Childminder hit my child

milliebear00001

I think that KellyWelly is suggesting not that childless adults have a less good relationship with children, but that they may have a different relationship with parents. She is suggesting that parents have an understanding of the pressures and joys of parenting in a way that childless people do not, simply because they have no experience of it.

I am a teacher too and have worked with colleagues who have kids, and who don't. In terms of their ability to teach, and their relationships with children, I have observed no difference at all - in fact some of the best have been childless. Anecdotally though, I think the teachers who were parents were, overall, less likely to make judegements about the parents of the children they taught, and were more understanding of the common stresses and pressures that being a parent entails. I am not saying a childless adult cannot have empathy for a parent, but I do think it's easier to understand what it's like if you've been there yourself.

dizziblonde

Yes I do feel insulted. Yes I do feel judged as a professional who works with children because I don't have any. I doubt you can imagine that feels as someone going through infertility treatment.

consultant31

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I am not for one minute suggesting it is a soft option - which is why I'm not a believer that it's a suitable profession for just anyone with children looking to generate extra income.
The many rules and regulations are not always followed as the OP's post
demonstrates.
The childminder I know has a 3 bed house but the actual living area space is tiny and she is still allowed to care for (in my opinion) too many children besides the 2 she already has.
She always has her max number of places filled regardless of the fact that unless she takes them all out in her 7 seater car they are all crushed in like sardines - it's income she is used to having.

I'm sure most childminders aren't like this just the ones I've encountered in the short time I've had my children.

The maximum number of children a childminder can look after is set by Ofsted and is made according to the room available, and this doesn't include upstairs rooms (correct me if I'm wrong). Presumably Ofsted know what they're doing and wouldn't attempt to allow someone to look after more children than they could cope with (or have the space to cope with).

They aren't allowed to look after more than six under 8 year olds on their own and this includes her own children. Of these no more than 3 can be under five and only 1 can be under one.

They shouldn't be 'crushed' into any vehicle without proper seats and seatbelts and if you know a CM who isn't doing the right thing, in this instance, I would think seriously about reporting them, it could be very dangerous

galvanizersbaby

dizziblonde wrote: »

Yes I do feel insulted. Yes I do feel judged as a professional who works with children because I don't have any. I doubt you can imagine that feels as someone going through infertility treatment.

I am sorry you feel insulted and judged in this way.
I don't have any experience in your situation but just wanted to say I am sorry you are feeling this way and I hope your treatment is successful x

galvanizersbaby

consultant31 wrote: »

The maximum number of children a childminder can look after is set by Ofsted and is made according to the room available, and this doesn't include upstairs rooms (correct me if I'm wrong). Presumably Ofsted know what they're doing and wouldn't attempt to allow someone to look after more children than they could cope with (or have the space to cope with).

They aren't allowed to look after more than six under 8 year olds on their own and this includes her own children. Of these no more than 3 can be under five and only 1 can be under one.

They shouldn't be 'crushed' into any vehicle without proper seats and seatbelts and if you know a CM who isn't doing the right thing, in this instance, I would think seriously about reporting them, it could be very dangerous

This particular childminder doesn't look after more than six under 8's on her own but I happen to think this is an awful lot of young children for one person to handle - though admittedly some do this better than others.

As I mentioned she has a 7 seater vehicle with proper seats and seatbelts etc...so is not breaking the law in any way so nothing to report her for.

Just in my opinion it is quite difficult to have this amount of children at one time in a small house or out and about - it would hardly surprise me if there was an incident due to her taking her eye off the ball for a second so to speak.

But as you say Ofsted make the rules and regulations

consultant31

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

This particular childminder doesn't look after more than six under 8's on her own but I happen to think this is an awful lot of young children for one person to handle - though admittedly some do this better than others.

As I mentioned she has a 7 seater vehicle with proper seats and seatbelts etc...so is not breaking the law in any way so nothing to report her for.

Just in my opinion it is quite difficult to have this amount of children at one time in a small house or out and about - it would hardly surprise me if there was an incident due to her taking her eye off the ball for a second so to speak.

But as you say Ofsted make the rules and regulations

I admit it's not my idea of a job made in heaven :rotfl:

OrkneyStar

KellyWelly wrote: »

Actually - and this will sound condescending - you really can't understand how mothers think and feel unless you are one. I never understood this until I had my first, it's hard to put into words. Something chemical changes in your brain and it consumes you, you change completely. I read somewhere before I had kids that the chemical changes in your body from having a baby last for years and years - even if you miscarry or abort - which I remember because it was a reseach article on abortion.

That being said, we are all humans and we all have instincts and everyone 'counts', what I think is meant by 'as a mother...' is that they have a certain empathy because they are in the same position.

It is not condescending, it is true in a sense.
You cannot understand what it is like to have your own child until you do, in this I mean the child being your child (biological or adoptive!). This does not mean you are incompetent looking after a child if you don't have any of your own, of course not! You can be a great Auntie, Cousin, Sister, Childminder, teacher etc to that child, but it is not the same as that child being 'your' child.
This is not meant to offend anyone, especially those who cannot have their own children, or those who work tirelessly with children!

hayley11

KellyWelly wrote: »

Actually - and this will sound condescending - you really can't understand how mothers think and feel unless you are one. I never understood this until I had my first, it's hard to put into words. Something chemical changes in your brain and it consumes you, you change completely. I read somewhere before I had kids that the chemical changes in your body from having a baby last for years and years - even if you miscarry or abort - which I remember because it was a reseach article on abortion.

What a load of rubbish. So you give birth, have the chemical change you referred to, then hey presto you're a better mother than people that have had children through adoption/surrogacy? :rolleyes: This is so offensive and i'm amazed that you can't see why.

I'm not a mother but when my nephew was born and up until he was about 5, I was his main carer and he got lost in a shop one day and I guarantee you I felt as scared and upset as any mother.

Back to the OP - I agree with a lot of posts on here, a few things concern me but mainly your lack of dealing with it properly concerned me the most. If I found out somebody has smacked my child I would have dealt with it there and then. Not posted on a forum and then dilly dallied over it for a couple of days. I'm glad you've now taken him away from that childminder but I still feel you should have dealt with it earlier. You are supposed to protect your child and you put him in a situation where he was, potentially at risk and unhappy.

galvanizersbaby

hayley11 wrote: »

What a load of rubbish. So you give birth, have the chemical change you referred to, then hey presto you're a better mother than people that have had children through adoption/surrogacy? :rolleyes: This is so offensive and i'm amazed that you can't see why.

I'm not a mother but when my nephew was born and up until he was about 5, I was his main carer and he got lost in a shop one day and I guarantee you I felt as scared and upset as any mother.

Back to the OP - I agree with a lot of posts on here, a few things concern me but mainly your lack of dealing with it properly concerned me the most. If I found out somebody has smacked my child I would have dealt with it there and then. Not posted on a forum and then dilly dallied over it for a couple of days. I'm glad you've now taken him away from that childminder but I still feel you should have dealt with it earlier. You are supposed to protect your child and you put him in a situation where he was, potentially at risk and unhappy.

I think you have misinterpreted KellyWelly's post - I don't think she is saying that the chemical changes when you give birth make you are a better mother than someone who has had children through adoption/surrogacy - if you re read her later posts she makes that clear.

Re your harsh comments directed at the OP - I expect that has most most helpful to her and has made her feel a lot better about the situation.
Still once you are a parent I don't suppose you will ever make a mistake and be able to deal with all issues arising effectively :rolleyes:

Anyhow glad your on the way to resolving this now OP

hayley11

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I think you have misinterpreted KellyWelly's post - I don't think she is saying that the chemical changes when you give birth make you are a better mother than someone who has had children through adoption/surrogacy - if you re read her later posts she makes that clear.

Re your harsh comments directed at the OP - I expect that has most most helpful to her and has made her feel a lot better about the situation.
Still once you are a parent I don't suppose you will ever make a mistake and be able to deal with all issues arising effectively :rolleyes:

Anyhow glad your on the way to resolving this now OP

Reading kellywelly's original post that I quoted, it's quite hard to take it any other way. I know she backtracked because people criticised her. It was offensive to some people, myself included.

And every person on this thread has given an opinion and judgement on this situation so I gave mine. It did concern me a lot that she didn't deal with it a lot quicker than she did and it seems that it was her OH that was the one that pushed her into doing anything at all. MY opinion and one I am entitled to. And believe it or not, in this situation, the OP's feeling were not my main concern, the child was.

And I never said I wouldn't make a mistake and I know everybody makes mistakes, but I just hope that if i'm a situation where I feel my child isn't safe, i'll do somthing to resolve it striaght away.