Childminder hit my child

Yorkshire-Lady_3

I am a childminder and would NEVER get into the situation where I did not know where a child was.
Ive been childminding 15 years, and understand the trust that a parent holds for me.
I respect parents and children enough to offer a home from home environment, but appreciate that my fee's are paid by the parents, therefor If I'm loving, caring and nurturing with each and every child, the child is happy, flourishes and never feels the need to run away!

I sincerely hope you can find a childminder you are 200% happy with. Nurseries don't seem to be having a good press at the moment, so I doubt that's an option for you.

Take care,
Kind regards,

Y-L x

jkmum

Sending you a big hug because this is a nightmare situation for you and I feel that some people's comments have been unhelpful.

We do what we can as a family to struggle through each day, emotionally and financially and how we do it is our business and no-one elses. You were after advice about your childminder and not your parenting skills and choices!

I think you've done the right thing looking for a new CM - smacking aside, what was she doing shopping for clothes and losing sight of him in the first place!

Some advice on looking for a CM - it's worth finding out if there are any CM drop-in groups in your area (like toddler groups but just for CMs) and asking them if they have vacancies. There's a few in my area and the CMs all get along well and often do things with the children in groups. I found this more reassuring than a CM who 'worked alone' in isolation. It also meant on the 1 or 2 occasions she was unable to work, my children would quite happily go to another CM. I found out by asking what their weekly routine is. Some I interviewed seemed to wing it day by day but others had set weekly routines with different groups to attend and activities throughout the week. Good luck & I hope you find someone.

galvanizersbaby

Yorkshire-Lady wrote: »

I am a childminder and would NEVER get into the situation where I did not know where a child was.
Ive been childminding 15 years, and understand the trust that a parent holds for me.
I respect parents and children enough to offer a home from home environment, but appreciate that my fee's are paid by the parents, therefor If I'm loving, caring and nurturing with each and every child, the child is happy, flourishes and never feels the need to run away!

I sincerely hope you can find a childminder you are 200% happy with. Nurseries don't seem to be having a good press at the moment, so I doubt that's an option for you.

Take care,
Kind regards,

Y-L x

I can think of one particular nursery that has been in the press recently due to a member of staff (mother of 2) being involved in child sex abuse which is truly shocking but I'm not aware of any other bad press though I'm sure it is out there.
Having read some of the posts on here and other threads involving childminders I don't regret using a nursery for my own children's care.
I don't think you can discount all nurseries due to a few cases same as you can't discount all childminders.
There are good and bad in both cases - you just have to find the right one for you and your child.

mamamia

DaisyFlower wrote: »

Smacking a child after losing him on a personal shopping trip is not my idea of a person I could trust. Coming from a childcare profession its worrying you think that what she did was fine.

Did you read my post at all? The childminder was wrong to smack the child but you have to give credit to her for being honest knowing fully well that she could lose her registration. I believe in the old school of thought that says that a woman gives birth to a child but the whole community looks after the child.

missindecisive

sounds to me like the childminder, for whatever reason, cannot cope with your child..get your son out of there ASAP. thats what I would do, sorry.

missindecisive

oh and !!!!!! is she doing out shopping with him? shouldn't that be left for her to do when she is in her own time? kids ..usually hate shopping trips, and soon end up bored., no wonder he was playing hide an seek.

GracieP

missindecisive wrote: »

oh and !!!!!! is she doing out shopping with him? shouldn't that be left for her to do when she is in her own time? kids ..usually hate shopping trips, and soon end up bored., no wonder he was playing hide an seek.

I can't believe people expect that childminders aren't supposed to get on with their lives while childminding. A lot of people have been comparing it to an office job, if they were supposed to treat the job as an office and concentrate wholey on the child the would be expecting a LOT more money. Especially considering the fact that they usually work longer hours than the parents and they don't get a break. Maybe I'm wrong, but do child-minders earn more than £350 a week for just one child? Because that would be less than minimum wage once you include over-time for the lack of breaks and time they have the child while the parent travels to and from work. It would also be highly illegal due to the lack of breaks.

It's a low paid job that fits in around their lives. It's not unreasonable that they would live their lives in a similar way to the way they would with their own children. As long as they are being responsible and doing any particular requests the parent has re- diet, tv, homework. The main problem with this childminder is that she should have made it her business to tell the OP exactly what had happened with the boy, not waited for the OP to call her.

milliebear00001

mamamia wrote: »

Did you read my post at all? The childminder was wrong to smack the child but you have to give credit to her for being honest knowing fully well that she could lose her registration. I believe in the old school of thought that says that a woman gives birth to a child but the whole community looks after the child.

She was not honest. She lied by omission in that he only owned up to smacking the boy (and losing him) when confronted by the OP. OP would have known nothing about any of it, had the child not mentioned it to his mother.

GracieP, I don't think people are objecting so much to somebody going about their normal daily lives, but I think shopping for clothes in M&S falls outside that description. 'Normal' shopping activities, like the weekly food shop or a trip to the local greengrocers/butchers etc, can be entertaining and educational, but a trip to a clothes shop is pretty dull for any child. having said that, we don't know how often this happened, or what other activities the CM did with the child. There needs to be a balance surely though? If the idea of a CM is a 'home from home' as opposed to a nursery, then CMs should be doing what a good parent would do - i.e. home-based activities like craft or baking, occasional trips to the park/toddler groups etc, as well as the 'normal life' stuff.

OP, have you had any luck finding an alternative yet? Perhaps (as your son is three) you might want to consider the nursery option for him now? Many children his age go and it can be great for them socially to have other children the same age around, although I recognise they can be less flexible than a CM.

Zazen999

mishkanorman wrote: »

this whole argument kicked off because someone voiced the opinion that its harder for someone who doesnt have kids to relate to what its like to raise them, and out of the woodwork came some mightily offended people who felt that just because they dont have kids they will still still have the same perspective on the matter (which is just daft)

Actually - and this will sound condescending - you really can't understand how mothers think and feel unless you are one. I never understood this until I had my first, it's hard to put into words. Something chemical changes in your brain and it consumes you, you change completely. I read somewhere before I had kids that the chemical changes in your body from having a baby last for years and years - even if you miscarry or abort - which I remember because it was a reseach article on abortion.


what this post is saying ~(IMHO) is that whilst you can be educated in child-care you cannot truly have the same understanding of the emotion side of things that kicks in when that child is 'yours' be it from birth or adoption. You would change the world for them , defend them against anyone and anything and die before you seem them hurt. The comment was aimed at people who feel they can understand parenting but have yet to experience it. Its not an insult to those who are unable to have children or who have adopted, its an observation of human nature.


mishka

How does that explain baby P then - what emotions did his mother have that kicked in once she gave birth to protect him?

When this case was all over the news - there were comments saying 'as a mother I find this shocking yada yada'....my point is that you do not have to be a mother to find this shocking....and then the condescending comments came saying that of course, you can never have the same depth of emotion as a real mother....

Which brings it back to if real mothers have more emotional attachment and something magical and mystical happens when you are a mother - then why did Shannon Matthews' mother have her 'kidnapped' and locked away for weeks on end?

GracieP

milliebear00001 wrote: »

If the idea of a CM is a 'home from home' as opposed to a nursery, then CMs should be doing what a good parent would do - i.e. home-based activities like craft or baking, occasional trips to the park/toddler groups etc, as well as the 'normal life' stuff.

Of course they should, I'd fully expect any decent childminder to do this type of thing with a child in their care. Possibly because I'd assume that anyone who decides to be a childminder would be someone who genuinely likes children and doing fun things that children enjoy is the best part of having children around. And I'd hope that the childminder and child would form a genuine affection for each other. Not that there aren't people who are only in it for the money (and I'm sure even the childminders who love childminding would quit if they won they lottery). Or possibly cases where the child and the childminder just aren't a good fit personality wise. But I guess it's the parent's responsibility to get to know who they choose to mind their child.

But I also see people in clothes shops with children all the time too, so that does seem to be a fairly normal part of family life. Part of childhood is learning to cope with things that you find boring and learning that life isn't always about moving from one great and exciting activity to the next. If the child is well cared for and getting a good family experience then the occasional trip to a clothing store isn't out of order.