I just do not know what to do

larmy16

How come he didn't "move on" when he was so unhappy and before he started a relationship with another woman.

He didn't bother because it was nice and comfortable and had you looking after his every whim no doubt. I don't think you have done anything wrong atall - but with every day that passes hopefully you will be able to see more clearly just how lucky you are to be free of him.

All the best to you.

nm123_2

tinatony1 wrote: »

dont think he will change his mind, this other women has apparently asked to move in.

i just cant believe that the man i have been totally in love with for 11 years is now being like this, did i really have it so wrong, have i just been stupid in giving everything to him, i thought we had a great life, apart from the debts that is, but everything else i thought was the best.

he keeps telling me i have to move on like he has, but whats the point, i dont want anyone else, ever

Tina, if it's any consolation, I think you were right to love him and give everything to him. You should be proud that you did a lot of loving throughout your marriage. It shows that you are capable of great emotions and have the ability to be happy, which is definitely not wrong.

He is now the idiot who has thrown this away and it's horrific that he's totally disrespected your love and trust, but he had done all this - not you.

Give yourself time to get over this, but don't give him time to take it easy. He clearly can't take responsibility for his actions.

Time to think about yourself now lovie.... Sod him.

maggied_2

Tina - no one thinks you're weak darling, and as it's been said above even the strongest person isn't strong in the face of a bombshell like this. Of course you're devastated and it's only testament to you that you gave him everything - that's what relationships are built on.

However I really do feel that if you allow the current situation to continue you'll be asking why no one told you to chuck him out - he's living with you and going out to see another woman. He's living with you and then leaving you there so he can go out on dates with her? To sleep with her? He's taking the p*ss honey - how you haven't buried a stilleto in the side of his head yet I don't know (I'm speaking metaphorically.....mainly). But I would have dumped his stuff at her house.

I know it's painful but please show him the door before you lose every last scrap of self respect you have.

Of course you don't want to lose him and it's impossible to turn your feelings off for someone even when they've betrayed you so badly - but you must find the strength to galvanise youself into action.

Even if he agreed to stay what do you have left? A bloke who does what he likes because he knows he'll have a soft woman at home who'll be waiting no matter what.

It's so hard and I'm so sorry that this has happened to you - I hope you have someone nearby to lean on - if I was there I'd give you a bear hug, hand you a glass of wine and then help you pack.

C xxx

tandraig

just caught up on posts from the last couple of days ...tinatony honey - I feel for you I really do. but....from reading the last couple of days post you know what I think? I think he is hoping that the status quo will continue.....you dont want to throw him out and he gets you at home and his playmate too!!! I can just see him thinking - once she calms down she will try to win me back in bed and wow - wont i be the lucky boy? does this thought make you good and mad? I hope so - you cant allow this to continue hun - or this is the scenario you will end up with.
bag his stuff up - or throw it out of the window - but do something otherwise you aint gonna respect yourself.
I am not unsympathetic - after all i did originally give him the benefit of the doubt - but he didnt deserve it then and he DOESNT deserve it now.
best of luck hun - and i dont take advising a relationship to end lightly - i know too well how much it hurts - from both sides.

consultant31

tinatony1 wrote: »

but i dont want him to go

i know i should but i cant face the fact that it is all over, my brain my head my heart wont let me

You may not want him to go, but you have to, so how about pretending you do? It's hard at first, but eventually, when the anger takes over, it will become easier.

I have a daughter who was with her boyfriend for several years before they got married. In less than a year, he had betrayed her and got another woman pregnant. Like you, she thought everything was rosy and that he was working extra shifts to pay his debts (not hers, the debts were from before they were married). She loved the very ground he stood on and her entire world was rocked when she found out.

She had a huge divorce party last week, just a year on and is so over him, you wouldn't believe. This will be you too, I promise. You will see that he wasn't what you wanted......the man you thought you wanted wouldn't have done this to you.

On a more unpleasant note, my DD found that he had left her with a very unwanted gift - chlamydia :eek: Do please get yourself checked out when you're feeling a little stronger. There are rarely any symptoms but it can leave a woman infertile among other things.

The feelings you have now are no different from those of other people in a similar situation and as they will tell you, the pain will pass, it truly will. As the saying goes, 'that which doesn't kill us can only make us stronger'.

Take heart from the many people here who don't know you, but do offer love and support x

tinatony1

The thing is its not that i dont agree with all of you in some degree but that i just cant believe its happening to me, not that i am special in any way that it shouldnt or couldnt, just that i cant believe it

i dont know if its some sort of wierd survival instinct but its like if i dont believe it it wont happen, it will all be some sort of horrific nightmare that i will wake up from soon

i just want to turn the clock back and not have looked at his phone, then i would still be living in blissful ignorance.

not very healthy to look at it this way i suppose but i just cant help it

Pollycat

Tina
you're just feeling exactly the same way that any woman who has been in the same situation has felt.

And me and lots of other people can tell you that it will get better - but I know that's not much consolation right now.

Just hang in there - I know it's not what you want but when he does decide to leave, you will at least know where you are.
As it stands, he's messing your head and heart about by not going.

Take care

shellsuit

Tina not sure if anyone else has said this and I hate to say it, but I hope if you are still sleeping with him that you are using condoms x

tinatony1

we arent still sleeping together, just sleeping in the same bed

i know its stupid

Pollycat

Tina
there's 2 stupid people in this menage a trois - and you're not one of them.

I wonder if this other woman who apparently wants him to move in knows that you're sleeping in the same bed.

And him! :mad:

How can he sleep in the same bed as you when he's been seeing another woman and intends to move in with her?

Tina
I think the sooner you start to get angry over the way this jerk has treated you and is continuing to treat you, the better.
Have you thought any more about going to the doctor?

Have you seen anything of your Dad over the weekend?