Childminder hit my child

Bettyboop

Caroline73 wrote: »

He's 3, perfectly capable of walking. No wonder we have a generation of obese children if 3 year olds should be in prams!!!

That's extreme don't you think? Yes 3 yr kids can walk but obviously when they are in a busy mall or shop it's safer for them to be in a pushchair. You are having a laugh if you think a kid will turn out obese because he/she had to sit in a pushchair for a few hours. If you didn't know that's why we have the outdoors - where they can exercise. It's called the garden, the park, indoor play areas and your own home.

Stephb1986_2

If she was concentrating on the child enough she wouldn't of "lost" him instead she was too bloody busy having a good time shopping! This was her fault and there was no way she should of smacked him. She is supposed to be looking after him not shopping!

If I was you I'd take him to a different child minder, you must feel bad that he is unhappy when he goes there, I bet he's scared the poor thing.

I was smacked as a child and I haven't got a problem with it but that was my mum's choice to smack me not someone elses. She should of rang you and asked you to deal with the problem.

Steph xx

bigburd

Hello I haven't got time to read through all the replies and I apologise if this has already been mentioned. I am a childminder and childminder's like this make us all look bad IMHO. You mentioned that he usually hides under rails in shops. I assume she regularly goes round the shops with him. I agree with shopping with the children for their own snacks and craft supplies but clothes shopping? Unprofessional. Any trips out with children their whereabouts and safety are top priority and if that means reigning and buggying a wee wanderer then so be it. They shouldn't be on outings that bore them enough to make hiding from the adult entertaining anyway.

The main issue was the smacking though. I think you should report her to ofsted or the care commission if you're in Scotland. I'm a parent to four children as well as a childminder and I agree totally with your husband - I think her behaviour is unacceptable. I would not continue to send my child to her.

I wish you all the best as it must be really stressful time for your family.
x

lindsaygalaxy

I have only read the first part, but if anyone smacked my child, even if they were one of my family I would be extremely cross and would take him away from them. I don't agree with smacking and if my daughter was smacked a nursery nurse at her nursery I would be calling in social services.

If she has previously agreed with you before hand then it would be different, but im not sure how you can trust what she says, and im not sure now your son trusts her.
If she had lost her temper she shouldnt be a childminder, he is not her son nomatter how she feels about him and you dont know how hard she smacked him. There are other ways to punish a child not by hitting, you are his mother it is your choice not hers.

Also, if he had run off previously, it should have been brought to your attention earlier for you both to talk to him about it and set out the groundrounds and what punishment will happen if he did it again. Most kids dont like going shopping (unless its for them, lol) so no wonder he was bored.

I wish you the best and it needs to be yours and your OHs choice.

Enterprise_1701C

I have not read the whole thread but I realise that there are a lot of opposing views on this subject.

A smack is a reminder that what they have done is wrong. By running off he got everyone running around after him and got the attention he was probably after. At that age a good telling off is often forgotten in no time flat - obviously in this case a smack is not forgotten. He now knows if he runs off he will get a smack as well as the attention and this may make him less likely to run off.

If I were in your childminder's shoes I would now have him in reins every time I took him out - my son ran off once. One minute he was holding on to the puschair, the next he was not - he had gone outside the shop because he did not like shopping. I took him into the loos, made sure they were empty, then smacked him. He never did it again.

On the other hand I know someone that did not believe in smacking. Every time her daughter misbehaved she was told she would not go to the park. Every time they ended up going to the park anyway. Her daughter is now 22 and serving her first (albeit short) jail sentence.

mishkanorman

this whole argument kicked off because someone voiced the opinion that its harder for someone who doesnt have kids to relate to what its like to raise them, and out of the woodwork came some mightily offended people who felt that just because they dont have kids they will still still have the same perspective on the matter (which is just daft)

Actually - and this will sound condescending - you really can't understand how mothers think and feel unless you are one. I never understood this until I had my first, it's hard to put into words. Something chemical changes in your brain and it consumes you, you change completely. I read somewhere before I had kids that the chemical changes in your body from having a baby last for years and years - even if you miscarry or abort - which I remember because it was a reseach article on abortion.


what this post is saying ~(IMHO) is that whilst you can be educated in child-care you cannot truly have the same understanding of the emotion side of things that kicks in when that child is 'yours' be it from birth or adoption. You would change the world for them , defend them against anyone and anything and die before you seem them hurt. The comment was aimed at people who feel they can understand parenting but have yet to experience it. Its not an insult to those who are unable to have children or who have adopted, its an observation of human nature.


mishka

milliebear00001

Jane_Blackford wrote: »

I have not read the whole thread but I realise that there are a lot of opposing views on this subject.

A smack is a reminder that what they have done is wrong. By running off he got everyone running around after him and got the attention he was probably after. At that age a good telling off is often forgotten in no time flat - obviously in this case a smack is not forgotten. He now knows if he runs off he will get a smack as well as the attention and this may make him less likely to run off.

Not the point at all. The CM cannot administer a smack as it is illegal for her to do so.

If I were in your childminder's shoes I would now have him in reins every time I took him out - my son ran off once. One minute he was holding on to the puschair, the next he was not - he had gone outside the shop because he did not like shopping. I took him into the loos, made sure they were empty, then smacked him. He never did it again.

This is what she should have done in the first place if she had to take him shopping with her and knew from prior experience that he often 'hides' from her.

On the other hand I know someone that did not believe in smacking. Every time her daughter misbehaved she was told she would not go to the park. Every time they ended up going to the park anyway. Her daughter is now 22 and serving her first (albeit short) jail sentence.is that a joke? :rotfl:

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milliebear00001

Could it of been that the experience has somewhat embarrased him so in his anger he has lied or exaggarated knowing full well what your reaction would be to her and so in turn hoping he wouldn't have to see her again or maybe mummy will give up work and look after him instead? (especially if he misses you/your less strict?) The CM has admitted she hit him. The child did not lie about that, why would the rest of it be lies? Didn't the OP say her child was three? What kind of Machiavellian three year olds have you been around?!

Did you supply her with a stroller/reins/i.d bracelet and ensured she used them at all times if taking him out? The OP should not have to do the CP's job for her. Has it been drummed into him by you/his dad of what could happen to him if wandering off/steping into a road by himself? Again, isn't he three? Even thirteen year olds run across roads without looking sometimes, just because he knows a road is dangerous, doesn't mean he'll always remember that when he's around them.

Someone basicly said before (pages back) kids only know so much danger by that age or there abouts. That's ******, they know as much as their parents warn them about. Sorry, but if you really think a three year old can be given the same responsibility for their personal safety as (for example) an eight year old, then it's you that's talking *******. It was the CM that was at fault here. I find it astonishing that you could attempt to blame a three year old for an adult 'losing him' in a shopping centre.

peachyprice

Jane_Blackford wrote: »

I have not read the whole thread but I realise that there are a lot of opposing views on this subject.

A smack is a reminder that what they have done is wrong. By running off he got everyone running around after him and got the attention he was probably after. At that age a good telling off is often forgotten in no time flat - obviously in this case a smack is not forgotten. He now knows if he runs off he will get a smack as well as the attention and this may make him less likely to run off.
.

It is illegal for a childminder to smack a child, regardless of what they have done, it's not open for discussion, end of.

adouglasmhor

OrkneyStar wrote: »

It is not condescending, it is true in a sense.
You cannot understand what it is like to have your own child until you do, in this I mean the child being your child (biological or adoptive!). This does not mean you are incompetent looking after a child if you don't have any of your own, of course not! You can be a great Auntie, Cousin, Sister, Childminder, teacher etc to that child, but it is not the same as that child being 'your' child.
This is not meant to offend anyone, especially those who cannot have their own children, or those who work tirelessly with children!

I was a carp dad until my boy was taken very ill when he was about 3; I grew up very quickly when he was in high dependency in the Sick kid’s hospital in Glasgow. I also have a mate who was exactly the same and the same thing happened to him. (his kid took meningitis at 5 years old - his GF left him for another woman).

Both of us were separated from our kids and exes before they were born (my GF went back to her husband – who she had left to be with me, she was a good bit older than me and I think the initial rush had worn off and she realised what she had given up, her hubby did most of the raising of my son and I cannot praise him highly enough, he was 100 times the man I was at the time, he also never shut me out of my son's life even though I was a total ).

But like I say I did not have any real parental feelings till I saw him at death’s door (is the stress of hospital etc. what ties you? I don't know). Now he is 30 years old, I see him regularly (I fixed his computer for him last night), he lives most of the time with his Step dad (his mum’s now ex-hubby) and he also sees his mum’s ex after that and calls him dad as well. ~ (All three “dad”s get on well and we all still get on with his mum too. (Though we all know if he starts a conversation and calls you “dad” in the first sentence – he is after something )
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