A not so happy relationship

Sian_the_Green

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Couldn't put it better myself greylady

Uniscots97

Seriously Stacie 1500 quid is a small price to pay to get your life back and not feel threatened, anxious, degraded, belittled or any other negative way.

Have you ever wondered why he is punching you on your legs? Its because it won't show. He's a bully and a coward. Please do the right thing here.

Primrose

Just make sure he can't get access to your credit card and add any more debt onto it. Cut it up or get your parents to look after it until you have resolved your issues.

MrsTinks

tawecdl wrote: »

There is no excuse for him hitting you. I hate that behaviour and think you should both leave for that reason. If my missis hit me i'd be long gone and she knows that!

I'm not sure what you interpretted as being nasty but I'm sure if your OH read what you have put he would elaborate on it further. There are 2 people in this relationship and it seems like neither are happy. I feel sorry for your OH as he has not had his say and above posters are belittling him. I also feel for you as this behaviour must be hard to deal with and right now it must feel like you are in a lose lose situation. But you are not.

Just remember, getting out of this relationship should create 2 happy people. Not just 1.

I have to say if my friends and especially my father found out my DH had been hitting me he'd be very un-understanding... Belittling him would not be anything for him to be worrying about I can assure you.
(Apart from the fact my father would tell me off for not smacking him one back and making sure he stayed down, at least till he could get here... Think dad was always meant to have boys really LOL)
Even if you ignore everything else then HE hit HER. End of need to argue about it! The fact he is mentally undermining her too just adds to it - and I know that as someone who was in a non-violent but mentally demeaning relationship. Telling someone they're fat or ugly and will never find anyone else is cruel, I believed him the first time and when he dumped me I was so deeply depressed that I barely ate and seriously thought about killing myself. I'd just about turned a corner when he decided he "missed" me and wanted to make another go of it... Second time round it didn't last long and when he again dumped me I'd already been looking at flats secretly... But I could have easily gone the other way and done something silly. So don't you ever say that we're belittling someone who's inflicting this type of torture on anyone, male or female, because it's not belittleling - it's showing someone as blind as I was just how pathetic the person doing this truly is!

Loretta

Staciep88 wrote: »

Thats the thing - he used to be great!! He was that bloke that everyone wanted to be with. How things change..

No he hasn't changed he was always like that but of course he was nice in the beginning, these sort always are. If on the day he met you he hit you and said all those nasty things you would not have gone near him. For heavens sake don't get pregnant.

If you think you can pay off these debts of his in a year and be debt free in 12 months time, by then you may have lost all your confidence and have gone past the point, you are well on the way already thinking that you may deserve being hit and then you will not be able to go and will be trapped, go now and sort the rest out later. He will get worse not better

Good luck

Loretta

Staciep88 wrote: »

When I shout I tell him to leave me alone and stop bullying me, I probs call him the odd name aswell - but that is after I have been called all the names under the sun. No I dont think its acceptable, I think Im pathetic for letting him do it to me though. Lol at the anger management since 1990! OH is 26 and I am soon to be 20 x

You are 19 years old, tell your parents I am sure they will be horrified and I am sure will help you

Get out fast, now. many of us have had this in our lives, you are young, move on, get out and fast. Put it down to experience, this happens, the clever bit is to get out

NOW

Loretta

Staciep88 wrote: »

If I did leave him I wouldnt find another man straight away, like you said, I would go out with my mates, I might even go crazy and go to a nightclub! never been out on the town u see. I still talk to my family (i work with them infact) but its obvious that they can see whats going on. And by that I mean, they always know that im upset or worrying about money etc, which is something I have never done.

i bet your family are really worried about you, families feel they should not interfere and they try hard not to, us lot on here can say all the things your family are desperate to say.

I am sure they know exactly what is going on and as soon as you say 'Mum I want to come home' they will be right with you

Loretta

Staciep88 wrote: »

I see what your saying about the family thing, and I agree and I use that in my offence when he is being horrible to me about my family. But I just get told that his family dont interfer?! My family dont interfer, they have done nothing except help other half - infact OH still owes them £325 - which is another thing, I want him to repay that before we are over cuz I dont want my parents to loose out becoz of my stupid mistakes. I understand what your saying about time apart, thing is we have done this before (when he used to work away) and I would just get text messages every 5 mins asking what I was doing, thats why its easier just to go with him as it saves loadsa hassle. I know everyone is saying move on, and I agree, just gota find the strength to do it

if I was your Mum I would be horrified if I thought you were staying with a violent bully because you were afraid that I would lose £325!

You are very young, forget this debt, I am sure your parents will know how to deal with the money side, but money is not important, your safely and well being are

Loretta

grey_lady wrote: »

Of course it's not true! that's just daft - you're going to meet someone so much nicer than him and you get to have all the fun of going out with your mates as a single girl in the meantime!

This sort always say that, did I write that list of things they all say? I a sure I did, but really there is a list of things this sort always say

Zazen999

Hi Stacey.

I know you are wanting a bit of revenge/closure by clearing the debt and not walking away with it; but if he gets wind of it it could get worse.

Seriously, in the greater scheme of things, £1500 is not alot.

Why not promise yourself a long weekend away in New York in 10 years, then think - nah - I'll use that money to get the locks changed and clear the debt this year.

I can concur that all those things said, have been said to many many women, it's all part of the power thing. They taunt you, then when you snap they get violent and blame your snapping for the violence. I've been there like many others.

I lost alot more than £1500 - and had to leave with the clothes I stood up i - but still didn't regret it and wished I'd gone much earlier.

It was worth any money.

I hope that if you stay, you stay safe.

xxx