Childminder hit my child

KellyWelly

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

Hi Guys

First a thank you to all of you for your replies and the public flogging which was probably deserved on some aspects.

I have left my son with my mum today and have a list of childminders to phone around. I am not prepared to leave him with the current childminder.

I have contacted the childminding association and got their charter which clearly states smacking is not allowed. I am going to write to her and the childminding association to explain that he will not be going back.

I am absolutely distraught about the whole thing and really disappointed in myself that I didn't listen to him when he first told me. Even thinking about it makes me feel sick.

I will keep you updated with the new childminder etc.

Good for you. What did the current childminder say when you told her you won't bringing him again?

Have you thought about putting him into nursery for a few sessions a week? He'd get a funded place in September and it could help him get ready for school? He could still go to the childminder in between for one-to-one as well.

KellyWelly

JoeyG wrote: »

by the same token though, sometimes you can be too close to a situation and knee jerk reactions can replace common sense... occasionally it takes an outsider to be able to see the big picture

Which is why ulimately a range of opinions is most useful

Yes, this is true. I have never suggested or said that a childless person's opinion or judgement is not valid and in my professional experience it has been incredibly beneficial to have a range of opinions from staff who have children and staff who don't to get a balanced view.

pretzelnut

To the OP - please check out this link as it is more useful with regards as to what to do about the situation.

http://www.ofsted.gov.uk/Ofsted-home/Forms-and-guidance/Browse-all-by/Other/General/Factsheet-childcare-Concerns-and-complaints-about-childminders-and-childcare-providers

dieselhead

JoeyG wrote: »

by the same token though, sometimes you can be too close to a situation and knee jerk reactions can replace common sense... occasionally it takes an outsider to be able to see the big picture

Which is why ulimately a range of opinions is most useful

Absolutely, that was exactly the comment I was going to make!

Also I think being a mother makes you an expert on your own child, but children are all very different, and although I think mothers will have an emotional understanding with other mothers, personally I don't think that it makes them an expert on another persons child, in fact often the opposite as they will constantly be comparing behaviours to their own child.

li'l_p

foreign_correspondent wrote: »

there is no need to draw of policies, OFSTED good practice policies are already in place, and by smacking him she has broken the law, which specificly states that it is illegal for a childminder to hit a child in their care - she will be well aware of this, and she has omitted to tell the childs mother until the chld spilled the beans - this must be dealt with properly for the sake of all the kids she looks after, and any she may look after in the future.

May I point out that the NCMA website states that:

"Childminders play a huge role in a child's daily life and can become valuable members of the family. But the key to maintaining a good working relationship is to make sure the childminding arrangement starts out and remains businesslike.

A well written contract is essential, as this sets out the detail of the agreement clearly. Both the childminder and the parent(s) should carefully read, agree and sign the contract before the arrangement begins."

If I were to put my child into ANY professional or private childcare, registered or not I would expect a contract to be drawn up between employee and employer, regardless of the 'Ofsted good practice policies' so everyone knows what to expect including how the hours in the day are spent. This is no different to any other employment and whilst the law states many things, I still have an employment contract for my job which sets out in black and white what is and isn't acceptable during my employment and if I do breach this, then I would be brought into a disciplinary meeting and the issues discussed - my boss does not dither around asking whether the fact I have been employed for years and everybody likes me, he should pull me up about it. Procedures dictate how the situation will be handled and the outcomes for breaching the formal written policies. There are NO grey areas and I am dealt with formally and properly, moreover I understand what I expected of me during my employment and understand the implications of breaching my employment policies.

I think the lack of such formallity only serves to create grey areas such like in this instance the employee obviously does not know what is acceptable and the employer has to question also whether the CM has done wrong.

Subsequently, the NCMA website also states:



"What can I do to help prevent a dispute?

• Agree a signed contract at the start of your arrangement to make sure both the childminder and parents are clear of what is expected. Visit our contracts section for information on what to include.

• 
  Agree any other permissions you feel are necessary. You can download a range of free sample parental permission forms to give you an idea of what other topics you may want to discuss.
  
• Take time to discuss issues at the start of the relationship, for example what happens if the childminder, child or parent is ill, or what will happen if the parent is late.
  
  
• Keep talking. Raising concerns as they arise can prevent problems building up.
• Share information. Keeping one another up-to-date with what’s happening in the child’s life can be important to help them feel settled and let the childminder offer the best care. Many childminders and parents use a daily journal to share information. For example, the parent might let the childminder know they had a restless night so might be tired today, while the childminder can let the parent know they managed to tie their shoelaces. A journal or diary is idea for this. NCMA sells a childmidning journal in the online shop."

mishkanorman

KellyWelly wrote: »

Of course not, that is not what I said and it is a ridiculous thing to say. All I said was people who do not have children do not have the same understanding and empathy as people who do - that is hardly an outrageous revelation. If you have no experience of something, you don't know what it's like.

I think with all due respect everyone who is jumping on the 'I'm deeply offended' bandwagon is projecting something onto me that I haven't expressed and I certainly don't feel. I am from an adoptive family myself and I certainly felt loved and learned how to be a mum (a good one I hope) even though I wasn't biologically related to all of my relatives.

I was just trying to point out that there is some truth in it when somebody says 'as a mother...', not complete truth, SOME truth and by its very nature you can't understand it unless you've been through it, that's not an insult or a dismissal, that's a fact of life. My husband lost his leg in a car accident, I've seen him go through it and I have somewhat of an understanding - more than an outsider, but ultimately I don't get it because I didn't go through it. It's not an insult to me and it doesn't mean I can't comment on disability issues but it does mean I am not an authority on it.

:T great post,



OP, glad things seem a little clearer for you. Make sure you address all and any concerns over your childs care, even the little niggly ones. If anything this whole fiasco might actually make your CM a better one in the future if she can be made to realise the importance of her role.

mishka


mishka

galvanizersbaby

jellyhead wrote: »

My children have been with nursery or school teachers who are childless and they've always been great - if fact the teacher who's most popular at school (with the children) is a childless young woman. My boy's favourite staff at his nursery haven't had children of their own yet.

This thread reminded me of bill bailey's sketch 'speaking as a mother ...' lol!

This has been my experience with my children's nursery school - 90% of the staff were young women/men who sadly got paid a pittance but wanted to work with kids.
I certainly wouldn't judge someone's ability to look after/teach children on whether they had their own or not but there are some things that they wouldn't have personally experienced for themselves and may not fully understand or appreciate - doesn't mean they can't have an opinion on it though and I can't really see how it could impact professionally

pretzelnut

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

Hi Guys

First a thank you to all of you for your replies and the public flogging which was probably deserved on some aspects.

I have left my son with my mum today and have a list of childminders to phone around. I am not prepared to leave him with the current childminder.

I have contacted the childminding association and got their charter which clearly states smacking is not allowed. I am going to write to her and the childminding association to explain that he will not be going back.

I am absolutely distraught about the whole thing and really disappointed in myself that I didn't listen to him when he first told me. Even thinking about it makes me feel sick.

I will keep you updated with the new childminder etc.

I am not questionng you as a parent, i am merely concerened for your child and any futute children that she may care for.

The link i have just posted above will give you tips on how to write a letter of complaint to the childminder. The childminder will probably ask for 4 weeks pay in notice, i would refuse this as she has broken the terms of the contract by physically punishing your child.

If you follow all the advive in ofsteds link you will be covered should she come back in future and say that you owe her money.

I really hope you find a really good childminder for your child. Remember comunication is key and any good childminder will want to tell you every little detail about yuor child through the day not keep it quiet, its part of ofsteds regulations (working in partnership with parents).

You should be proud that you have a clever little boy who understands the difference between right and wrong. So what if he ran of any parent knows that at some stage in their early lives they will go through this phase, it has nothing to do with bad parenting.

So take a deep breath and calm down, none of this is your fault and you shouldnt be beating yourself up about it, your son is now safe with his grandma.

galvanizersbaby

li'l_p wrote: »

May I point out that the NCMA website states that:

"Childminders play a huge role in a child's daily life and can become valuable members of the family. But the key to maintaining a good working relationship is to make sure the childminding arrangement starts out and remains businesslike.

A well written contract is essential, as this sets out the detail of the agreement clearly. Both the childminder and the parent(s) should carefully read, agree and sign the contract before the arrangement begins."

If I were to put my child into ANY professional or private childcare, registered or not I would expect a contract to be drawn up between employee and employer, regardless of the 'Ofsted good practice policies' so everyone knows what to expect including how the hours in the day are spent. This is no different to any other employment and whilst the law states many things, I still have an employment contract for my job which sets out in black and white what is and isn't acceptable during my employment and if I do breach this, then I would be brought into a disciplinary meeting and the issues discussed - my boss does not dither around asking whether the fact I have been employed for years and everybody likes me, he should pull me up about it. Procedures dictate how the situation will be handled and the outcomes for breaching the formal written policies. There are NO grey areas and I am dealt with formally and properly, moreover I understand what I expected of me during my employment and understand the implications of breaching my employment policies.

I think the lack of such formallity only serves to create grey areas such like in this instance the employee obviously does not know what is acceptable and the employer has to question also whether the CM has done wrong.

Subsequently, the NCMA website also states:




"What can I do to help prevent a dispute?

• Agree a signed contract at the start of your arrangement to make sure both the childminder and parents are clear of what is expected. Visit our contracts section for information on what to include.

• 
  Agree any other permissions you feel are necessary. You can download a range of free sample parental permission forms to give you an idea of what other topics you may want to discuss.
  
• Take time to discuss issues at the start of the relationship, for example what happens if the childminder, child or parent is ill, or what will happen if the parent is late.
  
  
• Keep talking. Raising concerns as they arise can prevent problems building up.
• Share information. Keeping one another up-to-date with what’s happening in the child’s life can be important to help them feel settled and let the childminder offer the best care. Many childminders and parents use a daily journal to share information. For example, the parent might let the childminder know they had a restless night so might be tired today, while the childminder can let the parent know they managed to tie their shoelaces. A journal or diary is idea for this. NCMA sells a childmidning journal in the online shop."

I thought the OP had already confirmed that her childminder is registered and she had signed a contract

Craftyscholar

KellyWelly wrote: »

Of course not, that is not what I said and it is a ridiculous thing to say. All I said was people who do not have children do not have the same understanding and empathy as people who do - that is hardly an outrageous revelation. If you have no experience of something, you don't know what it's like.

I think with all due respect everyone who is jumping on the 'I'm deeply offended' bandwagon is projecting something onto me that I haven't expressed and I certainly don't feel. I am from an adoptive family myself and I certainly felt loved and learned how to be a mum (a good one I hope) even though I wasn't biologically related to all of my relatives.

How can you make that judgement and then say you were raised by an adoptive mother?
I was not jumping on any bandwagon - simply defending my much missed mum.

OP sorry for 'highjack' and glad you are getting things sorted out.