Childminder hit my child

anonymousie

MrsTine wrote: »

I'd say there were 2 issues here you need to address (and not by telling your son that he should tell you if she tries to smack him again!)
First you agree with your childminder that she does not smack your child again - no if's or but's - you understand why she did it but you prefer her to not punish him in that manner again.
Second you make clear to him that running off is NOT acceptable and he deserved a smacked bum. If he can't behave like a "big boy" then he doesn't get to go out to shops and certainly doesn't get to go on rides!
If between you and the childminder you can't come to an agreement about how to diciplin your child then you find a new childminder - simple

And thirdly, and I don't know how to put this gently, but it is so important it needs to be said- believe your child! Especially when his body language and behaviour are in concordance with what he is saying- a sad scared boy, saying he has been smacked is different from a little minx making stuff up to get someone into trouble or fantasising- generally, at thisage they haven't the nouse to do anything other than giggle and still look perfectly happy if they are fibbing....

If you don't believe your child when he says his CM is smacking him (and the CM doesn't really seem to see much wrong with this, which is a big problem) then how do expect him to tell you if he is bulliued at school, or worse still, god forbid, ever abused or hurt by someone (yes I know smaking can be seen as abuse too) particularly, as in a situation where he might be abusedf the abuser is statistically most likely to be a "trusted person" or family member.

foi1983

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

The fact that my parents pick up my child for me when they finish work is really not the issue.

The childminder is registered and fully qualified and insured. References were taken when we first employed her.

I am well aware of my child's behaviour. I only stated that the hiding under the railing was not something I had witnessed nor would it be something I would welcome

Hello again Noodle. I hope your son is okay and you and your OH.

When I read your first post it upset me alot and the child isnt even mine, so only God knows how bad you're feeling.

May I ask you something...do you or your OH smack the child? I ask this because you may be scared that if you report her she may turn around and report you. If I am talking absolute rubbish, please accept my apologies.

I am glad that you have taken your son to your mum's. You said that you looked for another childminder yesterday. Did you have any luck?

Have you thought about putting him in nursery? I personally would feel my child was alot safer in a nursery than a childminder's. Is cost an issue?

Take care!

galvanizersbaby

consultant31 wrote: »

As far as I know, it's not a soft option, choosing to be a childminder. The rules and regulations are many and vatied and they are monitored carefully, by Ofsted. They have to follow Early Years framework, attend regular meetings, keep up-to-date with first-aid training etc, etc. They are only allowed a certain number of children, dependant on the room available.

I am not for one minute suggesting it is a soft option - which is why I'm not a believer that it's a suitable profession for just anyone with children looking to generate extra income.
The many rules and regulations are not always followed as the OP's post
demonstrates.
The childminder I know has a 3 bed house but the actual living area space is tiny and she is still allowed to care for (in my opinion) too many children besides the 2 she already has.
She always has her max number of places filled regardless of the fact that unless she takes them all out in her 7 seater car they are all crushed in like sardines - it's income she is used to having.

I'm sure most childminders aren't like this just the ones I've encountered in the short time I've had my children.

KellyWelly

Zazen999 wrote: »

Yes, it is condescending.

I lost mine unfortunately - but I don't condescend to others who don't lose babies.

You don't have to be a mother to have a problem with pedophiles/abusers etc etc - but your post shows just how insulting people can be to those that aren't.

My post wasn't insulting at all, I am just stating something that is obvious. I work with children and I work with women who haven't had children and I would never suggest they aren't as able and capable as others who have because it's simply not true.

My post sounded condescending to you because that is how you chose to read it, I said it was going to sound that way because I knew people would read into it.

Whether you like it or not mothers do have empathy for other mothers and for children that it is harder for childless women to have in the same way I have empathy for you having lost a child as I have lost two of my own - a woman who has never been through that will find it hard to have empathy for either of us - not impossible, hard.

All that being said, I will reiterate what I originally said - we are all humans and we all have instinct. It is instinctive to feel repulsion at child abusers and murderers etc because it is in our human instinct and nature to protect and shield children.

Craftyscholar

KellyWelly wrote: »

Actually - and this will sound condescending - you really can't understand how mothers think and feel unless you are one. I never understood this until I had my first, it's hard to put into words. Something chemical changes in your brain and it consumes you, you change completely. I read somewhere before I had kids that the chemical changes in your body from having a baby last for years and years - even if you miscarry or abort - which I remember because it was a reseach article on abortion.

That being said, we are all humans and we all have instincts and everyone 'counts', what I think is meant by 'as a mother...' is that they have a certain empathy because they are in the same position.

So you presumably would not allow adoption because the 'woman who has not given birth' would be incapable of acting as a mother to the child.

As the adopted child of two very loving caring parents I find your attitude deeply offensive.

galvanizersbaby

dizziblonde wrote: »

As someone suffering from fertility issues and also a qualified teacher - can I just state how offensive and distressing I found the comments earlier in the thread that people who haven't had children can't possibly be good people to look after other people's children? My problems with my plumbing do not in any way shape of form qualify or disqualify me from my ability to do my job. It's a regular comment people make, without thought for those who may be childless for reasons you cannot know (and not always because they'd rather blow all their money on booze, flash cars, fast living and baking on a beach half the year) and it really really really offends and upsets me greatly. Now you may resume the public flogging or whatever you've decided to do.

I must have missed those comments - I do see where your coming from - I have a friend in similar situ to you - she is the manageress of a day nursery but unfortunately she has become very bitter of late and judges the parents of the children in the nursery) but it is true people seem to assume she is happy to be childless when she is not.

To be fair I do see a lot of threads on here where people that don't have children yet or that are pregnant being very condensending towards mothers and dispensing an awful lot of advice regards 'what they would do in given situation' and where they are going wrong so to speak when it is fairly clear to others that they have no experience of being in that situation - not saying they haven't the right to an opinion but some do tend to make their points fairly aggressively which can be a tad offensive - I am wondering if these sort of posts are what KellyWelly had in mind?

KellyWelly

Craftyscholar wrote: »

So you presumably would not allow adoption because the 'woman who has not given birth' would be incapable of acting as a mother to the child.

As the adopted child of two very loving caring parents I find your attitude deeply offensive.

Of course not, that is not what I said and it is a ridiculous thing to say. All I said was people who do not have children do not have the same understanding and empathy as people who do - that is hardly an outrageous revelation. If you have no experience of something, you don't know what it's like.

I think with all due respect everyone who is jumping on the 'I'm deeply offended' bandwagon is projecting something onto me that I haven't expressed and I certainly don't feel. I am from an adoptive family myself and I certainly felt loved and learned how to be a mum (a good one I hope) even though I wasn't biologically related to all of my relatives.

I was just trying to point out that there is some truth in it when somebody says 'as a mother...', not complete truth, SOME truth and by its very nature you can't understand it unless you've been through it, that's not an insult or a dismissal, that's a fact of life. My husband lost his leg in a car accident, I've seen him go through it and I have somewhat of an understanding - more than an outsider, but ultimately I don't get it because I didn't go through it. It's not an insult to me and it doesn't mean I can't comment on disability issues but it does mean I am not an authority on it.

jellyhead

My children have been with nursery or school teachers who are childless and they've always been great - if fact the teacher who's most popular at school (with the children) is a childless young woman. My boy's favourite staff at his nursery haven't had children of their own yet.

This thread reminded me of bill bailey's sketch 'speaking as a mother ...' lol!

noodledoodle78

Hi Guys

First a thank you to all of you for your replies and the public flogging which was probably deserved on some aspects.

I have left my son with my mum today and have a list of childminders to phone around. I am not prepared to leave him with the current childminder.

I have contacted the childminding association and got their charter which clearly states smacking is not allowed. I am going to write to her and the childminding association to explain that he will not be going back.

I am absolutely distraught about the whole thing and really disappointed in myself that I didn't listen to him when he first told me. Even thinking about it makes me feel sick.

I will keep you updated with the new childminder etc.

JoeyG

KellyWelly wrote: »

Of course not, that is not what I said and it is a ridiculous thing to say. All I said was people who do not have children do not have the same understanding and empathy as people who do - that is hardly an outrageous revelation. If you have no experience of something, you don't know what it's like.

I think with all due respect everyone who is jumping on the 'I'm deeply offended' bandwagon is projecting something onto me that I haven't expressed and I certainly don't feel. I am from an adoptive family myself and I certainly felt loved and learned how to be a mum (a good one I hope) even though I wasn't biologically related to all of my relatives.

I was just trying to point out that there is some truth in it when somebody says 'as a mother...', not complete truth, SOME truth and by its very nature you can't understand it unless you've been through it, that's not an insult or a dismissal, that's a fact of life. My husband lost his leg in a car accident, I've seen him go through it and I have somewhat of an understanding - more than an outsider, but ultimately I don't get it because I didn't go through it. It's not an insult to me and it doesn't mean I can't comment on disability issues but it does mean I am not an authority on it.

by the same token though, sometimes you can be too close to a situation and knee jerk reactions can replace common sense... occasionally it takes an outsider to be able to see the big picture

Which is why ulimately a range of opinions is most useful