I just do not know what to do

Pollycat

I do know how you feel when you say you want it to go back to how it was.

But even if he does decide to stay with you, it will NEVER EVER be how it was - simply because you will always know that he cheated on you and didn't even tell you that, for him, things weren't as good as they used to be.
He didn't even give you a chance to make things better, he went off looking for someone else.

Tina, even though a lot of the advice is coming from people who've been in exactly the same situation as you are right now and can see things more objectively than you can, you do whatever you feel is right for you.
Nobody here has the right to say what you do is right or wrong.

We all feel for you and will be here.

Take care.

tinatony1

I have been reading some of the other threads and realise there are many people in a similar or worse situation to me and i feel for everyone one of you.

however as each day passes the pain is getting worse and my feeling of helplessness is growing.

i am back at work but my immediate boss (we dont really get on anyway) seems to think the best way of my dealling with the situation is to keep pushing me to the bloody limit, (we are busy) she is not a particuarly understanding person in any circumstance, but this is getting me down, i feel so hopeless and helpless.

i dont know if i should see my doctor for some help, but i know that he ( my Hubby) will think i am giving up if i seek this kind of help and probably think i am trying to blackmail him and i know that doesnt matter

Part of me thinks i should try to carry on but part of me doesnt know if i can

hippychick1

Hi Tina

I've been reading your thread and I really feel for you. My ex was a lying cheating toad. Please please go to the doctors. I did, and was put on antidepressants, and offered counselling.

I appreciate taking pills may not be best for everyone, but it helped me get through a really really tough time. Even just telling the doctor everything may help you.

Take care
xx

kaz2004

tinatony1 wrote: »

I have been reading some of the other threads and realise there are many people in a similar or worse situation to me and i feel for everyone one of you.

however as each day passes the pain is getting worse and my feeling of helplessness is growing.

i am back at work but my immediate boss (we dont really get on anyway) seems to think the best way of my dealling with the situation is to keep pushing me to the bloody limit, (we are busy) she is not a particuarly understanding person in any circumstance, but this is getting me down, i feel so hopeless and helpless.

i dont know if i should see my doctor for some help, but i know that he ( my Hubby) will think i am giving up if i seek this kind of help and probably think i am trying to blackmail him and i know that doesnt matter

Part of me thinks i should try to carry on but part of me doesnt know if i can

I know things are awful for you, this has happened to me and it hurts. That sounds brutal and I am not being unkind. It is painful and awful. What you must try to do (and this is really really hard) Is separate yourself from this whilst at work. It sounds like you have an awful boss. Channel all your feelings away and do your job no matter what. You need the money. When at work forget him.
Now think about yourself. I had counselling from Relate. They were amazingly kind and made me realise it wasn't my fault just like it isn't your fault.
I have amazing parents who helped me, it sounds like your dad is amazing too. Don't be afraid to admit you need help.
I am rooting for you. Stay strong.
I HTH.

Lolt of love
x

nm123_2

I think Kaz's post is really good advice. Whilst I've never been in the same position as you, when I've had harsh personal stuff going on at home, I find that focussing on work and getting on with the normal stuff there really helped me. Sure I felt emotionally fragile and on the brink of tears the whole time, but seperating the two worlds really worked for me. Granted, it will depend on what you do for a living as well...

Take things day by day, minute by minute if necessary. Don't worry about the bigger picture yet - if it feels like to much to get your head around, it probably is. Take bite-size pieces and deal with the moment...

Good luck to you hun

larmy16

dont know if i should see my doctor for some help, but i know that he ( my Hubby) will think i am giving up if i seek this kind of help and probably think i am trying to blackmail him and i know that doesnt matter

Tina I am wondering why he needs to know? Come on hun, this is all about you, getting you through this and not what your ahem (not going to swear) husband thinks about it. Is he helping you? You know what you need right now? Grow some balls and show this man who is boss!;)

Seriously though, you do need to get help with this and it's not a sign of weakness or blackmail especially if you don't tell him of all people. Good luck.

tinatony1

everytime i wake up in the morning it's like its brand new information and i have to deal with it all over again

i really dont know if i can deal with this, i have been trying so hard but i dont know if it is worth it

i dont want to do anything, i am having trouble eating, i dont feel at all hungry and when i do eat because i know i have to it either comes straight back up or goes straight through me

larmy16

tinatony1 wrote: »

everytime i wake up in the morning it's like its brand new information and i have to deal with it all over again

i really dont know if i can deal with this, i have been trying so hard but i dont know if it is worth it

i dont want to do anything, i am having trouble eating, i dont feel at all hungary and when i do eat because i know i have to it either comes straight back up or goes straight through me

I really feel for you Tina. That feeling is the worst ever. I just don't know what else to say. Take care of yourself. xx

rjc73

Hi Tina,
I know completely how you're feeling. I feel permanantly sick and I feel like someone is squeezing my lungs all the time. It is a horrendous physical pain that seems to get worse every day for me. Please go to the doctor hon, I went the other night and even thought I just blubbered all over her I felt a bit calmer when I came out. She didn't give me anything but I'm going back in two weeks as she wants to see me again.
ALL we can do is take it day by day. I just keep telling myself that if other people can get through this then so can I and so can you.
Massive hugs to you. xxxx

larmy16

Tina, what is the situation now - is he still at your home? Are you talking to each other? Is he planning to go to the other woman?