read in a magazine a while ago how helpful it can be if you can do things that you may have liked but stopped doing because he didn`t like it. It could be things as simple as reading in bed with the light on, dunking biscuits, eating sausages with jam on etc etc. (My Mum actually loved the last option)

Of course none of those examples may be your thing, but maybe something is, so indulge yourself and see that being a singleton can be very pleasurable. Just be true to yourself and take care. x

tinatony1

thanks BilberryCharlotte, you are right i am in shock, completely and utterly and i dont know what to do i have never been in a situation like this before

larmy16

tinatony1 wrote: »

thanks BilberryCharlotte, you are right i am in shock, completely and utterly and i dont know what to do i have never been in a situation like this before

It's like a psychological punch in the stomach. If it happened to me again, I would definitely start smoking - I know. Thinking of you. xxx

Sweetsyd

How I wish I had known about this site when I was going through this! My ex (of 20 years) had numerous affairs before I woke up one morning and thought enough was enough! He'd been away on business and came back to find everything he owned in black bin bags. OK, so I cried buckets for days but those tears were nothing compared to the ones I cried when I initially found out. They were more tears of frustration at having been "taken in" for so long. Ten years down the line, I'm in a blissfull relationship where I'm cherised beyond belief! And my ex? Married again (although he said he never would) to someone much, much younger and now with a baby so he's starting all over again at the age of 50! And you can bet your bottom dollar she'll be in the same position as I was a few years from now.

Pollycat

Tina
I'm really sorry that things haven't worked out.

For what it's worth, I think it's probably a good thing that it's all happened so quickly with him saying it's over.
It would be much worse if he'd prevaricated and led you on to think that you could salvage the relationship, maybe going between you and his 'bit on the side' as so many men seem to do, only to finish it in the end - leaving you even more devasted than you feel right now.

At least now, you know where you stand and the only way is upwards and onwards.

Do keep in touch and let people offer practical advice on your financial situation when you're ready to face it as well as continuing support for you.

Take care.

MrsTinks

Post your SOA (the link as provided above ) on the DFW forum here It's amazing what things they can pull out the woodwork for you before your talk with CAB

You need to clarify what debts are joint etc to help them give the most accurate advice.

The sad thing is that if he decides to not pay then anything joint COULD be pinned on you (yes he'd have a damaged credit file but I doubt that he'd care sadly...) so you need to get cracking on that - and it'll be something to get your teeth into to keep you busy and stop thinking so much about him
He's a bloke - there are millions of other blokes out there - and some of them are pretty decent!

tinatony1

Well we had another talk last night and this morning and to be honest i am still not sure what is happening, i am getting the feeling from him that he may be having second thoughts
he even helped me prepare a meal last night, that hasnt happened in months

maybe he has started to realise what he is throwing away