I just do not know what to do

tinatony1

i found out earlier this morning that my husband was out with another woman last night, he told me he was working.
He has gone out "To Think", after i confronted him.

i am just so unbelievably broken that i do not know what to do.

he says this is the first time it has happened but how can i believe him

there is no one i can talk to about this, i feel so confused, so many emotions that i can barely think at all

MyRubyRed

That must have been a dreadful shock for you and I'm sure there will be all kinds of things running through your mind. Have you had suspicions?

Pollycat

Unfortunately there's been lots of threads in a similar vein recently - although I'm sure it won't particularly help you to know that you're not the only one going through this.

There's lots of people on here who are willing to listen - and even to share their experiences, it just depends how much you feel comfortable 'letting out' on a forum.

I'm sure you're going frantic, imagining all sorts of things.
Have you been having problems in your relationship?

Maybe it IS the first time, maybe 'nothing' happened, maybe he's bitterly regretting what he's done.

At this point, it would be good to make a strong cup of tea, sit down and wait for him to come back.

Take care and remember there's always somebody here to listen.

tinatony1

I thought everything was fine in our relationship, he says things have been going wrong for him for the last 6 months or so

He said he didnt sleep with her or even kiss her, i am just finding that so hard to believe as he was with her for nearly 7 hours,

he said they went for a drink then back to hers for "coffee". He was at hers for over 4 hours, thats a lot of coffee

he still hasnt come back

i just keep wandering around the house, drinking tea and smoking

this has shattered me completely

how can i deal with this

Chipstter

Hello there,

I think the only thing you can do is try to remain calm and focused and wait until your Hubby returns to talk to you. I can imagine that all kinds of scenarios will be going through your head, but until you hear things from your husband you cannot make any decisions yourself.

Try to keep composed (even though you are reeling inside) it will help you to understand what has been going on.

Good luck to you

trying-my-hardest

You must be thinking all sorts. I bet that reality is no where near as bad as what is going through your head though. So try to stay calm._pale_

Is there any where you can go? any friends or relatives you could go and sit with to try and take your mind off things until you have all of the facts.

I know how terrible you must be feeling right now, keep your chin up.xx

tinatony1

Thank you all so much for your kindness

you are right, so many thing are going through my head, i cant even think straight

i just hope that if/when he does come back he will talk to me, he is not good at that sort of thing, he the bury your head in the sand type

the most weird thing is part of me is angriest because he has spent money going out with her when we are in so much debt and i dont even know if i can pay all the bills this month

Steel_2

How awful. You poor thing.

If he had money to burn on showing a woman a good time it should have been you. It was you he should have been out on a date with on a Saturday night.

Thoughtless, stupid, selfish little man.

I'd be so angry right now I wouldn't trust myself near him when he comes back.

You be strong and stand up for yourself when he comes back with whatever fantastic story he's spent a few hours coming up with. Whatever problems you're having, he doesn't date other woman behind your back or spend four hours having coffee at their place.

You deserve more and better.

Take care of yourself.

evilmonkey_2

Tinatony, men are such idiots, even when they don't mean to be. Could it be that it is all perfectly innocent and he just didn't want to tell you? The reason I ask is that I used to go to gigs with a male married friend (his wife wasn't into the same music) and it was all platonic. Then I found out that he'd led her to believe that we were going out in a group when it was just two of us and she'd found out that it was just us and freaked out. Naturally, I wasn't happy about being cast in the role of husband stealer, and insisted she came out with us next time. When she did I spent a lot of time talking to her, but the whole situation just made me so uncomfortable I stopped spending time with him and we're no longer in touch.

Miss-Moneypenny_7

big hugs, thinking of you.

it is so crappy when your trust is betrayed and it can feel like the end of the world for a while, but you need to make sure you take care of yourself and try and have something to eat.

how did you find out? did he just come home and confess all or did you find something out and confront him on it. might seem like a strange question but if might help you decide if there is any future for you. if he was "found out" that is very different from him just confessing from his own remorse.

is there anyone who can be with you, a close friend or relative? it might help to talk things over and have someone there to keep you strong.

zaksmum

Big hug for you tinatony. So sorry to hear what you're going through. How long have you been married, and how old are you both? Do you have any kids?

Sorry to say that men are often very deceitful, and the old saying that the wife is always the last to know is very true, sadly.

My daughter was with her husband (a policeman!) for 7 yrs before she married him. She miscarried their first baby and he wanted to try again right away. During this time she found out he was sleeping with another woman behind her back and this slapper (who was also married with a 2yr old son) was pregnant by him. They'd been married 6 months by this time.

She honestly hadn't the slightest idea and thought all was fine between them. She had to sell their home because he wanted his share of the equity (for the slapper) who spent all his money then promptly dumped him for another man!

Don't waste your tears on this pathetic excuse for a man that you've had the misfortune to marry.

Seems he's betrayed your trust in the worst possible way - imagine how HE'D react if it was you doing that with another man!

My daughter divorced her scumbag husband and is very happy now with her new man who knows how to love and cherish her. You can - and WILL - be happy with someone who knows the meaning of loyalty! Don't allow your trust to be abused any further. Take a stand now.

Good luck.