I just do not know what to do

zippychick

zaksmum wrote: »

Big hug for you tinatony. So sorry to hear what you're going through. How long have you been married, and how old are you both? Do you have any kids?

Sorry to say that men are often very deceitful, and the old saying that the wife is always the last to know is very true, sadly.

My daughter was with her husband (a policeman!) for 7 yrs before she married him. She miscarried their first baby and he wanted to try again right away. During this time she found out he was sleeping with another woman behind her back and this slapper (who was also married with a 2yr old son) was pregnant by him. They'd been married 6 months by this time.

She honestly hadn't the slightest idea and thought all was fine between them. She had to sell their home because he wanted his share of the equity (for the slapper) who spent all his money then promptly dumped him for another man!

Don't waste your tears on this pathetic excuse for a man that you've had the misfortune to marry.

Seems he's betrayed your trust in the worst possible way - imagine how HE'D react if it was you doing that with another man!

My daughter divorced her scumbag husband and is very happy now with her new man who knows how to love and cherish her. You can - and WILL - be happy with someone who knows the meaning of loyalty! Don't allow your trust to be abused any further. Take a stand now.

Good luck.

Hold on a wee minute here- we don't know the Ops OH has actually done anything untoward . Correct he was spending time with another woman but that doesn't mean anything sexual happened . I genuinely feel terrible for the OP but let's not go beating him with the bad husband stick until we know the full facts

Contrary to popular belief, it is possible for male and female to spend time together and not get naked or kiss . Maybe he needed a friend (who just happened to have a vagina )

OP, i hope he comes home soon and yous can talk and sort things out. I wouldn't go jumping to any conclusions just yet. So sorry he was spending money socialising when yous are in such dire straights. Hoping yous can talk and sort it out. Big hugs.xx

tandraig

I wouldnt jump to the conclusion that he is having an affair. on reflection - you say that he thinks things been going wrong for some months......my feeling is that your OH spent the 'date' bending some poor womans ear about his marraige and how he feels and what he should do. if she was a nice woman i bet she sent him home with the words 'tell all this to your partner'.
obviously something is wrong - even if you were in blissful ignorance. I cant blame you for that cos if you arent told you dont know do you?
do you think you could sit down calmly and ASK him how he feels? where things werent right for him?
I am not in any way suggesting you be a doormat - just listen to him and perhaps work things out?
I for one would be inclined to believe him if he says nothing went on - THIS TIME.
if it happened again - well thats a different matter

toshkininny

Sorry to hear this. Can I ask how did you find out he was out with another woman?

poppyolivia

Sorry, does he know her, work with her???

zaksmum

Just can't help wondering if those of you wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt would be quite so understanding if he was YOUR fella!

Amber_Sunshine

He lied about where he was. Doesn't sound so innocent to me. 'Going out to think' sounds like 'Oh hell, I got found out and I need time to think up a better story!'

OP, sorry you've had this awful shock. Try to look after yourself and confide in a friend or relative if you can.

zippychick

zaksmum wrote: »

Just can't help wondering if those of you wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt would be quite so understanding if he was YOUR fella!

Yeah, I would actually. I'm not insecure enough to assume my partner spending time with a woman, means he's getting his jollies from her (not saying the OP is insecure)

Also, I am a female with a HUGE amount of male friends, and am often the female who is the one they talk to - as a friend. So i am witness to spending an awful lot of time with males, and no funny business going on.

Of course, he could be doing the dirt - in that case he deserves to be called all the B***ards of the day. Until then, I for one will reserve judgement.

OP, do keep us posted. Fingers crossed for you.

rachel6188

huge hugs hun, i hope you are doing ok, this is horrible for you. take care of yourself xxx

tinatony1

Miss-Moneypenny wrote: »

big hugs, thinking of you.

it is so crappy when your trust is betrayed and it can feel like the end of the world for a while, but you need to make sure you take care of yourself and try and have something to eat.

how did you find out? did he just come home and confess all or did you find something out and confront him on it. might seem like a strange question but if might help you decide if there is any future for you. if he was "found out" that is very different from him just confessing from his own remorse.

is there anyone who can be with you, a close friend or relative? it might help to talk things over and have someone there to keep you strong.

I found out in the worst possible way really, when he left "for Work" something he said just didnt quite ring true but i couldnt do anything , after he had come home and come to bed, after kissing me and telling me about "his work" that evening i woke up really early and i know i shouldnt have done it but while he was asleep i looked at his phone and there was a message on there from her which was lots of kisses, i then looked at his calls and saw that he had called her just after he left me that evening, so i confessed to him what i had done and asked who she was and it all came out, he swears he didnt do anything but

tinatony1

poppyolivia wrote: »

Sorry, does he know her, work with her???

She works at the same place he does, in a different department, she's not even younger than me for christs sake