Childminder hit my child

li'l_p

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I thought the OP had already confirmed that her childminder is registered and she had signed a contract

It was aimed at the person that had questioned my other posting stating that you do not need contracts because the law states x, y and z.

Also, if the OP has since confirmed that contracts were in place, as one would expect, then the outcome is obvious.

On reading the most recent posts from the OP, it is clear that they are acting accordingly to sort this out.

Zazen999

KellyWelly wrote: »

All I said was people who do not have children do not have the same understanding and empathy as people who do - that is hardly an outrageous revelation. If you have no experience of something, you don't know what it's like.

I know I will get flamed but this is total crap.

Towards your OWN children maybe - but not to children in general.

Unless I am misreading - you are saying that non parents have less understand and empathy towards children as parents.

Sorry OP - totally off topic. Or is it? I wouldn't dream of hitting a child - neither my step daughter or my 2 nieces; it would never cross my mind - but the OP's CM is inferred to be a mother. How does that work again if I have less understanding and empathy?

galvanizersbaby

Craftyscholar wrote: »

How can you make that judgement and then say you were raised by an adoptive mother?
I was not jumping on any bandwagon - simply defending my much missed mum.

OP sorry for 'highjack' and glad you are getting things sorted out.

Confused now - isn't an adoptive mother the same as any other mother?

Craftyscholar

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Confused now - isn't an adoptive mother the same as any other mother?

As far as I am concerned YES, but not apparently according to those who believe giving birth endows you with a special ability to care for children.

galvanizersbaby

li'l_p wrote: »

It was aimed at the person that had questioned my other posting stating that you do not need contracts because the law states x, y and z.

Also, if the OP has since confirmed that contracts were in place, as one would expect, then the outcome is obvious.

On reading the most recent posts from the OP, it is clear that they are acting accordingly to sort this out.

Sorry, I misunderstood - all registered childminders require a contract of employment to be signed by both parties - I thought you were suggesting an additional contract be drawn up

lostinrates

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Confused now - isn't an adoptive mother the same as any other mother?

In the post that cited unless you'd done it you couldn't know,biological chemistry was cited.

I'm pretty sure I'd make a decnt enough adopted mother. I don't know what its like to lose a leg, true, but I can empathise. In the same way, someone with simialr life experiences can empathise with me but we can never really know what it is like to be someone else, even with similar/same shared experiences, we just hope our empathy is sufficient. Its the best we have: it would seem some people are able to extrapolate to other situations more easily than others. Its not really something to row about and if it is, perhaps not here on this thread?

galvanizersbaby

Craftyscholar wrote: »

As far as I am concerned YES, but not apparently according to those who believe giving birth endows you with a special ability to care for children.

I think giving birth gives you more ability/empathy to understand Post natal depression, dodgy hormones, feelings, sleep deprivation etc and all the other things that suddenly crop up with having a baby and may well impact other areas.

However I did not give birth naturally so have no direct experience of the delights of natural childbirth so I couldn't/wouldn't comment on this as I wouldn't feel qualified to do so.

As far as I'm concerned I would consider an adoptive mother to have the same ability to care for her children as a birth mother

KellyWelly

I'm not actually disagreeing with any of you. I didn't say or mean to imply in any way that a mother was only a woman who had been pregnant and delivered a baby. Actually, having done so doesn't actually mean you will be a mother either.
When I refered to the biological changes I was thinking of one measureable way in which motherhood changes somebody. And out of interest, there has been research to show that adoptive mothers who experience bonding do have biological changes in their bodies. One evident observable example of that is when adoptive mothers lactate.
As I said in my very first post and subsequently, being childless does not mean you can't comment or that your opinion is invalid - in fact I said the opposite. However it does mean that you do not have the same experience as a parent, this is not something that you can argue with, it is a fact. And the term 'parent' is not limited to a biological mother or father, obviously. I have never said that either.

I'm sorry that the childless posters here feel so wronged and insulted by what I have said because firstly I never intended to be insulting and secondly I never actually said the things you infered from my post. I was trying to add balance to the bull in a china closet attitudes being posted by various people who seem now to be adamant I think X Y and Z when I've never said I do.

Again - I work with childless professionals as a professional with children and I have the utmost respect for them and their judgements and attitudes etc. I do not believe that a woman who has not carried a child cannot care for or protect or love a child. I do believe a woman or man who does not have a child or children does not have the same level of understanding and empathy for another parent as if they were one themself.

This is not outrageous or insulting or spiteful, this is fact.

lostinrates

KellyWelly wrote: »

I'm sorry that the childless posters here feel so wronged and insulted...
This is not outrageous or insulting or spiteful, this is fact.

Please excuse the ruthless edit. Firstly, I'd like to say I, as one of the childless posters, do not feel wornged or insulted. I actually often add the caveat that I'm childless on such threads. But that you feel we are suggests you too have made attempt to empathise with our situation how successful we are depends on us as people, not just our simialrity of experience, I would submit.

To the other point quoted, I would say its not outrageous at all, but its opinion, albeit an educated one, not fact. Opinion, BTW which I absolutely support that you should be able to submit freely

mrcow

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

Hi Guys

First a thank you to all of you for your replies and the public flogging which was probably deserved on some aspects.

I have left my son with my mum today and have a list of childminders to phone around. I am not prepared to leave him with the current childminder.

I have contacted the childminding association and got their charter which clearly states smacking is not allowed. I am going to write to her and the childminding association to explain that he will not be going back.

I am absolutely distraught about the whole thing and really disappointed in myself that I didn't listen to him when he first told me. Even thinking about it makes me feel sick.

I will keep you updated with the new childminder etc.

Just wanted to wish you luck and fwiw i think you're doing the right thing. We can always beat ourselves up after the fact. A big part of being a parent is dealing with the guilt that seems to be a compulsory part of the job description.

Just like you, I also had to change my childcare provider when my son was 3 1/2 and just like you, I probably let things continue for much longer than they should have done. I think it's a natural emotion. You so want to believe that you've done the right thing for your son and to have to admit that you've been leaving him with someone who hasn't perhaps been 100% appropriate is a very hard pill to swallow.

So rather than beat yourself up - take comfort in the fact that you are doing something positive. Personally I went on to find a fantastic nursery that hadn't even come up on the radar the first time round and four years later, my daughter now goes there and I've not had a single day's worry with them.

Good luck.