I just do not know what to do

Pollycat

Hi there
You said he told you he didn't spend the night with her when he said he wanted time to think things over - did he say where he actually stayed?

I think that, sadly, all you can do at this time is to see what he says when you see him next.

I hope you Dad gives you a great big hug.
Just one final thing:
I know you'll want to pour everything out to your family (quite rightly) - but if everything does work out for you both in the future, things may be very awkward between your OH and family because of what he's done.

I know - I did the same thing and my Mum never spoke to my (now ex) husband again, even though we remained married for another 3 years.

Best wishes

Steel_2

You did something we have all done. Of course you rang him and text him a lot. It's natural to do so when you love someone and you've been hit with a bombshell like that.

But now leave him to have some space. Don't phone, text, nothing. Go silent.

I've been in a position where I needed space once and the other person kept on phoning and emailing me. It started to work against them because I felt hunted and then I got angry - I wanted them to respect my need for space. So give him the time, but in your mind set a deadline for when you need to know what is going to happen in the future.

I'm also glad to read you're angry. Some women don't get angry in this situation and they end up not being able to stand up for themselves. You seem to have a really good healthy sense of what is not on when it comes to the way you are treated by people and that will help see you through whatever decisions the two of you come to.

How are your finances split regarding bills and mortgage? Who contributes to what and do you have any joint accounts or credit cards? Really pleased that your Dad can help with the finances and give you some breathing space.

Keep strong and take care of yourself.

tandraig

hun - I wasnt being unsympathetic - just trying to see the best scenario. It could be your OH was unhappy, overwhelmed and felt that as you were part of the problem he needed an unbiased female point of view.
that said - he shouldnt have lied! I would be angry too if I were you.
just be careful how much you pour out to your dad - you may forgive and forget OH - but family wont!
I really hope you can work things out - but perhaps you BOTH need some space right now?
hugs anyway

zaksmum

I wouldn't worry about how much you tell your dad. Your head will be all over the place just now and you NEED to tell someone exactly what's going on...as much as you know, anyway. Tell your dad everything because every girl needs a big cuddle from her dad when she's an emotional wreck.

I got huge support from my dad when my daughter seemed a whisker away from doing something terrible to herself, when her scumbag ex husband couldn't keep it in his trousers after a few months of marriage. I had to be strong for my daughter but it was so painful to see her suffer so much. All my dad could do was listen and advise me, but that helped tremendously.

If you're lucky enough to have loving dad, he will be your shoulder to cry on and that's what you need at the moment.

So what if your dad does show his disapproval? Why should your husband be tiptoed around? And yes, you do need to get angry. Don't be his doormat - he has betrayed your trust and he should deal with the consequences.

But PLEASE don't grovel to him!

Pollycat

zaksmum wrote: »

I wouldn't worry about how much you tell your dad. Your head will be all over the place just now and you NEED to tell someone exactly what's going on...as much as you know, anyway. Tell your dad everything because every girl needs a big cuddle from her dad when she's an emotional wreck.

I got huge support from my dad when my daughter seemed a whisker away from doing something terrible to herself, when her scumbag ex husband couldn't keep it in his trousers after a few months of marriage. I had to be strong for my daughter but it was so painful to see her suffer so much. All my dad could do was listen and advise me, but that helped tremendously.

If you're lucky enough to have loving dad, he will be your shoulder to cry on and that's what you need at the moment.

So what if your dad does show his disapproval? Why should your husband be tiptoed around? And yes, you do need to get angry. Don't be his doormat - he has betrayed your trust and he should deal with the consequences.

But PLEASE don't grovel to him!

I do agree with you - I wasn't advising/suggesting/recommending that the OP NOT tell her family.
I was just pointing out possible issues later on.

Maybe I was a bit premature with that point at this stage of the OP's problem.

tinatony1

Thanks again for everyones hugs and advice.

there have been developments, my dad has been great, he has been able to help with a little money for the bills and even let me raid his house for things to sell on ebay

with regards to my hubby, well he has told that he doesnt feel anything for me anymore, well thats what he thinks?
Also he has said that this other women has offered him a relationship and that she is such a lovely person and they get on so well

what can i say to that, all i can do is cry and i have never felt so unhappy in all my life

shellsuit

tinatony1 wrote: »

Thanks again for everyones hugs and advice.

there have been developments, my dad has been great, he has been able to help with a little money for the bills and even let me raid his house for things to sell on ebay

with regards to my hubby, well he has told that he doesnt feel anything for me anymore, well thats what he thinks?
Also he has said that this other women has offered him a relationship and that she is such a lovely person and they get on so well

what can i say to that, all i can do is cry and i have never felt so unhappy in all my life

Ahh how nice :rolleyes: not.

Open the door, tell him to go through it and not to bother coming back when he learns that the grass isn't always greener.

What a complete and utter schwat! :mad:

tinatony1

the thing is i dont want to give up, i want everything to be better again like i thought it was 3 days ago

but at the same time i feel like my whole world has fallen apart

Dancing_Shoes

:mad: He is a complete ar5eh01e!!

Right you need to pick yourself up (easier said than done I know), contact your closest friends and obviously lean on them and your dad for support. Go and see cab with regards to your finances and also find out if you are entitled to any benefits (keeping busy and focused in this way will also help you to avoid crumbling). I agree with the other poster, show him the door, remain calm don't call or text him (however much you want to) and stay angry (trust me it helps with your recovery;)). Come on here for support and allow yourself time to grieve for the man you thought you knew but don't let him see this, he has taken too much of your heart already don't let him have anymore!

aligerdie

You're not giving up, you're moving on.

You deserve SO much more, please don't let him hurt you anymore than he already has done.

Sending you hugs. xx