Childminder hit my child

poet123

I agree, that was why I said"for good or bad" in my first para.

milliebear00001

GracieP wrote: »

Do you really think it's only parents that feel like that toward children? Non-parents can feel all the things you've listed there. For example; change the world for them. I think here, the intention was to suggest that the intensity of feeling most parents have for THEIR child is unlike any other emotion. Extremely poor examples of parenting notwithstanding, most parents (I think) would lay down their life for their child without a thought. I love my husband and parents and siblings very much, but I know the way I feel about my kids is very different to this. No offense, but exactly what have you - as a parent, done to change the world? The act of having children changes the world of itself. Maybe in a small way, maybe in a huge way. I stand corrected if since becoming a parent you've attempted to make a real change to the world, but the vast, vast majority of parents do no such thing.

I'm sure there are things you have experienced as a parent that I won't get to until I'm a parent too. Yes - a huge number, that's the point! I believe it when parents say the love they feel for their child is stronger than anything they've ever felt before. I've been privileged enough to be present at the first meeting between parent and child a couple of times, and even as an observer the emotions in the room are unbelievably powerful.

But to tell someone they can't know what it's like until they are a parent and to dismiss their opinions is bull. De facto - you can't KNOW what it's like to be a parent until you are one, just as I can't now what it's like to be black, or gay. The point is not that any of these groups are the SAME, but they have aspects of their experiences that are common to those groups. Nobody has dismissed anybody's opinions as 'bull'. I have met some crap parents through my career who are every bit as stupid and selfish as parents as they were before they had a baby. Others who wish they could do more for their children but can't - because being a parent doesn't actually endow you with the ability to give your children what they need - 90% of the time an accident of birth does that. - But nobody has actually said this. Just that being a parent can give you a better understanding of other parents' experiences as you are more likely to have had similar ones yourself.

.................

milliebear00001

Tbh, I couldn't bear to have a child if I couldn't stay home with them each day. I'm also a huge advocate of home education, as I firmly believe that in many cases parents can provide their children with a far, far superior education than that available in schools. I intend to offer it to my children as an alternative to school if they prefer it.

To be honest Gracie - I think it is exactly this kind of comment that raises a wry smile from parents. People who don't yet have children are often extremely idealistic about it. They are often full of sweeping statements which parents feel are not borne of experience. I have been there myself. Becoming a parent teaches you that you don't always get to do things the way you planned, and that when you get there, you might not even want to! Poet's earlier post about her children's tutor at school is a perfect example of this happening in practice.

HariboJunkie

milliebear00001 wrote: »

Tbh, I couldn't bear to have a child if I couldn't stay home with them each day. I'm also a huge advocate of home education, as I firmly believe that in many cases parents can provide their children with a far, far superior education than that available in schools. I intend to offer it to my children as an alternative to school if they prefer it.

To be honest Gracie - I think it is exactly this kind of comment that raises a wry smile from parents. People who don't yet have children are often extremely idealistic about it. They are often full of sweeping statements which parents feel are not borne of experience. I have been there myself. Becoming a parent teaches you that you don't always get to do things the way you planned, and that when you get there, you might not even want to! Poet's earlier post about her children's tutor at school is a perfect example of this happening in practice.

Amen to that. :T

It's fine to be idealistic about what you HOPE to achieve when you have children but to TELL parents that you would never do as they are doing in a situation you have never been in is just naive at best and arrogant at worst IMO.
Parenthood and (although I'll be flamed by some) motherhood in particular in the early days is so bl00dy hard. I cannot bear to see pregnant women setting themselves up for a fall with unrealistic expectations.
I had some myself of course but I was also adamant that I would take each day as it came and do what felt best as a family, not what was written in a book. :cool: If I managed to achieve what I wanted that was a bonus. If I didn't...well....at least I knew I'd tried.

Bettyboop

JoeyG wrote: »

To be fair, and just to get balance to this, there are also plenty of parents who would have made a greater contribution to society by not having children... we all know the type I mean

Aha I agree. This could be an idea for a new thread...NOT : )

foi1983

Caroline73 wrote: »

I'd hazard a guess that it wasn't the lack of smacking that led your friends daughter into a life of misbehaving and criminal activity, but a lack of consistent rule setting and reprimand.

To suggest that smacking is the way to get your child to behave is absurd.

I'm disgusted that someone would smack a child so hard that they never forgot it. Surely it's better to reward the good behaviour than to scare them into doing it?

:T:T:T:T

Tell it as it is Caroline73!!!!

The reason why he didnt do it again was because your punch/slap (whatever you want to call it - it's all the same) probably scarred him for life. You probably scared the absolutely cr*p out of him.

Well done! Give yourself a pat on the back as you are doing such a great job parenting. You have taught your child that it is acceptable to be violent towards someone if they do something to annoy you.

galvanizersbaby

GracieP wrote: »

OMG! How in the world did you get that? I see parenting as just about the most important job anyone can do. Tbh, I couldn't bear to have a child if I couldn't stay home with them each day. I'm also a huge advocate of home education, as I firmly believe that in many cases parents can provide their children with a far, far superior education than that available in schools. I intend to offer it to my children as an alternative to school if they prefer it.

As for in your face? I've spent as more time running charity shops than I have in high pressure situations. There is nothing in your face about standing in a back room sorting through what is mostly rubbish. And no, I don't believe I've made any particular change to the world, I've changed individual lives, perhaps, directly contributed to changes in some laws, but the status quo of the world has stayed the same. I'm extremely jaded when it comes to world changing right now. All I want to do at this point in my life is raise a family, but I miscarried my baby last year and since the start of this year my husband has been extremely ill so having a family has been off the cards.

GracieP - I'm sorry to hear about your DH being so ill and things not moving on for you in the family situation.
I recall posting re my own miscarriage on a thread last year where some other poster's objected to some of your comments re me being a mother already so not being able to know how you feel.
As it turned out I had had a previous miscarriage before I was lucky enough to have my DS so I did know exactly how you were feeling at the time so I didn't take offence - I felt I knew exactly what you were saying because I had been in your shoes in that particular situ (the other's misinterpreted your post and you ended up feeling rather upset about it all)

I don't think/hope anyone's dismissing non parent's opinions as bull on this thread - but some poster's on here both parents and non parents are giving the OP some pretty harsh words about what she should/shouldn't have done in her situation - one of most offensive posts (in my opinion) has come from a non parent (I'm not going to quote it) who had no experience of parenting (ironically hasn't been involved in any of the bickering so far I might add).

At the end of the day the OP was brave enough to post and put herself out there - she has had a whole range of opinions/advice (as you would expect) - I only hope if she needs any further help she is not put off posting again

GracieP

milliebear00001 wrote: »

To be honest Gracie - I think it is exactly this kind of comment that raises a wry smile from parents. People who don't yet have children are often extremely idealistic about it. They are often full of sweeping statements which parents feel are not borne of experience. I have been there myself.

Do you realise how just patronising that is? Just because parenting was something which took you by surprise doesn't mean it does everyone. I've asked my mum about this throughout my life and she's told me that for her that was total nonsense. She felt how she was expecting to feel, she raised us in the ways she had always planned to. One of my aunts says the same. Both describe becoming parents as everything just clicking into place.

Whether or not things will turn out that way for me I don't have a clue. Of course I like to think they will, but while I'm a lot like my mum and my idea of parenting is pretty much the same as hers, I am still a different person - things could take me differently. I have fostered my 1 yo cousin, so I know what having full-time care of a child is like. Hopefully in a year or two I'll know fo sure.

warehouse

GracieP wrote: »

I'm also a huge advocate of home education, as I firmly believe that in many cases parents can provide their children with a far, far superior education than that available in schools. I intend to offer it to my children as an alternative to school if they prefer it.

Wonderful, more kids with no idea how to socially interact with their peers. School is so much more than just education, but there's no need for me to expand on that as you'll know already won't you?

poet123

GracieP, It is not patronising, it is a correct and factual statement. You cannot have first hand experience of anything until you actually do it. You cannot therefore have the same depth of knowledge or understanding, nor does asking someone else about it confer that onto you.

I may see a horse, and know roughly the sensation riding would bring, understand the basics of caring for one. but would I feel qualified to insist my opinions on horses carried as much weight as showjumper?, only if Iwas very niave and wanted to make myself appear rather silly. Equally, a showjumper would not have the same knowledge of my field. Parenting is no different, albeit a more emotive subject.

I might also say that your sig line is very telling.