Childminder hit my child

galvanizersbaby

GracieP wrote: »

Of course they should, I'd fully expect any decent childminder to do this type of thing with a child in their care. Possibly because I'd assume that anyone who decides to be a childminder would be someone who genuinely likes children and doing fun things that children enjoy is the best part of having children around. And I'd hope that the childminder and child would form a genuine affection for each other. Not that there aren't people who are only in it for the money (and I'm sure even the childminders who love childminding would quit if they won they lottery). Or possibly cases where the child and the childminder just aren't a good fit personality wise. But I guess it's the parent's responsibility to get to know who they choose to mind their child.

But I also see people in clothes shops with children all the time too, so that does seem to be a fairly normal part of family life. Part of childhood is learning to cope with things that you find boring and learning that life isn't always about moving from one great and exciting activity to the next. If the child is well cared for and getting a good family experience then the occasional trip to a clothing store isn't out of order.

Agree with what I've highlighted in bold only the OP's original post suggests that these sort of trips to clothing stores weren't that occasional - i.e. the child often hiding under the clothes rails.
For me and in my experience as a mother (apols in advance for offence caused ) going to the supermarket with young children for a relatively short shopping trip with a trolley and browsing for clothes in a store are slightly different with regards to the levels of attention required - especially if a young child isn't secured in a buggy/on reins etc...

galvanizersbaby

Zazen999 wrote: »

How does that explain baby P then - what emotions did his mother have that kicked in once she gave birth to protect him?

When this case was all over the news - there were comments saying 'as a mother I find this shocking yada yada'....my point is that you do not have to be a mother to find this shocking....and then the condescending comments came saying that of course, you can never have the same depth of emotion as a real mother....

Which brings it back to if real mothers have more emotional attachment and something magical and mystical happens when you are a mother - then why did Shannon Matthews' mother have her 'kidnapped' and locked away for weeks on end?

In my opinion I would not describe either of the people you mention as anything resembling vaguely human let alone a mother

Zazen999

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

In my opinion I would not describe either of the people you mention as anything resembling vaguely human let alone a mother

Precisely.....neither would I..but they are mothers, they gave birth - but that doesn't make your opinion [as a mother] more relevant than mine [as a non-mother]...

galvanizersbaby

Zazen999 wrote: »

Precisely.....neither would I..but they are mothers, they gave birth - but that doesn't make your opinion [as a mother] more relevant than mine [as a non-mother]...

I'm guessing you mean my opinion of them as mothers - i.e. what they did?
I have no experience as a mother of either murdering my own son or having my daughter kidnapped as I'm sure you don't as a non mother thankfully.

I do have relevant experience of childminders (abeit not much) and losing children in supermarkets though

milliebear00001

GracieP wrote: »

Of course they should, I'd fully expect any decent childminder to do this type of thing with a child in their care. Possibly because I'd assume that anyone who decides to be a childminder would be someone who genuinely likes children and doing fun things that children enjoy is the best part of having children around. And I'd hope that the childminder and child would form a genuine affection for each other. Not that there aren't people who are only in it for the money (and I'm sure even the childminders who love childminding would quit if they won they lottery). Or possibly cases where the child and the childminder just aren't a good fit personality wise. But I guess it's the parent's responsibility to get to know who they choose to mind their child.

But I also see people in clothes shops with children all the time too, so that does seem to be a fairly normal part of family life. Part of childhood is learning to cope with things that you find boring and learning that life isn't always about moving from one great and exciting activity to the next. If the child is well cared for and getting a good family experience then the occasional trip to a clothing store isn't out of order.

I agree and the most important part is that an OCCASIONAL trip to a clothes store with a three year old may not be out of order (although personally I can't think of much worse than clothes shopping with a bored three year old. It may be normal for some families, but it is something I very rarely do with my own!) There are limits to how much 'fitting in' with normal life a child can do though, and somebody childminding as paid employment does have a different kind of responsibility to a parent. The problem is that how I bring up MY child, may be very different to my CM. Our lifestyles may be very different. The not shopping for clothes thing is a good example of this. I think it must be very difficult to have a full picture of what your CM is doing with your child during the day, and even harder to know that they, and you, are on the same wavelength when it comes to the principles of child-rearing. The OP really needs to find one who has a lifestyle and outlook as similar as possible to her own, although how you do that, I'm just not sure!

Zazen999

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I'm guessing you mean my opinion of them as mothers - i.e. what they did?
I have no experience as a mother of either murdering my own son or having my daughter kidnapped as I'm sure you don't as a non mother thankfully.

I do have relevant experience of childminders (abeit not much) and losing children in supermarkets though

I'll just give up I think.

galvanizersbaby

Zazen999 wrote: »

I'll just give up I think.

I think you should start a thread on DT if you still want to discuss the mother/non mother chemical stuff further

poet123

I think an example of how a parent may be better able to empathise with another is something that happened to me some time ago.

To cut a long story short:-

One of my sons had a reply slip from school which the school sent out late, he had to return it the day after, I forgot to sign it in my rush to get 3 kids to school and myself to work. He got a detention, I spoke to Tutor(single, with no kids) and said it was my fault, and that I felt it was unfair that my son should be punished, especially when the school had only given us 24 hours to return the form and they had been late sending them out. He was adamant that my son would do the detention, I spoke to the Deputy Head (Married,5 kids). He understood how rushed a family home sometimes is in the mornings, and agreed it wasnt fair to penalise my son. Upshot was son returned form a day late and did not do the detention.

Fast forward 10 years, next son is starting the same school, same tutor is now married with 3 young kids. He stopped me and remarked on that incident, laughing he said he now realised where I had been coming from, and that having his own kids had opened his eyes to issues he had previously only guessed at. So, whilst having kids does not automatically make your opinion more valid on family related issues, it does give it another dimension.

This is not child specific, it can apply to any subject where one person is a participant, whilst another merely an observer.

Chas

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

She told me that on Friday they were in a shopping centre with the childminder's mum and my ds "ran away". They were in M&S and he was hiding under the clothes rails as apparently he normally does.

How does anyone know that the childminder & her mother were actually clothes shopping?

Where does it say this?

They were in M&S, the child hid under a clothes rail. They could have been walking through the clothes section to get to the food section to buy a bag of fruit for the child's lunch for all any of us know!

Caroline73_2

Chas wrote: »

How does anyone know that the childminder & her mother were actually clothes shopping?

Where does it say this?

They were in M&S, the child hid under a clothes rail. They could have been walking through the clothes section to get to the food section to buy a bag of fruit for the child's lunch for all any of us know!

She still lost him and then hit him.

Childminders, as a businees, would aim to minimise their expenses so I doubt that they are buying fruit in M&S when they could buy in a cheaper supermarket.