Childminder hit my child

mishkanorman

Zazen999 wrote: »

You didn't make that point at all....

actually i did,

when i said this,

what this post is saying ~(IMHO) is that whilst you can be educated in child-care you cannot truly have the same understanding of the emotion side of things that kicks in when that child is 'yours' be it from birth or adoption. You would change the world for them , defend them against anyone and anything and die before you seem them hurt. The comment was aimed at people who feel they can understand parenting but have yet to experience it. Its not an insult to those who are unable to have children or who have adopted, its an observation of human nature.

it was in relation to a previous persons post regarding the empathy people may or may not feel and the ability to answer a question from a mothers point of view, I stated that your emotional side of things changes your perspective on things, ie your view point on a case such as the OPs will be viewed in a different way if you had/hadnt raised children. My friends who dont have children will often think things like "how can you loose your child in a shop" when in reality this can occur quite easily.


it has nothing to do with smart comments about some of the worlds worst cases of abuse,


mishka

missymugwump

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Just thought Noodledoodles post (cut and pasted below from top of page 11) might answer your question in case you haven't read through the entire thread

Hi Guys

First a thank you to all of you for your replies and the public flogging which was probably deserved on some aspects.

I have left my son with my mum today and have a list of childminders to phone around. I am not prepared to leave him with the current childminder.

I have contacted the childminding association and got their charter which clearly states smacking is not allowed. I am going to write to her and the childminding association to explain that he will not be going back.

I am absolutely distraught about the whole thing and really disappointed in myself that I didn't listen to him when he first told me. Even thinking about it makes me feel sick.

I will keep you updated with the new childminder etc.

Sorry I must of skimmed past that one

galvanizersbaby

missymugwump wrote: »

Sorry I must of skimmed past that one

Easily done on this thread!

Zazen999

mishkanorman wrote: »

actually i did,

when i said this,

what this post is saying ~(IMHO) is that whilst you can be educated in child-care you cannot truly have the same understanding of the emotion side of things that kicks in when that child is 'yours' be it from birth or adoption. You would change the world for them , defend them against anyone and anything and die before you seem them hurt. The comment was aimed at people who feel they can understand parenting but have yet to experience it. Its not an insult to those who are unable to have children or who have adopted, its an observation of human nature.

it was in relation to a previous persons post regarding the empathy people may or may not feel and the ability to answer a question from a mothers point of view, I stated that your emotional side of things changes your perspective on things, ie your view point on a case such as the OPs will be viewed in a different way if you had/hadnt raised children. My friends who dont have children will often think things like "how can you loose your child in a shop" when in reality this can occur quite easily.


it has nothing to do with smart comments about some of the worlds worst cases of abuse,

mishka

It is totally relevant, when we are told that we don't know what it is like to be mothers and can't possibly know how it feels, and yet mothers can and do commit the basest forms of abuse; when judging by the previous logic that can't happen due to the changes that mothers feel once they give birth.

It's not a smart comment; it is a circular argument based on the [flawed] logic of some previous posters.

mishkanorman

Well you are gonna have to show me the poster who stated that mothers cant commit abuse because i actually read the post totally differently, to me it is obvious that you cant know what something feels like unless you have experienced it.

or are you saying that just because you WANT to be a mother that means you have the same view point as someone who is,

its not like non mothers are being hounded out from this thread and being told their opinion isnt as good as someone who has had kids. it was an off the cuff comment made,


mishka

christinajanep

this is absolutely disgusting behaviour, as a fellow childminder i cannot believe her actions a stern voice at his level is good enough to get the message across without resorting to punishment. and those on here that agree with what she did you should all be ashamed of yourselves. she shouldn't of took her eyes off that child in the first place. get your son out of her care and report her to OFSTED immediately.

christinajanep

i also have to say it breaks my heart to think this poor child who had lost his minder and was probably scared was then smacked and frightened even more.

Spirit_2

My view on the OP's original issue.........borne of experience.

My DD is now 21, from the age of 4 months to 3 years she went to a child minder. DD adored the childminder and her family and they in turn adored her.

On arriving to collect DD one day, our childminder told Mr Spirit that she had smacked our daughter. Mr Spirit asked her what DD had done, when it had happened and why a smack was the solution. DD was playing happily and in no distress. The childminder, who we trusted completely made no excuse, explained what DD had done, and blamed herself for her action. Mr Spirit asked her to think about what had really triggered her response.

At home Mr Spirit asked DD about the smack, she gave a good account of what had happened that was pretty consistent with the childminders account. On being asked if she had been smacked before she said no.

We told the childminder that we were glad she had told us of the smack, it re-inforced our confidence in her that she had told us and that she must never smack DD again.

Childminder and her OH are amongst our oldest and closest friends, she flew from her home in the far east to attend our daughters 18th Birthday and DD spent 2 weeks with her last year, they text each other regularly and have a real bond.

Our trust and confidence was well placed........it would have been shaken, indeed broken, if the childminder had not told us or had attempted to absolve herself of responsibility.

Good Luck

Spirit

GracieP

mishkanorman wrote: »

what this post is saying ~(IMHO) is that whilst you can be educated in child-care you cannot truly have the same understanding of the emotion side of things that kicks in when that child is 'yours' be it from birth or adoption. You would change the world for them , defend them against anyone and anything and die before you seem them hurt. The comment was aimed at people who feel they can understand parenting but have yet to experience it. Its not an insult to those who are unable to have children or who have adopted, its an observation of human nature.

Do you really think it's only parents that feel like that toward children? Non-parents can feel all the things you've listed there. For example; change the world for them. No offense, but exactly what have you - as a parent, done to change the world? I stand corrected if since becoming a parent you've attempted to make a real change to the world, but the vast, vast majority of parents do no such thing.

As a childless person who has spent pretty much all her life working to change the world in a very real way. Who has spent her career working for NGO's, who has put herself in serious danger of the loss of freedom or physical health. Who has been beaten by militia. Who has spent nights frightened I wouldn't live through, listening to screams of people in the next building being tortured while the building I'm in has been surrounded by by armed military and our phonelines have been cut and the nearby mobile base station has been switched off so we can't call out. As someone who has sat with the family of a friend while working to get word if the bullet she has taken when she stood between a soldier and a child (who was not hers) has killed her. All so that we can actually change a world which is unjust and killing itself I call some serious shenanigans to that type of statement.

I'm sure there are things you have experienced as a parent that I won't get to until I'm a parent too. I believe it when parents say the love they feel for their child is stronger than anything they've ever felt before. I've been privileged enough to be present at the first meeting between parent and child a couple of times, and even as an observer the emotions in the room are unbelievably powerful.

But to tell someone they can't know what it's like until they are a parent and to dismiss their opinions is bull. I have met some crap parents through my career who are every bit as stupid and selfish as parents as they were before they had a baby. Others who wish they could do more for their children but can't - because being a parent doesn't actually endow you with the ability to give your children what they need - 90% of the time an accident of birth does that.

Bettyboop

I have to say this thread is certainly interesting. Although I wasn't in the UK at the time the fact this young boy disappeared for some time made me think about Jamie Bulgar.... (spelling). One has to be so careful these days and even more so with kids in crowded and very busy shopping malls.