I just do not know what to do

girl-in-a-hat

tinatony1 wrote: »

we arent still sleeping together, just sleeping in the same bed

i know its stupid

Hi Tina, don't beat yourself up, I did exactly the same for 3 weeks before I moved out after I found out that he'd started seeing someone else - not that I would have ever admitted that to my friends at the time as I thought they'd criticise me and that's the last thing I needed.

Like you, all I did for days on end was smoke and drink tea constantly but you have to try and look after yourself. Do you have any close friends or familt you can call on so that you're distracted for a while? Even if it's just to just sit and watch telly together for a few hours in the evening - the only rule is that they can't talk about the situation? Failing that, try and lose yourself in a book - I found that a great way to escape for a bit and you can pick it up any time - lunch hours so you don't have to answer your colleagues questions etc. Slowly but surely, you will get to the 'angry' stage I promise you but if you need help from your GP please don't be afraid to ask or be worried about what other people think.

Take care xx

tandraig

why on earth are you allowing him in your bed? or even the house? tina hun - the longer you allow this the worse you will feel. do you even get any sleep? that wont help as you wont be thinking straight!
he wants out and you to move on? well, help him out here.........pack his stuff and put it outside or set fire to it! hun - this man is taking the P*ss.
you cannot move on while he is sharing your house and your bed!!! talk about him having his cake and eating it! see my earlier post!
another poster says virtually the same - now are you going to stop feeling sorry for yourself and thinking things will go back to where they were? they wont - its happened and you have to deal with it!
harsh? yes! but hun - you need the kick up backside! you are a lovely decent woman who doesnt deserve this - believe me! and as yet another poster said - does he now or has he used condoms? you dont know what he has brought home to you and i would ask gp for tests or go along to GUM clinic (number in phone book) as you dont know what he might have picked up and passed on to you!!!!

Juneno

Hi Tina,
I think you're still in shock about this whole, horrible thing.
While I wholeheartedly agree with all the others that you should start to show him who's now boss, I know it's not that easy.
However it will happen. You just need to look at the other threads on here where the same thing has happened and see how these women have felt exactly the same as you - only to become strong and independent a few weeks later. I know you say you still want him and I understand that - but be honest, would you/could you ever trust him again? No. You'd always wonder when he was on a night out if it really was with work/mates wouldn't you?
Give it time - but don't make his life as easy as you are! Be awkward!!
Go to the gp - he doesn't need to know so can't use it against you.
Good luck, you'll get there.
June x

Money_maker

Good post, Juneno.

You may find that once you take control of the situation you will feel a lot better. At the moment, he is controlling what he is doing and how he is treating you. You deserve more than this. Take control, give him until the weekend to pack up and go. Then start planning your future.

Its all in your hands - you can stop these games and weeks of future heartbreak. Time to accept what is and open a new chapter.

Good luck.

tinatony1

thank you for the posts

i really do not know what else to say or do at the moment but didnt want to read and not say anything

munkiemunkie81

Hi, I have been nipping in and out of this thread and wanted to post instead of running again.

I have been in a VERY similar situation. My marriage was pretty much done and dusted - yet I still slept in the same bed with him. I knew i shouldnt of, no-one understood but it was soooo hard to get myself out of that feeling of comfort and closeness to someone knowing that the only thing I had left was being alone. I'd lie there awake every night desperately not wanting to be touched by him but needing his comfort at the same time. A real conflict of emotions.

It took me a month, he wouldnt leave the bed - so I did, I slept in the same room for another month, he wouldnt leave the house - so I did. I packed up my things and our child and just left. When I left the bed he spent most waking hours out of the house and most of my sleeping hours too. The atmosphere crippled me more than anything else. The relief I got just from not being surrounded by that was immense.

My husband was the love of my life, pretty much love at first sight, I have never been so completely and utterly addicted to someone like that. Admitting that it was over was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, you grieve, at times it felt like I couldnt breathe, like I had a hole punched through my chest. (I'm getting that feeling now writing this). I went off food drastically because it stuck in my throat.
But making the decisions made me stronger - that is what you need. I'm a very different person now just a few months on and my H I just see as someone who is very unworthy of me.

My H was on his 50th chance though. I admit I wasn't strong the first time, the second or many times after that, he had to completely break me so that I would fight for myself. I completely understand where you are at and I just hope that you can get to feeling your self worth a hell of a lot sooner than I did x

It will get better I promise, you just need to come up fighting.

tinatony1

thank you munkiemunkie81, it was as if i was reading everything that is going or has gone through my head

he has told me that he will be going at the end of the week, starting to move stuff out slowly during this week and i know that it has to happen but the pain is so hard to bear

i just cant take it in when he says he doesnt love me anymore, why not, i would do anything for him, still would if he said he had changed his mind and was wrong.

i would forgive him because i love him

Lunar_Eclipse

tinatony1 wrote: »

i would forgive him because i love him

Oh Tina.:o

You need to focus on loving yourself.

I think things will get easier once he has moved out, because you will (be forced to) realise that you come first and need to start thinking about number 1; your survival instinct will kick in at some point. You're not in a position to do this with him around.

So the healing starts on Friday.

I know it's an incredibly sad and painful time for you, but when you're ready I think it's useful to look in the mirror and remind yourself that you only get one life and that you are in control of most of it. True happiness is possible again, but I'm so sorry for the loss of the life you loved. Stay strong; you can get through this.

Metranil_Vavin

You poor thing...what a total a'hole this man is :mad:

I completely understand that you love him and want thinks to be 'ok' again, but seriously...even if he came slithering to you on his hands and knees, apologising and kicking himself for being such a jerk, promising you the world etc, could you ever really trust him again?

Suffice to say he hasn't even done this, just arrogantly continued rubbing your nose in it and living in your home whilst he see's someone else!!!!!!

He's a waste of space hon....sorry but it's true, and you deserve so much better thank a few scraps.

I agree with other posters who have said you need to hold onto your dignity.

tinatony1

i dont even know if i am going to be able to stay in any sort of rented accomodation on my own as i will be at least £600 pounds a month short for paying the bills, and thats without taking any money for food or heating or anything else, thats just rent and bills

i dont think i will qualify for housing benefit as i have a good income, and because i am on my own i wont get any other sort of benefits